The world of dance is reeling this morning following the news that Sergei Polunin has quit as a principal with the Royal Ballet. Royal Opera House sources are mystified as to why the 21-year-old Ukrainian - the youngest dancer to be made a princip...
Last summer they inadvertently helped to treat cancer, along with erectile dysfunction. Now in the months following the release of Steel Panther's new album "Balls Out", a study is showing that infertility may be the next medical miracle brought for...
Researchers at the Pettrucci Center for Musical Research have released preliminary results of a study between the music of Heavy Metal Icons Steel Panther, and the spread and onset of remission of many forms of cancer. "We had reason to believe t...
Police forces across the country are gearing up to combat a major increase in thefts from heavy metal bands. Hot on the heels of thieves stealing guitars worth over £6,500 from a Led Zeppelin tribute band in Dundee, fans of the legendary Motorhead...
Paul Andrews, former lead singer of heavy Metal band Iron Maiden has been jailed for 9 months after admitting benefit fraud. Andrews, stage name Paul Di'Anno, claimed £45,000 in benefits despite still touring in his own right, and was found guilty...
In what many observers are calling another attempt to make lemonade out of lemons, President Obama announced today that the gulf coast region has been designated a National mosh pit. The president stated, "In designating this area a national trea...
LONDON - The manager of Led Zeppelin Christopher Dutchmill has stated that in lieu of going on tour, the heavy metal British band will instead record a Christmas album. Dutchmill stated that the reason that LZ decided against going on tour was due...
The Occult News is reporting that about 50,000 demons have been spotted rampaging around the grounds of Knebworth House near Stevenage, prompting fears that a new Hellmouth has opened. The demons, many of them pasty teenagers or pot-bellied middle...
As a reaction to the rejection of my superb piece relating to a spoof press conference held by Jaz from Killing Joke I immediately called Jaz and informed him of the apparent lack of understanding and acceptance for esoterical/occult subject matter on the spoof site. In his anger he immediately informed the satanic underworld, touched based with Alisteir who in - turn informed Jimmy Page and t...
It was reported today that Guantanamo Bay has compiled a CD with their top 17 songs to torture by. "The bleeding ears sweet seventeen", as they are affectionately called by gitmo staff comes out just in time for Christmas. The new album's release...
Tougher measures to prevent extremists entering the UK are to be announced by Home Secretary Jacqui 'Stabvest' Smith as soon as they can dust the cobwebs off some semi-comatose senior civil service Mandarin and get him to cough up a few novel ideas t...
Guns 'N Roses frontman Axl Rose has formed a super group made up entirely of famous red-haired artists and intends to do a world tour before the end of this year.
Heavy Metal fans around the world (but particularly Canada) must hang their lank-haired, smelly heads in shame today following the revelation that the stoner losers have absolutely no sense of humor.
Los Angeles, California - The New England Journal of Medicine warns iPod users this week not to tempt fate in these final days as we wait upon the judgment by wearing iPods, during a thunderstorm and especially while listening to 'heavy metal,...
NEW YORK - Heavy metal pioneers Black Sabbath will reunite for Ozzfest, which begins July 10 in Hartford, Conn., according to the Ozzfest Web site.
In what is being heralded as the most surprising move in any band's career, thrash metallers "Slipknot" have hired the talents of interior designer Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen. Bowen, 36 is rumoured to be thrilled by the new prospect, and is already in t...
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