Senator Rand Paul is pledging to block the CIA Director nominee John Brennan's passage through the Senate "Out" door. He says that he intends to roll his big balls in front of it to seal it closed, a statement from his Senate office reports. The door...
Everyone knows that I'm an extreme conservative. I'm the type of Conservative who has God sanctioned missionary style sex with my wife while thinking about Ronald Reagan. Today's hero of Freedom is Kentucky Senator Rand Paul. Rand is the son o...
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (ABSNN Sports) - The World Boxing Council has the entire sporting world agog at the news that Caesar's Palace will host the very first WBC Championship fight between two unknown, and as yet, unnamed twins in their mother's womb! Th...
NEW YORK CITY (ABSNN) - Fox News' Sean Hannity is the self-confessed, "Most Undeniably Heterosexual Man on TV." CNN's Anderson Cooper is a self-confessed gay man on TV. One would think there could never be any sort of link up between the two men, i...
FOX NEWS NATION - Republican pin up girl, Ann Coulter, flashed her breastesesses (ahem) on the Fox News Sunday program. The panel of six well known conservative pundits were talking about Obama's embassy staff's cowardly apologies to the A-rab terr...
BLUEGRASS, KY (ABSNN)-Editor's Note: It would appear that our journalist, Francois Dubois, S.J. has "gone native" in this piece and true objectivity is totally off his table. He actually told me that, for one brief moment, he was in total shock to...
DALLAS, TX (ABSNN)-Ron Paul, Texas Congressman and Republican Presidential also-ran, burst into flames this morning while awaiting an interview with Today's Matt Lauer. His body was completely consumed while sitting in a make-up chair prior to the 9...
PAULVILLE KY (ABSNN) -- Senator Rand Paul (R) from Kentucky, reported today that he had been abducted by the same alien responsible for last week's impregnation of twenty-six South Carolinia high school girls. "It was really an exciting evening,"...
LOUISVILLE, Kentucky - Senator-elect Rand Paul (R-KY) has presented documents showing that in recent years Medicare has purchased enormous amounts of nuclear and radioactive material from other nations. "I had always suspected that Medicare inte...
Republican nominee Rand Paul finally apologized to the protestor seen in a UTube video with a Rand supporter stepping on a woman's head and pinning her to the ground. The apology came after the video became viral and Paul was forced to make a state...
Peter Paul, son of Ron Paul and little brother to Rand Paul who is running for the Senate in Kentucky next month, has even managed to startle his own family a bit. "Yeah, that kid", stated Ron Paul, shaking his head. "He's a lot more liberal than...
Just hours after the story broke in GQ magazine about the woman claiming to have been kidnapped and made to smoke pot from a bong by Rand Paul, another bombshell has hit the newsstands-Rand Paul may be the person behind the pop culture saying "Bo...
Ron Paul and Rand Paul, the father/son Libertarians who are doing everything they can to take this county in a totally different direction, are having a hard time convincing people of their sincerity with performers like RuPaul still on the scene. Th...
Richmond, VA - The Virginia Governor has introduced a measure to the Virginia House of Representatives that formally invites the state of Kentucky to be Virginia's sister state. Normally, a state will invite a foreign state (as in outside of the...
HARDIN KY (ABSNN) -- Bill Pilant, Grand Wizard Deluxe of the Hardin White Supremist Foreskinheads, LLC, led a group of sixty like-minded dickheads in a march to protest public Lesbian nude ballet which they termed "just a bunch of really ugly, fat ch...
Hot off his victory in the Kentucky republican primary Libertarian canididate Rand Paul, son of Congressman Ron Paul from Texas, strove today to position himself as a man of the people. "I strive today to position myself as a man of the people," he s...
Rand Paul, candidate for the US Senate in Kentucky, has reportedly stated in a closed meeting of his supporters that "The only good Injun is a dead Injun." Of the one hundred constituents at the meeting, many were wearing coonskin caps and carrying l...
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