Boston - Retired pitcher Curt Shilling has many heads shaking in Beantown today since announcing he is interested in the seat of recently deceased senator Ted Kennedy. Why the retired athlete wants a less than noble part of Kennedy's anatomy is pu...
Boston, Massachusetts - It's official. Ted Kennedy's funeral made it into the "Guinness Book of World Records" as not only the biggest Irish Wake ever held in history, but with people cuing up in line to view the body of the friend of the friendless,...
Boston, Massachusetts - A splinter cell from the former Irish Republican Army (IRA) identifying themselves simply as the "Sons and Daughters of Saint Patrick's Battalion" planned to kidnap the body of famous Irish-American, Ted Kennedy, sometime last...
Boston - (Nepotism Mess): That's it, signed, sealed, delivered and a done deal. The next US Senator from Massachusetts will be chosen on 27 February 2010 when Chelsea Clinton turns 30. "That will make her the youngest woman ever to become Senat...
Former child star Macauley Culkin is thought to have fathered Teddy Kennedy's secret lovechild. Following Kennedy's death it has now been revealed that Culkin donated sperm to fertilise Wanda Whoppers, a barmaid from the Hyannis Port Irish bar. Whopp...
London - (Mary Jo Lactating Mess): "Sure, he was the ultimate big boob man," a spokesman for the organization commented today, "and keeping abreast of the IRA's arrested development gave him a kind of, er, spiritual sucker (sic)." Kennedy's Hellfi...
BOSTON - The city council of Boston voted by a 6 to 4 vote to change the city's name from Boston to Teddy Town. The move is in honor of one of the most famous residents in Massachusetts history along with Miles Standish, Paul Revere, Henry Wadswo...
MEXICO CITY (ABSNN) - In what can only be called the most bizarre Ted Kennedy funeral tribute thus far seen on the planet, nearly 13,000 Mexicans grabbed their penises-or pretended to possess penises to grab-before the Monument of the Revolution in M...
Boston - Amid Republican concerns about politicizing the death of Senator Edward Kennedy, President Obama today gave a 16 minute eulogy without mentioning Sen Kennedy, the Kennedy family or Kennedy's 46 years in the US Senate. Instead, Obama chose to...
Pop star Michael Jackson was finally buried today, weeks after his death, sharing a casket with Senator Ted Kennedy. The joint service was attended by presidents Obama, Clinton and thousands of screaming Japanese teenagers. Jackson, who rose t...
Washington,DC/ Double Speak Anarchist News - In a full out effort to bring American Thinking more in line with his universal policy of appeasement, apology and apoplexy, the Obama Team, led by Chicago Social Terrorists the Emanuel Brothers,aided by...
Boston - (RIP Mess): It's been over for nearly 30 years. But as they meet again across a crowded Our Lady of Perpetrator Help Basilica funeral aisle today Joan Kennedy and Bill Clinton will know their torrid five year fling eventually led to the dow...
Kennebunkport - (Chappaquiddick Mess): "Goddam bastard killed my sister Mary Jo. Now this frickin bell book n candle freakshow? Send Dubya if he's sober. Hell'll freeze over before I budge." President George Bush Senior is boycotting Mary Jo Kope...
(New York-NY) Ted Kennedy, the Lion of the Senate or given his girth more like the Whale, died this week. The 40-year Senator eulogized by politicians while Twitter tweets "Mary Jo Kopechne is probably giving Ted an earful right now as he makes his descent into purgatory for a LONG time." What does it mean, not for the Kennedy legacy but for me? Hey, I never claimed to be a saint or even Irish Cat...
Berlin - (Ass Mess): It was always Senator Ted Kennedy's dying wish was to be plastinated by German anatomist Gunther Von Haagendaz according to a press release today. And now the embalming nutter wants to start stripping away those corpulent laye...
Groom Lake, Nevada - (X-Files Mess): Master mortician Ray Santilli is to publish his Ted Kennedy autopsy video amid concerns the Massachussetts senator was an alien hybrid. The Roswell specialist reckons he has proof that Rose FitzGerald Kennedy's...
With the passing of Edward Kennedy America has apparently lost an icon of the left. But did the left ever exist? In a nation which recently paralleled fixing some skint person's teeth for free, with the immediate re-emergence of Stalin, how left can it be? In the UK you could probably stick your hand down the back of the sofa and come up with an anarchist trying to blow up an oil rig. In Ameri...
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