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Funny satire stories about panic

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Funny story: Media Panic "to return in autumn"

Media Panic "to return in autumn"

Whilst distraught hacks looked on, a spokesperson for All Media today announced that "the grotesque and disproportionate panic about Swine Flu which so many of us have worked so hard to generate in the last two weeks has now receded. But we are confi...

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Funny story: Panic Not Called For, But Never-The-Less, Expected

Panic Not Called For, But Never-The-Less, Expected

The Interior Ministry of Great Britain thought it prudent to reassure the country's citizens about the recent hug received by Her Majesty from the United States first lady, Michelle Obama, so this is to be published in all major United States and Bri...

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Funny story: Obama Administration to Teach Americans How to Panic

Obama Administration to Teach Americans How to Panic

The Obama administration today promised that by the time 2012 comes around Americans will not only know how to panic but will have good reason to. The promise comes just days after President Obama said that he was "dissatisfied" with the reaction to...

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Funny story: Unidentified Aircraft causes panic!

Unidentified Aircraft causes panic!

The military forces of Russia and other European countries remain on high alert this morning after an unidentified aircraft overflew most of the continent last evening. The event began when an unknown supersonic aircraft conducted a low altitude h...

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Funny story: Small Investors should remain calm and not panic, brokers advise

Small Investors should remain calm and not panic, brokers advise

Mumbai - Broker Ashwini Gujral advised small investors to keep their calm, even as Sensex plunged by another 400 points today. "Small investors need not panic every time there is a sharp fall in the markets. Leave the panic to professionals like u...

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Funny story: Havoc as BBC Website freezes for 7 seconds

Havoc as BBC Website freezes for 7 seconds

Life seemed so normal at 12.36pm and 20 seconds, but at 12.37pm and 21 seconds the world was turned upside down when the BBC Website froze. Chaos and rioting ensued in the streets of Britain, the biggest since a traffic light froze for 22 seconds at...

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Funny story: Warnings against panic cause panic, warn panic-merchants

Warnings against panic cause panic, warn panic-merchants

Panic-merchants today in the Daily Telegraph warned that asking the public not to panic will only cause mass panic. The warning comes ahead of a planned panic by large sections of the public who haven't had the opportunity to panic since the last ma...

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Funny story: "Ryan's Plan" Knew Too Much

"Ryan's Plan" Knew Too Much

VANCOUVER (Varietal Magazine) - The voice on the other end of the telephone was fraught with panic: "Listen to me, I need to disappear for a little while... If they even know that I am talking with you, your life could be in danger too!"...

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Funny story: Newest Disaster Discovered

Newest Disaster Discovered

The International Council for Useless Panic have found and registered the latest potential disaster that may hit the planet.

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Funny story: Hypochondria Linked To Cancer - Study

Hypochondria Linked To Cancer - Study

Hypochondriacs everywhere in state of panic...

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Funny story: Royal Ascot cancelled: foot and mouth outbreak

Royal Ascot cancelled: foot and mouth outbreak

(Ascot, Berkshire; Monday) Amid scenes of panic and hysteria at the bookies' rails, this year's Royal meeting at Ascot racecourse has been officially cancelled due to a sudden outbreak of foot in mouth disease in the jockeys' weighing ro...

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Funny story: Never met a Southerner I liked

Never met a Southerner I liked

It seems to me every time I go just south of my mail box every morning I start to panic. Southerners “Suth-un-ners“, I cant stand them. Now please not get me wrong I like the south and its people. I’m not talking about people that happen to live in the south, they are tolerable. No. I’m talking about real true to life southerners.

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Funny story: Deadly New Breed Of Spiders Stow Away in Ship

Deadly New Breed Of Spiders Stow Away in Ship

All over the United Kingdom, panic has been caused, as scientists have announced that fifty thousand deadly Pink Widows, a lethally poisonous new breed of spider, have stowed away on a cargo ship and are heading for the UK.

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Funny story: Floods! Don't Panic! Don't Panic!

Floods! Don't Panic! Don't Panic!

Forget war in Afghanistan; forget AIDS in Africa; real news could affect your Little English selves! Summer's gone, and so it's time for localised flooding to take over the news. Small-scale damage will occur for a day or two in towns like...

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