You would think that Justin Bieber is trying to save up his sperm as at least his own blood supply, according to news reporters and some fans. But he is donating sperm regularly. He has apparently been changing banks lately after being spotted (an...
Several cities, because of the lack of donations, have placed after hours ATM Machines at their sperm banks. Now you can go to the blood plasma bank and get some cash and then you go over to the Sperm Bank ATM and who knows how many children we wi...
After several months of construction, the staff at Little Wigglies Sperm Bank celebrated the opening of their eagerly anticipated ATM today. "It was very exciting. We had a ribbon cutting ceremony and served Red Bull and oyster snacks," gushed...
Lancashire, U.K. - In a story that can only be seen in light of that old adage, reversed, 'What comes a round, goes around,' a German expatriate living as a civil servant in Britain, Helmut Heins, has claimed to have fathered over 10,000 children thr...
As the world's financial markets and banking system continue on a wild roller coaster ride, a major crisis is spreading to a banking sector few people ever think of. Sehman Brothers, who hold the UK's largest and most diverse sperm deposits, have...
COPENHAGEN, Denmark - France's national news agency Le News is reporting that the largest sperm bank system in the world Wigglies 'R' Us has issued an official directive stating that it will no longer accept any deposits from redheads. The Directo...
Chancellor George Osborne has agreed a deal with the wank bank that will force them to start lending again. The wank bank had refused to lend back sexual and arousing images that men had stored leading to very tense situations. The news will be...
Reading Police are cock-a-hoop over the arrest of the two notorious Directors of "Sperm-U-Like," a long running Internet scam aimed at desperate, childless couples. Clients paid £380 to join, choosing potential fathers from a list of anonymous sp...
Two UK men have been accused of illegally selling frozen sperm over the Internet when asked how they did it they gave the following statement: "We wanked ourselves to death day and night, then we froze the sperm and flogged it over the internet to...
SAN ANTONIO - In the who said there is nothing new under the sun category. A branch of The San Antonio Second National Sperm Bank has just opened up the nation's very first Sperm Bank with a drive thru window. Traci Ann Quickowitz, president in ch...
The shortage of jizz in Britain has worsened. Gordon Brown revealed today that the only big wankers left in the UK were in Parliament. With the shortage getting worse British women seeking a bun in their oven have begun to search abroad in the hop...
Los Angeles, California - (HumpDump): An LA fertility clinic offering sperm from donors resembling celebrities has prematurely withdrawn its "Tiger Woods' lookalike facilities. California Crybabybank sources said today recent controversy surroundi...
Chicago, Il./ Financial Times - Al Gore will soon be known as THE WORLD'S RICHEST FORMER VICE PRESIDENT, but he is more concerned that his frozen sperm is being threatened by "Global Warming" and is not protected by an FDIC policy covering most o...
A sperm bank has taken steps to beat the crunch. Following a downturn in business the Nova Mews Sperm Bank has identified ways to move forward. Those making a withdrawal will see a significant reduction if they buy in bulk. For example, if they pu...
WALLA WALLA, WA - Wankers Trust, the nation's largest sperm bank, is looking to the Federal Government's Troubled Masturbation Relief Program (TMRP) to see it through an unprecedented crisis. Chairman of the bank, Hans Job, said, "Due to the publ...
As world banks collapse like New Orlean levys under the stress of Katrina and the neglect of Bush, many economic experts have overlooked the desperate plight of the nation's sperm banks. Billions of dollars have been poured out to rescued the mon...
WASHINGTON, D.C. - When Hustler publisher Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild filmmaker Joe Francis traveled to Washington to ask for $5 billion in bailout money, their expectations weren't exactly high. To their surprise, Congress offered them a deal i...
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