Silly rabbit! If you hadn't been in the alley behind the supermarket sneaking a box of Trix (they're for kids!), you might not have been murdered by a cereal killer!
The crime, the third this month, was the first to take place in an open area out...
One time naturalist and animal lover Doctor John 'Fishy' Dolittle has been arrested and charged with the murder and mutilation of over 16 people over the past 6 years.
The doctor, who had a brief spell of fame with his 'talking to the animals' tri...
The gang gather in the dilapidated house.
Dastardly Deano is nowhere to be seen.
Outside the storm rumbles on. Lightning streaks the sky, thunder rumbles, the wind howls, and the rain floods down in torrents.
"Where'd he go?" Buck shouts.
"Fucker disappeared innit," Nick says.
Then something strange happens. There's a chattering sound, and the pitter patter of feet on bare floorboar...
"Hold it right there!" the skinny guy in the bad suit shouts.
He's stood behind a goggle eyed woman, one hand clamped over her mouth, the other holding a knife to her throat.
"You take one step...just one step and she's history. I mean it."
The woman squeals.
Buck, Abel Zorro and Nick exchange furtive glances.
Abel Zorro steps forward, AK in one hand, sabre in the other. His eyes na...
Our friends tread carefully into the dilapidated house.
It's a dump, but at least they can hear the raging storm outside, so they understand that they are rapidly approaching freedom...
When a voice cuts them all to the quick.
As opposed to cutting them to the slow.
Which would be taking dramatic license too far.
All they could hear prior to this interruption was the sound of their...
Angie is feeling deflated because she never got the chance to sing her karaoke version of Gloria Gaynor's feminist anthem, 'I Will Survive.'
Her nipples haven't given up the ghost just yet though. They're as upstanding as a pair of Chrysler wheel nuts.
Boyfriend Todd isn't much consolation either. Not since Angie learned that her mother gave him a blow job.
She's really pissed off.
Omaha, Nebraska - A serial do-gooder has been hunting the students and faculty of Creighton University, and for some time been taunting the police, it was admitted today.
In a hastily called press conference, Chief Andrew Wiles confirmed what the...
Volusia County, Florida - Dr. Sam Beckett, head of the Quantum Leap Project, and now distressed time traveller, finally leaped into the wrong person.
For years he has leapt into people throughout his own personal lifespan, "setting right what onc...
Trenton, New Jersey - Howard Unruh, who killed 13 people in 1949 in what is believed to be America's first mass murder spree since we had Native Americans to slaughter, is dead at 88 years of age.
Our government mourns.
When Howard was but 28,...
BALTIMORE, Maryland - Dr. Hannibal Lecter, noted forensic psychologist and epicurean cannibal, has stepped forward to suggest a new detention plan for the Gitmo detainees that some say "tests the bounds" of the American legal system. President Obama...
Todd, and the rest of the gang, led by Abel Zorro, having passed through the trapdoor, slosh along through the sewers in search of Buck, Nick, and Lola of the luscious lips.
Fran is sticking mighty close to Abel Zorro, who in turn is marching into the darkness with the sound of dripping water assaulting his eardrums. Abel Zorro has a sense of purpose. All he wants to do is find Buck and Nick an...
West 'By God' Virginia: The citizens of Hawkhole Hollow, WV can now rest a bit easier now that the serial killer- known as the Murderous Monsignor- has been captured and is safely behind bars.
Frankie Thej, 63 (but insists he's 35) has been charge...
Johnny Boy has been decapitated by an unseen hand.
Lola of the luscious lips has disappeared in mysterious circumstances.
Buck and Nick were swallowed up by a trapdoor, and although we know they're okay, the others don't.
The others have found themselves in a charnel house, a house of horrors so loathesome it makes the house in 'Texas Hacksaw Massacre' look like the average person's Gran'...
We last saw Buck and Nick surviving a vicious inbred mutant hoodie zombie attack in the bowels of the earth. In a sewer. Which they were unwittingly swallowed up by.
Thanks to a fusillade of hot lead from Buck's Colt 45 Navy Special and Nick's .357 Magnum.
As they wade through the ankle deep sewage, with rats scampering all around, Nick taps Buck on the shoulder with some urgency.
Johnny Boy is dead.
He has been decapitated for no apparent reason.
By some mysterious hand.
His head lies some three feet away from his body.
His blood seeps into the floorboards.
"We have a problem here people," Abel Zorro Rodriguez says through gritted teeth. "It looks like Johnny Boy has bit the bullet. In short, he's a bit dead."
"And we have serious continuity problems here...
As the rain hammers down on the lifeless body of the San Francisco Onion, an anomaly occurs. As the water pounds his remaining hair, plastering it to his cold, dark, dead skull he appears to stir slightly.
Or is it just the howling wind?
As we focus on his lifeless face, with skin as green as any of his Utopian philosophical takes on life, suddenly, and scaring the absolute crap out of every...
"Those Tacos were delicious, Mr the J-Man," Nick says.
"Look and learn," the J-Man says. He leaves the room and comes back hefting a huge suitcase.
"My, that's a big one," Lola says, borrowing a line from a Dirty Harry movie.
"Yes, I know that," the J-Man says. "But let's just concentrate on the suitcase. For now..."
His gaze wanders to Fran's damp cleavage, and then to Angie's damp cl...
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