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Funny satire stories about Sherlock Holmes

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Funny story: Shylock Humes And The Narwhal's Tusk Scrimshaw, Part Four

Shylock Humes And The Narwhal's Tusk Scrimshaw, Part Four

My friend Shylock Humes looked at our remarkable visitor, Captain, or Professor, Goosefoundling - for it was indeed he - and spoke directly. His voice was like the crowing of a cock on a summer morning in Norfolk, when the sun begins to burnish the enormous sky and the windmills glow like rare moonstones. Fifteen minutes later, we had begun to tire of these farmyard impressions. My personal...

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Funny story: Shylock Humes And The Case Of The Narwhal's Tusk Scrimshaw, Part Three

Shylock Humes And The Case Of The Narwhal's Tusk Scrimshaw, Part Three

My friend Shylock Humes sat by the fireside in his favourite armchair, with his legs pulled up and his arms wrapped about his knees. He was coiled and taut, his head sunken into his gaunt shoulders. That recent training with contortionist Roberto the Rubberman of Bounder Brothers Circus was already paying off. Humes was staring at our extraordinary visitor, Captain, or Professor, Goosefoundling...

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Funny story: Shylock Humes And The Narwhal's Tusk Scrimshaw, Part Two

Shylock Humes And The Narwhal's Tusk Scrimshaw, Part Two

The man who stood in our doorway was breathing heavily. A swarthy, weathered leathery face with a cudgeled nose peered out from beneath a forward-tilted ancient green billycock hat and from between luxuriant long side-whiskers of the sort formerly termed Piccadilly weepers. The dark visage was screwed up as if it faced an Atlantic storm, rather than our humble sitting-room. A shiny, blue serge dou...

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Funny story: Shylock Humes And The Case Of The Narwhal's Tusk Scrimshaw, Part One

Shylock Humes And The Case Of The Narwhal's Tusk Scrimshaw, Part One

Shylock Humes was curled up in his chair like a coiled serpent. Why on earth he chose to have a piece of furniture shaped like a snake I had no idea. But that was my friend all over. His things were always all over the place. He used to leave his papers, smoking accoutrements and clothing lying all over the sitting room. Clutter was his middle name. Actually, it was Horatio, after the famous Admir...

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Funny story: Shylock Humes And The Case Of The Missing Case

Shylock Humes And The Case Of The Missing Case

It was a warm, clear day in early May. I had had a busy morning. Fruit bottling and goat-whispering were my great passions - when I was not assisting my friend Shylock Humes with his extraordinary cases - but there were times when it all became too much for my nerves. Kumquats can be uneasy bedfellows, I can assure you. And goats are not always easily whispered to, nor their owners easy to satisfy...

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Funny story: Shylock Humes And The Case Of The Purloined Budgerigar, Part Six

Shylock Humes And The Case Of The Purloined Budgerigar, Part Six

My friend Mr Shylock Humes was in determined mood, now that he could see his way forward. He was always more determined when he could see his way forward than when he could only see backwards. "There is no time to be lost", he cried. "The game's afoot. To the Drawling Room once more!" "Why did you repeat yourself Humes?" I asked, somewhat perplexed. "You said that at the end of Part Five."...

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Funny story: Shylock Humes And The Case Of The Purloined Budgerigar, Part Five

Shylock Humes And The Case Of The Purloined Budgerigar, Part Five

I looked at my friend Shylock Humes, and then at the huddled figure in the leather armchair. "Dead, Humes?" I ejaculated. It was all right, the butler had a cloth I could use. "No, Flotsam", answered my friend Shylock Humes. "I am not dead - though, in view of the paltry audience we get for this rubbish, I may as well be. No, I mean the figure in this leather armchair. His Lordship. He is qu...

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Funny story: The Adventures of Sherlock Cameron: Chapter the Second

The Adventures of Sherlock Cameron: Chapter the Second

One day I was taking tea in my rooms when Sherlock Cameron strode in. "You have probably never thought seriously of Boris Moriarty?" said he. "Of course not, the man's like a loveable labrador." "Aye, there's the genius and the wonder of the thing!" he cried. "That man pervades London, and no one takes him seriously. That's what puts him on a pinnacle in the records of bumbling politici...

