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Funny story: President Obama Says That Approval Numbers Are Nothing But Numbers

President Obama Says That Approval Numbers Are Nothing But Numbers

WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama has stated on several occasions that he has the hardest job in the world. He said that it is harder than being an Oregon Lumberjack, a Massachusetts grape stomper, and even a West Virginia coal miner. He poin...

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Funny story: Lady Gaga Named The Most Creative Performer In The USA

Lady Gaga Named The Most Creative Performer In The USA

CHICAGO - Lady Gaga, the singer with the repetitive syllable, has just been named The Most Creative Performer in The USA according to an extensive poll conducted by Chicago's Windy City Community College. A spokesperson for WCCC Walcott Dungaree n...

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Funny story: Justin Bieber Named America's Most Confused Celebrity

Justin Bieber Named America's Most Confused Celebrity

KALAMAZOO, Michigan - The highly reputable Giddy Up Public Opinion Poll Company which is headquartered in Kalamazoo, Michigan, has just named its 2013 Most Confused Celebrity. And this year's winner is Justin Bieber, who barely beat out Lindsay Lo...

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Funny story: National Poll Says Kobe Bryant Needs To Stop Acting Like He's The Lakers Coach

National Poll Says Kobe Bryant Needs To Stop Acting Like He's The Lakers Coach

CHICAGO - A recent poll that was conducted by The National Sports Poll Coalition of America has just revealed an interesting fact about Los Angeles Laker basketball player Kobe Bean Bryant. Ronni Ruckerheimer, 27, a representative with the poll gi...

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Funny story: Three quarters of Britons are happy

Three quarters of Britons are happy

In a recent survey, it was discovered that seventy-five percent of Britons are happy. However, a second survey conducted by a different survey company discovered that they could find nobody who'd been asked by the previous survey whether they were ha...

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Funny story: Gallup poll: 63 % of likely voters feel sorry for Romney. Seismic vote shift among liberals!

Gallup poll: 63 % of likely voters feel sorry for Romney. Seismic vote shift among liberals!

A new Gallup poll published this morning indicates that Mitt Romney has surged in the polls particularly among liberals who now favor him by a margin of 83% to 15% for Obama. "It's a sympathy vote," states the poll. "Liberals are always for the under...

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Funny story: Poll reveals 63% of nation's douchebags offended by the term "douchebag"

Poll reveals 63% of nation's douchebags offended by the term "douchebag"

According to a CNN/USA Today poll, 63 percent of surveyed douchebags hold a negative connotation to the term "douchebag". "I find that the term is outdated, and needs a change as it no longer captures the essence of what makes our people unique" says...

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Funny story: Donegal Drivers Most Helpful

Donegal Drivers Most Helpful

Drivers In Donegal are Ireland's most chivalrous according to an experiment conducted last week. AA Rescue recently published results of a survey showing that Donegal drivers were most likely to come to the aid of a driver in distress at the roads...

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Funny story: Responses to Cameron Popularity Poll in Nottingham

Responses to Cameron Popularity Poll in Nottingham

We asked the Nottingham firm of Tymoshchuck, Kuzmanovic, & Mulumbu, Real-Time-Poll-Assessors, if they would do a poll in Nottingham, to find out just what the people think of David Cameron. The branch manager, Branislav Pavlyuchenko, agreed, as long as his polster's could carry out the canvassing in disguise. we agreed. We said we would like the question asked: 'What do you think of Cam...

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Funny story: Street Poll results of citizens views of the economy in Nottingham

Street Poll results of citizens views of the economy in Nottingham

Pollsters were out in the streets of Nottingham yesterday. The were asking for people for their name, occupation, views on the economy of the UK, and who they intended to vote for in the next election. These figures and facts will be used in formulating a table of Nottingham's populace statistics and traits. Robin Umblind (41) Lawyer - for the Pain & Fears legal company "The basic pre...

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Funny story: CBS Poll suggests 67% of Voters believe Ron Paul is a Founding Father

CBS Poll suggests 67% of Voters believe Ron Paul is a Founding Father

NEW YORK CITY - A recent CBS poll found that more than two-thirds of Americans believe that Ron Paul is a founding father. Ironically, that is what Ron Paul has been trying to tell the people since the beginning. Each time Ron Paul talks about el...

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Funny story: Worrying Results for MPs in Recent Opinion Poll

Worrying Results for MPs in Recent Opinion Poll

A worrying fact has come to the attention of the Gazettes editorial team. Results analysed in a recent street poll, conducted by Alcoholics Anonymous, has revealed the following figures. To the question: "Who do you think should be leader of the Labour Party for the next general election?" 60% did not know the name of the current Labour leader. To the question: "What would you like for...

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Funny story: Survey Proves Surveys Prove Nothing

Survey Proves Surveys Prove Nothing

A new poll has thrown doubt on the results of thousands of surveys which claim to reflect the moods and tastes of the nation. This latest survey, carried out by PollsRUs for EIF News & Features, questioned several local people and came up with...

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Funny story: "The Perfect Gentleman" Survey

"The Perfect Gentleman" Survey

A survey was recently conducted throughout colleges in Europe and America to find out the world's PERFECT GENTLEMAN past and present. Females of all ages, mostly in the 18-30 group were asked to read biographical material on a list of twenty subjects. Physical descriptions were kept to a minimum to hide the subjects' identities. Candidates were asked to mark in terms of (1) looks (2) sex appe...

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Funny story: Saturday Kitchen? Masterchef? We're Food Dumbies.

Saturday Kitchen? Masterchef? We're Food Dumbies.

We may love our Saturday Kitchen and Masterchef but we're a complete bunch of thickies in the UK when it comes to food knowledge. According to a survey, 17 per cent of meat eaters believe that pork wings are a real cut of meat. Almost a quarter o...

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Funny story: Brits Still Baffled By Big Society

Brits Still Baffled By Big Society

PM David Cameron still has a long way to go to sell his Big Society to the nation, a poll by The Daily Arse has revealed. The shocking stats will leave Cameron reeling as he tries to transform the lame duck UK into a pedigree racing pigeon. Some, in fact all, the results of the Daily Rottweiller poll results were: How Well Do You Understand The Big Society? Fuck Off 5% Is It Like Big Br...

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Funny story: New Poll Confirms Almost Everybody Hates Their Job

New Poll Confirms Almost Everybody Hates Their Job

A new poll confirms one of those things everybody knows but nobody talks about: call it a job, a career or a mission, most people hate it at worst and tolerate it at best. When asked, 99.714% of people agreed they if their job was a person they'...

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