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Funny satire stories about heavy metal

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Funny story: Music of Steel Panther Believed to Have Link to Cure for Cancer and ED

Music of Steel Panther Believed to Have Link to Cure for Cancer and ED

Researchers at the Pettrucci Center for Musical Research have released preliminary results of a study between the music of Heavy Metal Icons Steel Panther, and the spread and onset of remission of many forms of cancer. "We had reason to believe t...

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Funny story: Police Target Metal Thieves

Police Target Metal Thieves

Police forces across the country are gearing up to combat a major increase in thefts from heavy metal bands. Hot on the heels of thieves stealing guitars worth over £6,500 from a Led Zeppelin tribute band in Dundee, fans of the legendary Motorhead...

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Funny story: Iron Maiden Frontman Jailed

Iron Maiden Frontman Jailed

Paul Andrews, former lead singer of heavy Metal band Iron Maiden has been jailed for 9 months after admitting benefit fraud. Andrews, stage name Paul Di'Anno, claimed £45,000 in benefits despite still touring in his own right, and was found guilty...

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Funny story: Gulf Coast Designated National Mosh Pit

Gulf Coast Designated National Mosh Pit

In what many observers are calling another attempt to make lemonade out of lemons, President Obama announced today that the gulf coast region has been designated a National mosh pit. The president stated, "In designating this area a national trea...

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Funny story: Led Zeppelin To Record A Christmas Album

Led Zeppelin To Record A Christmas Album

LONDON - The manager of Led Zeppelin Christopher Dutchmill has stated that in lieu of going on tour, the heavy metal British band will instead record a Christmas album. Dutchmill stated that the reason that LZ decided against going on tour was due...

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Funny story: Hellmouth Opens in Grounds of Knebworth House

Hellmouth Opens in Grounds of Knebworth House

The Occult News is reporting that about 50,000 demons have been spotted rampaging around the grounds of Knebworth House near Stevenage, prompting fears that a new Hellmouth has opened. The demons, many of them pasty teenagers or pot-bellied middle...

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Funny story: New Metal Occult Band formed by Alisteir Crowley, Jimmy Page and Jaz

New Metal Occult Band formed by Alisteir Crowley, Jimmy Page and Jaz

As a reaction to the rejection of my superb piece relating to a spoof press conference held by Jaz from Killing Joke I immediately called Jaz and informed him of the apparent lack of understanding and acceptance for esoterical/occult subject matter on the spoof site. In his anger he immediately informed the satanic underworld, touched based with Alisteir who in - turn informed Jimmy Page and t...

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Funny story: "Git-Mo" reveals new music CD; Songs to torture by

"Git-Mo" reveals new music CD; Songs to torture by

It was reported today that Guantanamo Bay has compiled a CD with their top 17 songs to torture by. "The bleeding ears sweet seventeen", as they are affectionately called by gitmo staff comes out just in time for Christmas. The new album's release...

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Funny story: Extremist Headbangers to be Barred from UK

Extremist Headbangers to be Barred from UK

Tougher measures to prevent extremists entering the UK are to be announced by Home Secretary Jacqui 'Stabvest' Smith as soon as they can dust the cobwebs off some semi-comatose senior civil service Mandarin and get him to cough up a few novel ideas t...

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Funny story: Axl Rose Forms Supergroup of Gingers

Axl Rose Forms Supergroup of Gingers

Guns 'N Roses frontman Axl Rose has formed a super group made up entirely of famous red-haired artists and intends to do a world tour before the end of this year.

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Funny story: Guns N' Roses Fans Have No Sense Of Humor

Guns N' Roses Fans Have No Sense Of Humor

Heavy Metal fans around the world (but particularly Canada) must hang their lank-haired, smelly heads in shame today following the revelation that the stoner losers have absolutely no sense of humor.

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Funny story: iPods, lightning and "heavy metal" incur wrath of God, claims New England Journal of Medicine

iPods, lightning and "heavy metal" incur wrath of God, claims New England Journal of Medicine

Los Angeles, California - The New England Journal of Medicine warns iPod users this week not to tempt fate in these final days as we wait upon the judgment by wearing iPods, during a thunderstorm and especially while listening to 'heavy metal,...

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Funny story: Black Sabbath to Reunite, Osbourne Mumbles

Black Sabbath to Reunite, Osbourne Mumbles

NEW YORK - Heavy metal pioneers Black Sabbath will reunite for Ozzfest, which begins July 10 in Hartford, Conn., according to the Ozzfest Web site.

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Funny story: Slipknot Hire Llewelyn Bowen

Slipknot Hire Llewelyn Bowen

In what is being heralded as the most surprising move in any band's career, thrash metallers "Slipknot" have hired the talents of interior designer Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen. Bowen, 36 is rumoured to be thrilled by the new prospect, and is already in t...

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