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Funny satire stories about Safety

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Funny story: Crossing the road for physicists

Crossing the road for physicists

The major cause for the loss of life among young physicists is road traffic accidents. Who knows how far humanity would have advanced if there had been a lollipop lady outside the Massachusetts Institute of Technology? However, with the aid of a few simple rules, a young bold physicist can become a middle-aged physicist by taking heed. All physicists are aware of the Heisenberg Uncertainty prin...

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Funny story: Action Urged Over Propelling Pencil Safety

Action Urged Over Propelling Pencil Safety

Government and health officials are being urged to take action over safety issues relating to propelling pencils. The call comes after a weekend when a local man "narrowly escaped death" while trying to replace the lead in his Yard-O-Led pencil.

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Funny story: Airbags Adding Safety to New Nuke Plants

Airbags Adding Safety to New Nuke Plants

Augusta, Georgia -- An electric utility here is building the first new nuclear generating plants to be constructed in the US since 1978. Its safety secret: the use of giant, automotive type airbags to cushion and protect the facility from the destruc...

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Funny story: Mercedes to produce the world's safest car

Mercedes to produce the world's safest car

Mercedes are already well known for their extensive feature list and super safe cars. Now, they have gone a stage further and produced what they claim is the safest car in the world. Although only currently in concept stage, they may have a point.

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Funny story: Youngsters Across EU 'Fall Down, Go Boom.' Governments Outlaw Fun, for Kids' Own Good...

Youngsters Across EU 'Fall Down, Go Boom.' Governments Outlaw Fun, for Kids' Own Good...

Something of a kerfuffle has erupted across Europe recently after little Alfie B. Chapman took a tumble during an overly competitive game of 'tag' in the back yard of friend and neighbor Deirdre E. Findlay. It seems that during a rather enthusiast...

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Funny story: World Surplus of Bubble Wrap to be Used to Make Cars Safer

World Surplus of Bubble Wrap to be Used to Make Cars Safer

In a bold move, BMW and Volkswagen are set to start to work through the world's surplus bubble wrap mountain to coat the inside of their next generation cars. "It makes sense to us," said Brian McWilliams of Volkswagen. "We get paid to take this e...

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Funny story: In An Effort To Cut Down On Injuries, The NFL Is Considering Doing Away With The "Kickoff"

In An Effort To Cut Down On Injuries, The NFL Is Considering Doing Away With The "Kickoff"

CHICAGO - The National Football League's Safety Governing Council is currently meeting to discuss ways in which to make the game of professional football safer. In the past groundbreaking new rules and regulations have included innovations such as...

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Funny story: Woman Chops Off Finger to Avoid Workplace Safety Meeting

Woman Chops Off Finger to Avoid Workplace Safety Meeting

SAN FRANCISCO, California - A cafeteria employee cut off one of her own fingers with a butcher's knife in an "act of desperation" after a co-worker reminded her that 99 days had elapsed since someone had been injured in a workplace accident. "Ever...

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Funny story: Flintstone Pedal Car Tops All Mileage and Safety Lists

Flintstone Pedal Car Tops All Mileage and Safety Lists

Apparently the fabled cartoon family had it right all along, basing their primary mode of transportation on foot power and renewable materials. With zero emissions, unless you count an occasional anal blast from the driver, the stone wheeled wooden...

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Funny story: New government campaign targets spontaneous human combustion

New government campaign targets spontaneous human combustion

Costing 3 billion pounds, the new hard-hitting government safety campaign, aimed at cutting fatalities from spontaneous human combustion, will show a man whistling nonchalantly like some kind of idiot while smoke rises all around him. Featuring th...

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Funny story: New life saving equipment soon to be mandatory for all Cruise Ships

New life saving equipment soon to be mandatory for all Cruise Ships

Cruise Liner Queen of the Nile - is docked in the deep waters of the Pacific by a remote anchor made possible by a company hoping to help cruise liners who are plagued by people jumping or being pushed overboard when the cruise liners reaches deep w...

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Funny story: Gun Expert Forgets To Leave Safety On, On First Date

Gun Expert Forgets To Leave Safety On, On First Date

Kenny Marsh, a Huntsville, Alabama ex-police officer and security expert, was showing off his gun collection on his first date with a present Huntsville police officer, Janice Harper. Upon showing Janice a 9mm pistol that had belonged to his fathe...

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Funny story: Sick Lollipop Man Responsible for the Deaths of Five Children

Sick Lollipop Man Responsible for the Deaths of Five Children

A concerned father from Devon was getting a bit worried about all three of his children getting put in to detention for being late for classes three days in a row. They said; "But daddy! It's not our fault we are late for lessons, it's the traf...

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Funny story: Bike: Think!

Bike: Think!

Optical Illusions are amusing. They make us laugh, especially ones like the mirrors at Funfairs that make your skinny wife look fat and your munter missus look like a rake. But what about the optical illusions that kill at least, if not fewer, 275 motorcyclists a day on Britains roads. You know the ones, the optical illusion that makes you think that the speed limit sign says 30mph so the...

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Funny story: Saftey swords now legal apparel in public and private

Saftey swords now legal apparel in public and private

LONDON England - The Queen today was reading some old history books, per her statement below, and made a major announcement affecting British society everywhere. Follows her statement, made this morning at her secret underground palace, in the under...

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Funny story: Disease Control Warns: Swine Flu May Actually Enjoy Alcohol Based Hand-Sanitizers

Disease Control Warns: Swine Flu May Actually Enjoy Alcohol Based Hand-Sanitizers

In a press release Thursday, a disease control representative warned that alcohol based hand sanitizers are not effective against swine flu, and may in fact be promoting its spread. "The data is still coming in, but preliminary reports point to an...

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Funny story: Italian Mafia boss praises the 'Cosa Nostra' for saving lives in L'Aquila quake

Italian Mafia boss praises the 'Cosa Nostra' for saving lives in L'Aquila quake

The head of Italy's Mafia families - the Capo di Tutti Frutti, Doggio Constructione - today praised the Mafia for saving lives in L'Aquila's earthquake. 'If it hadn't been for us', Don Constructione said, 'the death toll would have been ten times wor...

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