London - (Armageddinouttahere! Mess): Biblical prophecy onanists have warned the transit of two-tailed Comet Lulin hails a terrible end for the Hellfire Club puppet monarch's reign this Sunday. "The comet augurs the fake dynasty matriarch choking...
London - (X-Files Mess): A highly noxious comet replete with Zyklon-B isotopes is on a Friday 13th February collision course with the UK shipping scrapyard charged with scuttling the toxic French aircraft carrier Le Clemenceau. Comet Lulin had be...
London - (Coup 'Stark' d'Etat Mess): Monday's magnificent Aquarius solar eclipse occurs horribly close to the credit crunching trajectory of a portentuous Doomsday comet that has been homing in on Buckingham Palace airspace all January. The comet'...
London - (Grateful Dead Sea Scolls Mess): The Biblical comet first seen at the Nativity in Bethlehem is making its Grateful Dead Sea Scrolls-predicted comeback this weekend over Buckingahm Palace. According to latest Scrolls transcripts we can exp...
Mount Palomar, California (IPP) - Astronomers have discovered a bright new comet which is being described as "not-so-new" after all. The comet was discovered in the constellation Ursa Major by the automated array system operating under very dark s...
In their latest findings, researchers Richard Bridgestone and Allen East say that they have found compelling evidence of a Native American culture predating the Clovis people, who were long thought to be North America's first colonists. The evid...
Palm Beach International Airport, Florida (IP) - Comet Holmes made history today when it became the first comet to land at an airport.
Detroit, Michigan (IP) - Comet Holmes has suddenly brightened to negative 28 magnitude which is brighter than the sun.
Mount Palomar, California (IP) - A second satellite comet has been found near the comet Holmes according to reports issued from the Mount Palomar Observatory Campus. Astronomer Dr. Povenmire Finootch has issued the name of Watson to the companion co...
Mount Palomar, California (IP) - Breaking news being broadcast in morse code from the Mount Palomar Observatory Campus indicates that Comet Holmes has changed course and is headed directly for the Earth. Morse code was used in order to avoid creatin...
Mephistophels, Tennessee (IP) - Comet Holmes is the fifth sign in a series of recent events that signals the end of the current world.
Cape Canaveral, Florida (IP) - The cult that left Earth and joined the comet Hale-Bopp in its journey trough the solar system has returned to a position near the Earth. The comet has been placed into a neutral zone in cislunar orbit.
London - (Rioters): Predators such as George Bush, Tony Blair and Pope Ratzinger could be in for a nasty Second Coming shock this Valentine's Day as a huge comet originating in the costellation of Aquilla the Eagle heralds the Return of the King,...
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