ORANGE GLO, FL - Superstar of the infomercial world Billy Mays was pronounced dead this morning at his home in Orange Glo, Florida. The shouting spokesman, 50, was reportedly trying to remove a particularly stubborn stain from his carpet when he s...
ANCHORAGE, AK - Saint Nicholas suffered a massive coronary thrombosis near the end of a strenuous delivery schedule this Christmas. Ignoring his doctor's repeated advice to watch his diet, the jolly old elf loaded up on milk and cookies while en rou...
The UK government announced via the medium of dance today that they are going to introduce a 'cold standard' of treatment in London for heart attack patients. 'We've given up really' said Health Minister Lord Arid Carzi. "In London alone, a 5% c...
Atlanta, GA - The Center for Musical Disease Control in Atlanta has announced that the Bee Gees' hit song "Stayin' Alive" has one of the best beats for performing CPR. The song played during John Travolta's famous dancing scene in Saturday Night...
Off-the-Wall St, NYC - (Psychic Mess): Dow Jones-listed internet bookmaker Aintgottaprayer.con has reported a (Wailing) wall of money for GOP presidential wannabe John McCain having a fatal coronary ahead of the 4 November election. The spread-bet...
Washington, DC - Vice President Dick Cheney was rushed to hospital today when it was feared that he suffered a heart attack. According to unofficial reports, Cheney stopped to donate a dime to a homeless person camped outside his White House offi...
Wall Street Journal, September, 2008: Our favorite Uncle Sam suffered a Coronary heart attack this week. He was immediately rushed to the emergency room at Washington DC General Hospital. Dr. Bush the resident emergency room physician diagnosed th...
A man with an enormous beer-belly has suffered a heart attack after he looked 'down' to check if his shoe lases were untied, but was instead confronted by his enormous belly staring back at him. In a frantic attempt to make sure his feet were still t...
The entertainment world today collectively mourned the passing of a giant of children's television - Cookie Monster. Cookie was found slumped on the floor in his kitchen, after apparently suffering a massive heart attack. He was 57.
Vice President Dick Cheney collapsed Sunday morning while taking a shower. "Luckily he carries a panic button," said his doctor. "He was dead several minutes before we got to him."...
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