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Funny satire stories about retirement

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Funny story: America's Top Drug Dog Retires

America's Top Drug Dog Retires

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Sergeant Fido, who is considered to be the very best drug-sniffing dog in the history of the U.S. Customs K-9 Corps has just retired after spending 10 years in El Paso, Texas. Fido, was given a lavish retirement party by his han...

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Funny story: "I've Permanetly Retired From Competitive Soccer" says Ex-Pope

"I've Permanetly Retired From Competitive Soccer" says Ex-Pope

Rome - Catholic soccer fans are in shock today after Ex-Pope Benedict XVI said he is hanging up his cleats at the end of the season and would no longer compete in Vatican League soccer. Benedict XVI, the leading scorer the last seven seasons for...

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Funny story: Top 10 retirement suggestions for Mayor Bloomberg

Top 10 retirement suggestions for Mayor Bloomberg

New York City - Michael Bloomberg is just weeks away from being forced out of office by an angry mob. (At least that's the way most envision his departure.) The mayor's forthcoming eviction raises the question: What's Mad Mike going to do with all of that free time he is going to have on his hands? Here are the top 10 suggestions: 1. Start by invading Poland. 2. Save a buck by doing...

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Funny story: Chimps Demand Retirement Party

Chimps Demand Retirement Party

It happened as soon as the National Institutes of Health announced this week that "...310 chimps will be retiring from medical research over the next few years..." One of the chimps said, "Throwing us a party, it's the least they can do, we've put in our time." And the chimps weren't at all shy about exactly what kind of a party it should be. Here are a few of the things they demanded: --...

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Funny story: Pope Prays for a Retirement Party

Pope Prays for a Retirement Party

And if his prayers are answered, the party will be held in St. Peter's Square, with thousands and thousands of attendees from around the word! The Pope has told reporters, "Look, for years, I've been going out on the balcony and blessing that di...

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Funny story: Michael Jordan: Old Man, Got Game

Michael Jordan: Old Man, Got Game

Reports are coming out of left field that Michael Jordan, the ostensible greatest NBA player of all-time, plans a return to the game at age 50. Not since 70-year old Ty Cobb considered a comeback to baseball have we heard such a tall-tale. Cobb fe...

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Funny story: North Pole in Shambles, Santa Ponders Retirement

North Pole in Shambles, Santa Ponders Retirement

A high ranking Elf Union source reported today that Santa is now considering retirement, following recent economic and environmental impacts to the North Pole and Santa's workshop. The retirement speculation follows a report last week that Moody's...

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Funny story: Tim Tebow in shock move

Tim Tebow in shock move

New York Jet's backup quarterback Tim Tebow is to quit professional football. The former Florida Gators and Denver Broncos star told shocked reporters after the Jet's 35 - 9 win over the Colts. "I feel pretty much redundant here in New York." Tebo...

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Funny story: Tesco: Every Little Old Lady Helps

Tesco: Every Little Old Lady Helps

Tesco are due to announce that they intend to change retirement age for their staff from 65 to 67. They will become the first major employer to make the change, and they believe the move will be popular. Tesco Group Personnel Director Val Ewebran...

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Funny story: The Top 10 Upsides of Turning 60

The Top 10 Upsides of Turning 60

It's no fun turning 60. It's the official beginning of "old manhood," as in, "What are you doing in the fast lane, old man?" Or worse, "What are you doing in the diaper aisle, old man?" But as with most things in life, there are some positives. Change can be good. Improvements have been made. For instance, the life expectancy of an American male back in 1937 was 58. If that number hadn't improv...

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Funny story: R.E.M. Retired Elderly Musicians

R.E.M. Retired Elderly Musicians

It happened today, and it's the end of the world as we know it: R.E.M. (considered by many to have invented Electro-Lite pop) have announced their retirement from the music industry. "It's a bad day for music," said Rockville editor, Wendel Gee. "...

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Funny story: Top ten things I will not miss now I have retired from teaching

Top ten things I will not miss now I have retired from teaching

Here is MY top ten list of things I WILL NOT miss now I have retired from teaching...in reverse order of priority 10. Getting up early and having to get dressed in nice clothes. 9. Driving to work in the winter and spinning my car, sometimes ending up in a snow bank. 8. Having to pack luches and snacks on a daily basis. 7. Writing a Day Book with lesson plans...

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Funny story: Top ten tips for newly retired persons

Top ten tips for newly retired persons

Top Ten tips to the newly retired: 10. Relax for the first few days 9. Get out of bed at the same time as you did when working 8. Get washed every day and clean your teeth 7. Don't get into conversations with the tele-marketers 6. Don't start going to church if you didn't go when you were working. This will only depress you. 5. Get to know your neighbo...

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Funny story: Give me back the good old days - Ode to teaching

Give me back the good old days - Ode to teaching

Yesterday I said goodbye to the last class I will teach Yes I've retired but stuck it out - put the bit between my teeth. I started out in England in 1973 Three years of teachers' college there Was more than enough for me. My teaching job I did enjoy Each little girl, each little boy Some keen to learn,some keen to play. I enjoyed each and every day. And then I moved to Canada Wher...

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Funny story: Brettt Favre Can't Retire

Brettt Favre Can't Retire

New York, NY - He's been moving like a WalMart greeter for years. Now Brett Favre is one step closer to becoming one. In an ironic twist of fate, the man who's made a living out of announcing his retirement at the end of each football season, suddenl...

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Funny story: The Over 50 Male Rant

The Over 50 Male Rant

As if there weren't already enough rants available on the interwebs, featuring fanatical right or political left, bible thumping religious exclusivity, social, cultural or gender based preeminence, why not one more dedicated to the plight of the modern 50+ year old male. Regardless of race, class, cultural upbringing or religious background, the Over Fifty Male, known in this thread to be the O...

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Funny story: News from Sunnydays retirement home

News from Sunnydays retirement home

Oh look! a budgie. Isn't it lovely? I had one just like it, a ginger tom it was, but it got run over. Well they did in those days didn't they - not like now. I don't know what the world is coming to, what with all this sex and violence you see nowadays. My Charlie was never like that - except when he used to tie me to the mangle and hit me with the coal shovel. I blame those mobile phones mysel...

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