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Pope Insists Priests Refrain from Cunnilingus

Funny story: Pope Insists Priests Refrain from Cunnilingus

The Pope sent an IM to his top American Priests today telling them to desist immeddiately from any sex that would put them at risk from HPV Virus He said: "in recent years scientists have documented a steep rise in throat cancers caused by a strai...

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Nancy Pelosi Slams Barbaric Vatican Regime

It seems not everybody is charmed by Pope Francis. Indeed, one prominent US politician, Nancy Pelosi, is planning very stern measures to punish what she considers to be the right wing, unaccountable, and generally depraved policies and order of gover...

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Pope sells Lent to the Scamatologists for $69 billion

Funny story: Pope sells Lent to the Scamatologists for $69 billion

The Vatican -- The Roman Catholic Church has given up Lent. In an unprecedented financial maneuver, Pope Francis has turned over the 40 day, 40 night period of atonement to the Church of Scamatology. The sale price was $69 billion. That buys the...

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Pope professes his fondness for Kanye West, declares all other music "obsolete"

Funny story: Pope professes his fondness for Kanye West, declares all other music "obsolete"

Vatican City- In what is sure to be earth shattering news, earlier today Pope Francis declared his love of Kanye West, calling him "the greatest musical mind of the last 100 years". His holiness commented: "If our Lord and Savior were here with u...

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Vatican Council to Decide if God Has a Penis and Testacles

Funny story: Vatican Council to Decide if God Has a Penis and Testacles

The Vatican well known for it's lofty metaphysical discussions about the meaning of life like whether children will go to hell for masturbating and if women's orgasm are sinful and important philosophical quandaries like that - has now turned to deep...

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Pope offers new guidelines for flock's bedroom behavior

Funny story: Pope offers new guidelines for flock's bedroom behavior

Once again, Pope Francis is trying to manage the intimate details of the lives of his flock. Previously, in a mixed metaphor, the pontiff raised eyebrows by suggesting that the faithful, who are made in God's image, are "not rabbits" and should no...

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Confessions to Gay Priests Don't Count says Pope Francis

Funny story: Confessions to Gay Priests Don't Count says Pope Francis

In an amazing revelation from His Eminence in the Vatican today; The Pope asserted during an interview with the Catholic Times Magazine, that Catholics who gave their confessions to Homo Priests would not be absolved from their sins -- he stated; "Priests who have been found outa to be queers have no standing with Goda, and any absolutions whicha they gave --are null and voida!" Catholic Ti...

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Pope building showers and Brazilian waxing spa for 'homeless' altar boys

Funny story: Pope building showers and Brazilian waxing spa for 'homeless' altar boys

Rome - Some pre-War pubic restrooms in the Catacombs have been given a makeover by the Pope with the installation of three showers, a barber's and a dumb waiter for homeless altar boys in need of a scrub. Clients, some as old as fourteen or fifte...

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Religion Drives Man Crazy

Funny story: Religion Drives Man Crazy

On the evidence of the witness who inhabited the flat beneath the defendant's the judge had no hesitation but to refer the defendant for psychiatric evaluation. The charges of malicious damage to property and disturbing the peace were dropped on compassionate grounds. The judge had reached the decision after questioning the witness thoroughly and allowing his tape recording of the events leadi...

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Dead Argie Prosecutor 'Had Daft Warrant For President' - Sure Sign Pope To Blame

Funny story: Dead Argie Prosecutor 'Had Daft Warrant For President' - Sure Sign Pope To Blame

Buenos Aires - Pope Frankie-the-Argie is in the dog house tonight following Revelations** that a senior Buenos Aires prosecutor has dropped dead because of a 'daft' warrant. His Holiness' psychotic daughter Kristina Fernandez de Kirchner is also i...

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Pope hopes to clean up

Funny story: Pope hopes to clean up

To show the compassion of the church, Pope Frances ordered Vatican barbers to offer homeless men and women a shave and a haircut for "two bits" (twenty-five cents). The proceeds, the pontiff said, will be added to the church's "coffers," except in th...

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Pope Francis's Guide to Happiness

Funny story: Pope Francis's Guide to Happiness

1. "LIVE AND LET LIVE." "The Pope refers to not judging others and letting them continue with their lives in a way that best suits them." Really? Would the Church even exist if it had followed this? Remember the Crusades, the so-called Holy Wars, the pact with Hitler? The forcible conversion of natives? The indoctrination of the faithful through the Catholic school system? The exploit...

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Pope issues weather report: "It's hotter than hell!"

Funny story: Pope issues weather report: "It's hotter than hell!"

VATICAN CITY -- While admitting that he's "no scientist," Pope Francis is preparing to issue a papal encyclical (not to be confused with a Popsicle or an icicle) concerning global warming "and other celestial matters." An encyclical is a lesson of...

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Tony Blair Calls for the Restoration of Pope Benedict XVI -- Announces International "Bring Back Benny" Campaign

Funny story: Tony Blair Calls for the Restoration of Pope Benedict XVI -- Announces International "Bring Back Benny" Campaign

London-Former British Prime Minister and converted Catholic Tony Blair called upon the Vatican today to immediately remove "dangerously subversive" Pope Francis I, and reinstate his "politically more realistic" predecessor, Pope Benedict XVI.

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Satan's New Year Address

Funny story: Satan's New Year Address

Last night, Satan's New Year Address 2015, held as usual in rooms beneath the House of Commons England was hugely attended. Present were all the Grand Masters of the leading Masonic Lodges worldwide, Pope Francis, the Royal Family of England, leading...

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GOP Issues Fatwa Against Pope Francis

Funny story: GOP Issues Fatwa Against Pope Francis

WASHINGTON, DC--The Republican Party has declared a Fatwa, or legal decree, against Pope Francis for his anti-capitalist statements over the last year and a half. The Fatwa came only days after the most recent attack on the controversial Pope, when S...

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Pope Francis Welcomes Stephen Colbert Back into the Church - 'On Fast Track to Immediate Sainthood,' Says Papal Office

Vatican City-Pope Francis announced today that he would personally receive lapsed Roman Catholic Stephen Colbert back into the Church this Christmas. A special ceremony will be held during midnight mass in St Peter's Cathedral on Christmas Eve. "W...

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Jesus - I Don't Want Any More Sunbeams

Funny story: Jesus - I Don't Want Any More Sunbeams

Jesus has appealed to people not to try to be sunbeams, as he is snowed under with them. "He told our religious affairs journalist, "I don't know who wrote that fucking 'Jesus wants me for a sunbeam' song but since the financial crashes I've a millio...

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Breaking news…

Trump Thinks Deaths at End of Avengers Infinity Wars Were Real

He sends the Secret Service to the movie set of Avengers 4 to do some investigating.
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