Immediately after the announcement by President Obama that veteran terrorist and provocateur, Osama bin Laden, had been taken down by a surprise attack at his secret compound in Pakistan, Islamabad Craig's List was inundated with ads soliciting for t...
Extremist clerics have revealed that terrorist and Al-Queda leader Osama Bin Laden will not receive his expected 72 virgins in the afterlife. The mass murderer and director of the 9/11 attacks was killed in Pakistan, but will not be going to any for...
Prince William was unhappy to learn on his wedding night that his bride, Kate Middleton, was not a virgin. From the lobby pub of a local hotel, he complained vocally to other drinkers about his wedding night blues. He told one one group of men wi...
Miss Kate Middleton, to be metamorphosed into Princes Catherine in 48 hours, is taking legal action against two London tabloids - 'The Pun' and 'The Daily Wale'. In an exclusive interview with the hard-news daily 'The Whines' Miss Middleton explai...
For hundreds of years, doctors assigned to the Royal Family have done their duty to see that all prospective brides of the Royals are pure and chaste. This procedure involves interviews, confessions, and a physical examination to verify that the hym...
Dead Afghan suicide terrorist, Oh No Mohammed, was disappointed to find out that his seventy two virgins reward for dying for Allah were all refurbished with non-human parts. Needless to say, he is really, really pissed. "I cannot believe this!"...
Prince William has announced his plans to marry his long-term girlfriend, Kate Middleton, so what? Well at least the world has some happy news to celebrate and Royal followers will be jumping over the moon. But there is one slight worry about K...
Reports from above indicate that stories of wild sex with 72 virgins, promised by radical Islamic clerics as a reward for those who blow themselves and others up for the cause of Allah, have come to a halt because of a tertiary boycott by virgins who...
RIYADH PROVINCE, Saudi Arabia--In this arid part of the Desert Kingdom lives Ghaniyah Hisen, whose name means "beautiful," but apparently Arab men haven't read the memo, because the woman has gone without a man her entire 54 years. "Would it kil...
For those who couldn't get a girl to touch their genitals if a key to a Porsche dangled from their nuts, filling up the free time between waking up in their parents' basement and whacking off to fall asleep becomes Job One. And a new hobby may fill t...
The famous 72 virgins promised to dead terrorists for dying in a jihad (holy war) have come forward. The women, ranging in age from 1380 to 1420 years old, say that they have grown tired of their virginity status. "We've been waiting in our Vic...
A spokesman for the BP Oil Company says that the cap they placed on the leaking oil well in the Gulf was only partially successful...well, say ten to thirty percent. Immediately the crowd booed, sandals were thrown and he was then hit by nearly a...
Hold your crotch until we can get through the "Extra Virgin" label on olive oil first. If you've noticed the terms "extra virgin, virgin, cold-pressed, lemon flavored and pure" on the olive oil at the grocery, what does it all mean? "You have...
While teenagers around the U.S. prepare for the end of the regular school year, the onset of an annual Prom night event promises to yield a new set of challenges to those young lovers anxious to get their first 15 second sexual experience out of the...
A new TV Reality Craze is set to madden the nation's telly addicts, writes Phil E Buster for The Daily Guttersnipe. First it was Big Brother, the blockbuster phenomenon that captivated TV audiences worldwide. Viewers were alternately thrilled, bor...
Sir Richie Branston has been fined by the European courts after investigations found that he was discriminating against potential employees as his unwritten policy was to only employee virgins. This information was leaked after an employee who w...
PETERHEAD, Scotland, UK - The entertainment world is still aghast in the wake of today's bombshell from singer Susan Boyle. Apparently, Boyle has told reporters that she is a virgin. Boyle, the Scottish singing sensation, called a press conferenc...
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