The last of the Zimbabwean big game hunters, Clayton LeMoors, one time sausage vendor based in Portsmouth but living in Southampton was called in today by Hampshire Constabulary to deal with a rampaging bull elephant situation, in Above Bar, Southamp...
Washington D.C. (Rooterz) - The FBI has decided to probe an anonymous elephant after it swallowed President Obama's cell phone while he was on a four day tour of the National Zoo in Washington, DC. "This is a matter of national security." says an...
As Britain attempts to come to grips with a catastrophic cabbage crop, one smallholder from Hereford has reported that his single acre of land is yielding a record cabbage harvest, which he puts down to the mysterious appearance of an African bull el...
Actor and former Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger has been speaking today about his shock at finding that he has turned into an elephant. The 64-year-old former body builder told journalists that he discovered his transformation after wak...
An elephant at London Zoo will go on trail today for being very naughty as many people report that he shouted nasty things from his zoo cage. Eye witness accounts say the things he said were "Very offensive" and that they "Were very offended by it...
A rampaging elephant is something that shoppers don't often encounter in Manchester's Arndale Centre, but that's exactly what happened this morning. A rogue elephant rampaged around the malls, charged shoppers, headbutted plate glass windows, over...
Holidaymakers - mainly women, who tend not to cope with such events very well - at Blackpool were left in a state of shock yesterday when an African bull elephant became stranded on the beach, having been washed up by the incoming tide. Most men p...
Robert Pattinson's latest vehicle Water For Elephants has already been hailed as a work of classic cinema. "Promises to be one of the most notable examples of a film about water and elephants this year!" trumpeted Sabu, the film critic of Pachyd...
In a remarkable turn of events, it transpires that humanity is tailoring the biosphere of Earth, proving once and for all that they are the designers mooted by the sham-science, scaremongering, opiate for the unimaginative: Intelligent Design communi...
CHICAGO - The star of the Twilight movies Rob Pattinson and his Water For Elephants co-star Reese Witherspoon were in Chicago promoting the highly touted circus themed motion picture which is set during The Great Depression. In the film RPattz sta...
A circus elephant who loved a "bevvy" ot two and was buried in the grounds of his favourite drinking oasis, a Welsh pub, is now being dug up. The elephant belonged to a circus and every time they passed by he used to "hang out" with the locals and...
Sociologists have long since claimed that dancing in humans is a form of courtship display, no different from the dancing done by Birds of Paradise or Blue Footed Boobies. However, this is hotly contested with dancing a common feature across all huma...
Safari tourists experienced a terrifying incident in Pilanesberg game reserve, South Africa as a horny bull elephant full of balls attempted to copulate with a VW passat. The passengers realised there was something wrong when Amarula, the bull ele...
It had to happen. No sooner had the news broken of the ladle-wielding wife who beat off a tiger, saving her husband's life, than the stories came pouring in. "Tiger? Huh! That's nothing!" was the general gist, as we sifted through the 113,965 messages emailed to us from darkest Peru, from the top of Ayres Rock in Oz, and all places between and beyond. Having verified these amazing stories...
'Ever wondered why elephant's can't dance or why hamsters can sky dive without a parachute then the historic Royal Institution Christmas Lectures will reveal all this Christmas.' Well who the bloody hell gives a flying fig whether elephants can or cannot dance? It has never been of concern to this writer and I don't think any of our readers were planning to ask an elephant out on a date anytim...
Well who the fuck is to blame for Ozone holes appearing in our once so pristine atmosphere, look sideways and you will find the answer? Jaggedone has been researching this subject and after studying a global scientific survey I have come to the stinking, disgusting, polluting, stenching conclusion that farting Indian/African Elephants, Australian Sheep, American Cows, etc, are to blame! Nev...
The Pachyderm Pooper Scoopers of America (PPSA) Local 443 in Freemont, California has reported a marked increase in the number of elephant pooper scoopers being hired across the country to clean up in the run up to the mid-term elections. Republicans...
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