SAGINAW, Michigan - Two of the world's leading scientists have called a press conference to announce what they say is an astonishing fact regarding the moon. Dr. Heinrich Von Heinrich and Dr. Currington S. Clexweiser have discovered that contrary...
Remember the Black Foot semi rotten Iberico ham served in Spanish Cafes on the Costas? Or perhaps the off-flavoured translucent cheese served with tooth shattering sweet bread rolls? The EU may shortly be insisting that Spain's food makers look outsi...
MADISON, Wisconsin - A spokesperson for the governor's office has stated that he wants to thank all of the concerned citizens who have brought the practice of duplicate and triplicate signs to the state's attention. Gideon Hookerfaust, 48, speakin...
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Back during the 2012 presidential campaign President Obama told a crowd at a political rally in Detroit's Carburetor Arena that he was going to see what he could do to help stimulate Michigan's economy. He noted that there were...
Millions of asthmatics all over the world have signed a petition to ban the food colouring Annato. The evil chemical is the best friend of the peanut and it is responsible for a sudden country wide epidemic of food allergies. The epidemic has resul...
"I think they did it on purpose. They knew what it was and I should have guessed something was wrong when the shop girls started to snigger and point at me. They didn't warn me." Speaking on condition of anonymity and asking to be referred to as...
The US border guards have got quite a problem on their hands because they just cannot stop smugglers invading the country from all sides! Mexican smugglers in the south enjoy a free for all whilst dodging dodgy border guards who seem to arrest Mex...
Cheese Singles, those flat yellow rectangles of vaguely cheese tasting material are not, as advertised, cheese. "After careful analysis of melting patterns under a hot grill," said professor of cheese, Adam Gouda, "we have concluded that, at best,...
A 73-year-old Spanish man was gored in the right leg on the first day of the annual running of the bulls in Pamplona, though the incident actually occurred in Balham, South London, while he was shopping for cheese. Pedro Santorini from Pamplona an...
IRVING, Texas - Chuck E. Cheese's mascot, the giant, hideous-looking rodent has been shooed out the front door. After 35 years of being the official spokesrat for one of America's leading children's pizza establishments Chuck E. will join the rank...
Dear Sir, I am writing in the hope that any of your readership may have a care for our lost histories. You see, I live here in Broadwoodwidger and am researching the lives of our ancestor, Edwin Puley, who was a Cheesewright and Noddler, and indeed served his time in your very environment before ending his days as a Master Cheesewright and Chief Noddler back here in Devon. I visited your...
Cheddar or Gouda, Brie or Edam, it turns out that the congealed mess that is left if you leave milk in the sun can form the basis of a working time machine. "We noticed that the vacuoles of air inside a cheese were remarkably dense," said Professo...
Hotelier Basil Fawlty has come to the defence of his old friend Antony Wally Thomson after the TV chef was arrested stealing wine and cheese on five separate occasions from down on their luck supermarket Tesburys. Speaking to trade magazine 'Hotel...
The BBC have dropped plans Newsnight to investigate the private life of Jimmy Savile, just weeks after he died in October. The Daily Fail newspaper reports that the Beeb had planned to examine the claims that Saville regularly stole cheese from h...
China and Iran are two countries that spring to mind when we think about torture, however, if I had to choose a country in which to suffer it I would be happy to be stuck in Ireland. Here follows a list of Irish torture techniques: Cheese boarding: Subjects are made to sniff whiffy cheeses such as 'Stinky Bishop' and Stilton for hours on end. In extreme circumstances prison guards have even bee...
Wincanton, Somerset - Highly combustible bovine methane is suspected of being behind a Devon blaze where firefighters are tackling the county's biggest blaze for a decade. Acrid fumes reminiscent of charred Welsh Rarebit have engulfed the area as...
Libuse, La. - Mrs. Del Taylor remembers last Friday morning when, she says with a bit of nervous laughter, she discovered only four eggs and a small packet of grated American cheese in the refrigerator. Her husband Kenny was in the bathroom readying...
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