Consumer groups here in arctic Britain today launched a scathing attack on Britain's selfish, uncaring panic-buying hoarders, labelling them as "Bastards!" In supermarkets all over the country, shoppers were greeted by empty fresh veg sections, em...
(Defecated News) Troubled star George Michael has had to deal with many addictions over his lifetime. These include addiction to: > Lying about his gayness > Only having one dance move > Being a Serial Fudge-Packer > Being shit...
Scientists have today revealed that foods containing the sweetener 'fructose' can seriously damage your health. Even minute trace elements of the artificial sweetener can cause horrific reactions. Dr Strabismus whom God preserve of Utrecht, tol...
The widely popular television (also known as the stoner's paradise, the picto-cube, the Funbox, and the idiot box) is now the greatest achievement in the history of mankind since the wheel, sliced bread and, according to many, white chocolate Kinder...
God's been talking more bollox and this time it's about foodstuffs. The divine being was waiting in line at the local supermarket when he suddenly began preaching in his usual demented manner. He said that man cannot live by bread alone - which is...
In a landmark test case ruling, Worcester magistrates imposed a lifetime Supermarket ban on Worcester woman Carol Ann Jones because she insisted on squeezing every loaf of bread on display in order to 'test it for freshness.' Supermarket giants co...
Police have named the thirteenth victim of "Judge Dead" as Dr Urnst Scourplug, the mad cap inventor of sliced bread. He died peacefully at his home whilst being hacked to death in a blood-lust attack by a mad axe-wielding killer. The killer, The Righ...
Following the recent experiments with the LHC, Professor Hugh Jarse was able to reveal how toasters actually work. "The question of where did the bread go when the toast comes out has now been answered." Said Profesor Jarse He went on to explai...
Haiti's President Déficit has ordered people to stop rioting over soaring bread prices.
Saint Paul, Minnesota (From the desk of Herbert Muschamp, former New York Times architecture critic) - The morally bankrupt GOP intends to hold their 2008 Republican National Convention at the equally architecturally bankrupt Xcel Energy Center next...
London AssPress:- A major food outlet is being investigated after claims that raw toast is being sold in all of its branches across the length and breadth of Christendom.
Subway has very delicious salads as well as big bread sandwishes. Many so-called dieters love the food and love the fact that the sandwishes are soo big. Many people who have gained over a certain number of pounds have set realistic goals providing they have trainers of the opposite sex. When in the company of people of theopposite sex, the desire for more food diminishes. Conversation becomes...
In a disturbing incident Monday, A mother of 3 upset her middle child, and herself. During an upsetting household experiment involving 2 pieces of bread, a plate, and 17 books, an angry mom exploded at her kid." Why do you always delay these thi...
Poland's sour dough rye bread with caraway seeds is the globe's new top loaf.
Wonder Bread, Inc., manufacturer of Wonder Bread announced today that they are offering new ready made Sandwich Loaves. The new product offers the ease of sliced bread and the nutrition of a mother-made sandwich all wrapped up in a plastic bag to ke...
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