Last week, the widely-reputed online educational institution the University of Phoenix awarded President Donald Trump an honorary Bachelor of Arts degree in Sociology. “I'm thrilled,” stated President Trump. “Private online education is the wave o...
New York City, NY - A student was kicked out of his college this week for not being black enough. The former student checked the "Black" box on his college application and was counted as a minority when he was accepted. Once enrolled, the administra...
New York City, NY - Local universities reported an uptick in popularity in Turf Management Studies, particularly for college applicants with Italian-American backgrounds. Students who major in turf management learn how to maintain the turf on sp...
My friend and neighbor Jacko and my old English Comp teacher Feducious T. Flynt stopped by the other day and informed me they were on a sojourn for what they considered to be the quest for the holy grail. "We're taking a road trip, then we'll be t...
A new federal law that ensures that children will no longer mooch off taxpayer money in order obtain an education at public elementary schools will take effect in 2017. The "Fuck Yo Kids" initiative will force the majority of schoolchildren in the...
College student Ronnie O'Brien stated to the press that she couldn't wait for the next season of True Love to come out. The season finale occurred earlier this month, and next season won't arrive until at least May of next year. On her calendar, she is counting down the days until the season approximate start date, and she's at 244 days, a very depressing figure. She feels like she is literally...
President Tonto recently upheld the constitutional protection for students to bear arms within the classroom and other public and private areas on the campus of Dumas State University. For weeks, students have staged sit-ins and demonstrations evoki...
I ran into my old English Comp Professor Feducious T. Flynt at the mall the other day and he told me he quit teaching and was now going to be a science-fiction writer. "That's terrible. Absolutely atrocious. I feel so sorry for you, Feducious," I said. "No, no, no. It's wonderful. And I'm just about at the halfway point of my first novel," he said jubilantly. "I'm doing so well that I decide...
I'd been working as an administrative assistant at an Ivy League university for about a year when my boss, the school's marketing director, asked me to compile a list of inspirational quotes for the graduating class. I dutifully sent a mass email to the alumni, asking them to share the best advice they had for the students before they entered the "real" world. I then boiled down their responses to...
Washington--Republican firebrand Ted Cruz said today that "like those guys on TV," he too was "Jesus Charlie." He went on to denounce President Obama's recent proposal giving workers two free years of community college as "Obamacare for education."...
Fourteen undergraduates from a college in New York U.S. are currently getting psychological counselling after a return visit from France. The students were hand picked to travel to the Ecole des Roches in Normandy France, for six weeks, in order to l...
Cambridge, MA-In order to select the "most qualified" undergraduate candidates from an increasingly selective applicant pool, Harvard College has added a Standardized Hoop-Jumping Test (SHJT) to its admissions criteria, and the rest of the Ivy League...
New Brunswick, NJ - Smiling, and without a care in the world, FLOTUS showed up at Rutgers University today to unveil a brand new academic program she is credited with creating, in conjunction with the Board of Regents, that should be a hit with t...
TEMPE, AZ-A detailed report completed this spring semester by national scholars announces Arizona State University (ASU) as the worst school in the history of colleges and universities in the world. Based on the results from a ten-year study conc...
I'm certainly dad left it in his will that my college would be paid for along with an allowance so that I could concentrate of my getting better grades. Then my mother passed away and left me the house and car. So, for the last twenty plus year...
WASHINGTON, D.C. - A US Government Study has just been released which shows that the practice of twerking could very well lead to coitus. The scientific study was conducted at Johnny Appleseed University in Indianapolis, Indiana. A total of 500...
CARPINTERIA, California - The faculty at Left Coast College located in Carpinteria, California is thrilled at having just learned that the United States government has agreed to provide them with a $17.3 million grant. The grant is being provided...
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