Consumer groups here in arctic Britain today launched a scathing attack on Britain's selfish, uncaring panic-buying hoarders, labelling them as "Bastards!" In supermarkets all over the country, shoppers were greeted by empty fresh veg sections, em...
Whilst distraught hacks looked on, a spokesperson for All Media today announced that "the grotesque and disproportionate panic about Swine Flu which so many of us have worked so hard to generate in the last two weeks has now receded. But we are confi...
The Interior Ministry of Great Britain thought it prudent to reassure the country's citizens about the recent hug received by Her Majesty from the United States first lady, Michelle Obama, so this is to be published in all major United States and Bri...
The Obama administration today promised that by the time 2012 comes around Americans will not only know how to panic but will have good reason to. The promise comes just days after President Obama said that he was "dissatisfied" with the reaction to...
The military forces of Russia and other European countries remain on high alert this morning after an unidentified aircraft overflew most of the continent last evening. The event began when an unknown supersonic aircraft conducted a low altitude h...
Mumbai - Broker Ashwini Gujral advised small investors to keep their calm, even as Sensex plunged by another 400 points today. "Small investors need not panic every time there is a sharp fall in the markets. Leave the panic to professionals like u...
Life seemed so normal at 12.36pm and 20 seconds, but at 12.37pm and 21 seconds the world was turned upside down when the BBC Website froze. Chaos and rioting ensued in the streets of Britain, the biggest since a traffic light froze for 22 seconds at...
Panic-merchants today in the Daily Telegraph warned that asking the public not to panic will only cause mass panic. The warning comes ahead of a planned panic by large sections of the public who haven't had the opportunity to panic since the last ma...
VANCOUVER (Varietal Magazine) - The voice on the other end of the telephone was fraught with panic: "Listen to me, I need to disappear for a little while... If they even know that I am talking with you, your life could be in danger too!"...
The International Council for Useless Panic have found and registered the latest potential disaster that may hit the planet.
Hypochondriacs everywhere in state of panic...
(Ascot, Berkshire; Monday) Amid scenes of panic and hysteria at the bookies' rails, this year's Royal meeting at Ascot racecourse has been officially cancelled due to a sudden outbreak of foot in mouth disease in the jockeys' weighing ro...
It seems to me every time I go just south of my mail box every morning I start to panic. Southerners “Suth-un-ners“, I cant stand them. Now please not get me wrong I like the south and its people. I’m not talking about people that happen to live in the south, they are tolerable. No. I’m talking about real true to life southerners.
All over the United Kingdom, panic has been caused, as scientists have announced that fifty thousand deadly Pink Widows, a lethally poisonous new breed of spider, have stowed away on a cargo ship and are heading for the UK.
Forget war in Afghanistan; forget AIDS in Africa; real news could affect your Little English selves! Summer's gone, and so it's time for localised flooding to take over the news. Small-scale damage will occur for a day or two in towns like...
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