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Funny story: The Adventures of Sherlock Cameron

The Adventures of Sherlock Cameron

In the year of 1989 I took my Doctor of Social Anthropology at the University of Cambridge and proceeded to travel around the world taking further education. Throughout this time I am told my political beliefs changed considerably, although if I am honest I would be hard pressed to recall this myself. Upon my return to England I became leader of a political party, and I spent a short time intr...

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Funny story: New Sherlock Holmes Series Announced

New Sherlock Holmes Series Announced

Following the success of the 3 episode modern "Sherlock Holmes", BBC have announced that an even more up to date series will be airing later this year. An unnamed source claims that all the characters would "accurately reflect society in the 21st...

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Funny story: Shylock Humes And The Case Of The Purloined Budgerigar, Part Four

Shylock Humes And The Case Of The Purloined Budgerigar, Part Four

We looked around the room. Shylock Humes was conspicuous by his absence. The Turkish cushions where he had been smoking lay in a shapeless heap in the corner. Well, that is not strictly accurate. It was a heap-shaped heap. But the cushions were definitely in it. That much is true. The fire had gone out. It was always doing that, without telling us where it was going. No doubt it would come cree...

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Funny story: Mail On Sunday blatantly rips off impoverished TheSpoof.com writers with Sherlock spoof

Mail On Sunday blatantly rips off impoverished TheSpoof.com writers with Sherlock spoof

It seems that two writers for satirical on-line publication TheSpoof.com have finally had enough of the Mail On Sunday and are planning a sit-in next Tuesday in a venue yet to be determined in protest at the MOS's blatant spoof Sherlock Holmes story.

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Funny story: Shocking Discovery: Sherlock Holmes' Unknown Wife Solved All Mysteries While He Was Cleaning the Tub

Shocking Discovery: Sherlock Holmes' Unknown Wife Solved All Mysteries While He Was Cleaning the Tub

Historians have uncovered previously unknown writings that Sherlock Holmes' wife, Julie, actually solved all of his cases while he was cleaning the bathroom tub. Up until the writings were discovered, no one had any idea that Sherlock Holmes had a w...

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Funny story: Shylock Humes: The Hound of the Basketvills Part 3

Shylock Humes: The Hound of the Basketvills Part 3

Shylock sent his friend and companion, Dr. Flotsum, a telegram. The message arrived tied to a brick that crashed through his lounge window, and struck Flotsum on the head. "Ow fuck!". He cried. "Cut backs!". Shouted the messenger boy as he rode off. Flotsum opened the note. come quickly. It read. "How does he know these things", thought Flotsum. Several hours later, Flotsum arrived...

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Funny story: Sherlock Holmes & The Mystery Of The Queen's Knickers blackballed

Sherlock Holmes & The Mystery Of The Queen's Knickers blackballed

Bromyard, Herefordshire - (Ass Biz): A play about the legendary sleuth's foragings in royal underwear has been banned to spare HM's blushes. The opening night of The Furtive (sic) Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and the Strange Case of the Queen's K...

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Funny story: Dr. Watson Says IBM Computer Stole His Name

Dr. Watson Says IBM Computer Stole His Name

Sherlock Holmes is trying to calm Dr. Watson down. No luck. As the IBM computer Watson (the company says it's named for IBM founder Thomas J. Watson) gets a lot of attention in the news for appearing as a contestant on the TV show Jeopardy, Dr. Wa...

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Funny story: Shylock Humes And The Case Of The Purloined Budgerigar, Part Three

Shylock Humes And The Case Of The Purloined Budgerigar, Part Three

"Inspector Livingstone-Stanley I presume!" I ejaculated (where was Mrs Dudson with her cloth when you needed it). The Inspector winced, as he always did when I made this joke (the David Livingstone joke, not the ejaculation joke - the latter is just between me and you). Inspector Stanley Livingstone-Stanley was all for bursting into the parlour to see Shylock Humes, but I was able to foresta...

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