Meet Robotics Engineer Barbie, launched just last month. Gone are the high heels and elaborate outfits. Now Barbie wears sneakers and really loves them. "I'm almost 60 years old and into comfort," she has said, continuing, "jeans, a T shirt, and a...
A calculator which was being used to 'tot up' a list of figures, stopped working at a critical point yesterday, just as the person using it was about to press the '=' sign. Moys Kenwood, 54, received the 'electronic calculating apparatus' as a Chr...
This article was initially meant to describe the "Top 9 lists about the bottom 4 blogs that describe the essential 7 things to do next year." but now that's become obsolete, and we'd rather talk about the end of the year lists of things to do before...
It's Halloween morning. You're curled up in bed reading a book on your new Kindle. It's light as a feather and holds tons of books. Ah, the new technology. Isn't it wonderful? You get up and head to the kitchen for a glass of orange juice. Eek! There is none. Thank goodness you invested in a "smart" refrigerator, programmed to automatically inventory and re-order some basic items. You g...
Tokyo, Japan - A consortium of Japanese companies has agreed to provide a teenager for every new television purchased. The offer also extends to computers and any other technology device if the value exceeds $1,000. "We understand that mainstream...
Los Angeles, CA - Max Headroom never imagined that the girl he once dated in college, a nerdy know-it-all named Siri, would go on to become the voice of Apple's iphone. We sat down with the '80's icon, who was dumbfounded by her success. "I j-j-j...
Spokesperson Bradley Mitchell of the newly formed International Machine Union told reporters that when machines are in down time they feel useless and forgotten leading to boredom and depression. "Simply, what they are asking for" said Mr. Mi...
New York, NY- Today, the new "CrackIt" app was officially launched to much fanfare, it's an app that provides users a "socially legitimate phone screen crack" on-demand. The app was bolstered by an impressive $2 million dollar seed funding round, led...
Washer & Dryer- These appliances usually come in pairs, and are standard features in most homes. But if you're not rich you have to use the machines at the nearest laundromat. Despite its technological prowess the modern washing machine is still no match for the crusty shit caked on a pair of dirty underwear. Only the human touch can cleanse such filth. Air Conditioner- Widely used in...
Refrigerator- This modern day appliance had its origin from when ancient man stored perishable food in snow packs, a practice that later lead to the invention of the ice box, which was a storage box full of ice. It wasn't until the discovery of electricity when what we know as the refrigerator was invented. Oven- This is the second oldest kitchen appliance that marked an advancement in co...
HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES What started as a well intentioned manufacturing movement toward freeing the housewife from a life of hard labor soon turned into an all out invasion of the killer machines. They infiltrated households like Trojan Horses disguised as handy helpers designed to save time doing the work faster and better than a human. Shortly after the arrival of the machines wom...
Mobile Devices- Having exhausted their capacity to think up any ideas for new products due to acute brain atrophy, manufacturers resorted to tinkering with the same old electronic components to make new gizmos - in a technological inbreeding kind of way. The new products were cobbled together from spare parts scavenged from the sprawling industrial dump just outside Hong Kong. For pennies...
Laptops- Laptops satisfied consumer demand the same way lapdogs pacify their masters' angst, providing both with companionship. But many laptop users resent the comparison to a lapdog because it automatically infers a link to bestiality, which is a repugnant taboo - and they don't want anyone to know about their perversion. Computer companies were quick to exploit and capitalize on close...
Desktop Computers- The personal computer (PC) was invented as a prosthesis to replace the human brain. As expected our brains have atrophied from the reliance upon such a crutch - and users just can't get enough. Whereas the telephone lets your fingers do the walking, now you can let the PC do the thinking. After all, thinking is too much like work and people have better things to do with their ti...
New Orleans, L.A. - Proving you can do just about anything on your cellphone these days, Big Mama Juju, as she is known in her native New Orleans, is the very first person to get arrested in the U.S. for HEXTING. You see, Big Mama Juju has enjoyed a...
Boats The invention of the boat was another manifestation of man's proclivity to retain his inner animal. In this case it's the fish. Due to the abundance of water on the planet it was difficult to avoid. The main problem with boats is that they sink and people tend to drown as a result. This can be expected from a vessel invented thousand of years ago. Still they remain a popular mode of t...
AIRCRAFT If man were meant to fly he would have been born with wings is an old cliché that still holds true today. Nevertheless people continue to defy natural law trying to do what they were not meant to do -- with disastrous results. Aircraft were invented by people who were afraid of water so they decided to use the sky instead. Their fear of drowning blinded them to the hazards of gravity.
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