DENVER – (Satire News) - The Colorado State Cannabis Coalition has just announced that marijuana sales have gone up 4,000% in the last three months. CSCC Director Lucy “Sinsemilla” Coxcoogan was asked by TMZ to explain the unprecedented increase.
Coming from a flat-as-a-pancake nation can have strange effects on Dutch people getting things to rise above sea-level! One Dutch woman, Yolanda Pannekoeken, who continually, desperately attempts to get her pizza dough to rise, has turned to radic…
BALTIMORE – The all-girl band known as the Dixie Chicks were in Baltimore visiting the Baltimore Orioles Baseball Museum and having Pelican Pizza, which the girls fell in love with several years ago. While in town, they were asked by a reporter fo...
Desperate to boost its credibility and popular appeal, the Food and Drug Administration is reportedly considering changing its name to the "Pizza and Drugs Administration". "The 'Pizza' wouldn't be referring to just pizza, of course," emphasized F...
"Pizza can be a foundational part of a healthy diet, and adding just a little more tomato sauce can help Americans inch that much closer to their five recommended daily servings of vegetables," said Food and Drug Administration Commissioner Brett Gir...
A half-dozen Taylor Knott-Swift fans slept on the street awaiting their chance to see their idol. They hadn't eaten in days and needed a bath. Since Taylor was “singing” in New York City, rather than in San Francisco, Los Angeles, or San Diego, her d...
A new food guide for better health has come out recently, replacing the old pyramid-shaped one which suggested X-number of dairy, fruit, vegetables, meat and poultry. Sensing that the people of planet Earth are getting round and doughy, the new gu...
Unlike some who make small talk about the weather, office life, and lunch while thinking of greater things, Trey Hill of Charleston, South Carolina, actually walks the small talk, in that his life is truly and entirely composed of only banal and tri...
In a stunning revelation, the president confessed today to mailing pizzas with horrible toppings to people on his Worst Enemies List. "I did the whole pineapple and ham thing on most of them." He giggled, "But I saved the worst for last. I sent...
The basic diet of billions of Chinese is being swept from under their bare feet by an 'Italian tsunami' causing a 'Domino' effect on the nutritional foundations of the most populated country on the planet! Chinese pot noodles, eaten by the rich, t...
Washington D.C. - Comet Pizza regular, Edray Uttbay, called our pervert hotline in our newsroom to report yet another sordid case of inappropriate touching. The perpetrator? Al Franken. The victim? Al Franken. Comet Pizza regular, Edray Uttbay,...
A global pizza fast food joints are becoming popular for gaga pairs hoping for a quickie over the counter while they wait for their hot, spicy, crispy treat with all kinds of melted cheesy toppings! The smell of the pizzas, especially those laced...
First they were friends on the football field, then they were friends in the fight against autism, and now they're friends in their fight to beat each other at mini-golf. Former star quarterbacks Doug Flutie and Dan Marino have been best buds for...
Local metal band "Hardly What The Name Indicates" now struggling with identity crisis after being told by fans they were "too predictable," and "not br00tal enough". The band is known for generic blast beats, highly technical arrangements, and impos...
BOWLING GREEN, KY- After years of unhealthy eating and a sedentary lifestyle, Alex Witzgall, 26, told himself he would go to the gym. Tomorrow. "Yeah, well, I'd go this evening after work, but I have to watch the Pats game," he thought to himself...
Staff and diners were left disgusted when a man eating at a restaurant blatantly refused to use his knife and fork and ate with his fingers. The 52-year-old was eating a margherita pizza at Zizzi's restaurant in Didsbury, Manchester at 1pm today.
The cyber watchdog group Anonymous just issued a statement claiming responsibility for the latest internet attack that has journalists, bloggers, texting addicts and people searching for cat videos all over the world shaking their fists in frustratio...
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