Paul Gascoigne, ex footballer, now turned 'freelance negotiator' caught a Taxi to Manchester last night, apparently at great cost, offering to help Wayne Rooney and Coleen Rooney with their current marriage problems. Following his recent 'appearan...
The world of international diplomacy was today shaken to it's core by the announcement of the new Middle East peace envoy. Mr Paul "Gazza" Gascoigne, 43 spoke of his vision of Jew reaching out to Arab to usher in an age of enlightenment to the...
Tyne/Wear - (Rehab Mess): A Libyan ship carrying aid for the tormented former England footballer has docked in Newcastle. The emergency response vessel has been sent by Colonel Gaddafi after he heard how brave Gazza tried to offer succour (sic) to...
In breaking news from UN Headquarters in New York; North-East piss artist and over-rated has been footballer Paul Gascoigne has been appointed Secretary General of the United Nations with immediate effect. Gazza, ebullient from his first foray int...
Police have revealed that as the search for Raoul Moat has entered it's 6th day, the nearby search for Paul Gascoigne is entering it's second week. "We need to speak to Mr Gascoigne urgently about the disappearance of a distillery in Blyth and the...
Troubled ex-footballer and fucking waste of space, Paul 'Gazza' Gascoigne will later tonight put down humanely at the request of society as a whole. An online survey confirmed that most UK citizen with a reasonable IQ believed he was: * A d...
Former England football star Paul Gascoigne was this morning arrested for being drunk and disorderly. He was found wandering the streets of Newcastle naked by police officers, who had been tipped off about 'a drunk naked man' who had been annoyin...
Friends, family and fans were saddened to hear that football legend Paul 'Gazza' Gascoigne would be giving the oration at the funeral of legendary manager Bobby Robson who passed away today. Gascoigne was a close friend of Robson's - nobody co...
In another shock transfer move, Alex Ferguson has bought Paul Gascoigne for 20p. The former England international hasn't even seen a football in years, let alone kick one, but Ferguson is convinced that Gazza still has some of that old magic still l...
No. He wasn't drunk or crackers when he made this strange announcement,at least not at the start. Today. Paul Gascoigne appeared on the morning programme 'Pass My Breakfast Over' and shockingly revealed he was visited by Three Spirits and an Angel...
After just 3 weeks of dating, Paul Gascoigne and his glamour model girlfriend have married in a private ceremony. The wedding took place in a low key ceremony on a beach in South Shields, the town where his bride comes from. The wedding was overse...
Former football legend and renowned boozehound Paul Gascoigne has revealed that he is now an undead zombie walking the land, following repeated deaths while in rehab for his alcohol problems. The troubled star, who scored hundreds more pints than...
In a surprise move council chiefs announced today that Worcester was to be twinned with Gazza. Worcester is well known for its cathedral, the river and county cricket's most scenic (and flooded) ground. Gazza is well known for drinking, wife be...
Paul 'Gazza' Gascoigne is heading for the Middle East to finish off his career. Gaza City FC manager, Abdul Al Newcastali made the announcement today from under the terraces of the city stadium, where he was sheltering from incoming tank fire. "At...
International diplomacy suffered a severe setback yesterday when it was revealed that Paul 'Gazza' Gascoigne was forced to strip naked by Britney Spears, at a peace conference to end the Israel/Hammas conflict. Ms Spears was apparently attending t...
Palastinian residents of the Gaza Strip have told UN officials that, as well as the constant aerial bombardment from Israel that they are having to put up with, they are also "very concerned" about being linked with ex-Newcastle United and England fo...
Upton Park - (Offside Mess): George W Bush has waded into the quagmire of British football tragedy and blamed West Ham FC player abstinence policies for Paul Gascoigne's plight. The 41 year old 57 times England-capped midfielder was notoriously re...
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