There was panic in the Malaysian capital of Kuala Lumpur last night when it was revealed that the country's newly-elected leader, the 92-year-old Dr. Mahathir Mohamad, had a cold. Dr. Mohamad is the oldest Prime Minister in the world, after his p...
Washington, D.C. - The spat between President Trump and former Vice President Joe Biden has dominated news cycles in recent days. However, the threats of physical violence they made against each other pale in comparison to what may go down as the mos...
London - "In addition to destroying insects such as moths and silverfish," the Lord Chamberlain Lord Luce-Cannon explained, "royal mothballs make useful stovepipe cleaners and snake repellants." The remarks come amid reports that Britain's Queen...
Paddy O'Flynn had had enough it seems. He had decided to apply to his local housing authority for help with his rent having vacated his old house and moved into a rented apartment in Clapham Common, South London. That is where his troubles began. His wife Caitlin takes up the story. "They sent him a form to fill in. It was thick as the London Times. For three months he tried to figure it o...
Last night, Jimmy Fallon made a joke that totally bombed. He was booed, during his monologue, when Fallon talked about the possible gender of Chelsea Clinton's baby. "If it's a girl, it will get some of Chelsea's old hand-me-downs. And if it's a...
My grandfather was over spending the weekend at my college as I had an extra room and the rest of the family told me it was my time. Gramps is not a bad old guy, just a little senile but mostly lonesome as all his old friends are dead. "Grandpa, there's a 'Weekend At Bernies' marathon on this weekend. I need to go out and do some stuff, I'll get it started for you. If you get tired, turn it...
Two of the Pussy Riot Russian punk band were hilarious on the Stephen Colbert show 2 nights ago. They poked fun at virtual dictator, Valdimir Putin and made his athletic exploits, which display his aging body, look absurd. The Pussy Riot members wer...
Justin Bieber told reporters yesterday that he knew he was going to be kidded a lot but that was OK. "Like most kids I had this childhood friend that only I could see and his name was Tidy Little!" This brought a hearty laugh from the crowd but...
Washington: Several older gentlemen have registered their own political party today that will compete with the Democrats and Republicans in 2016! "We're sick and tired of being sick and tired of being sick and (Slap on the back) being blamed for a...
This morning's announcement from the Vatican that 85 year old Pope Benedict XV1 is to stand down as leader of the Catholic church due to advancing years seems almost certain to mean the choice of a much younger replacement. Pope Benedict XV1's dec...
Wayne LaPierre, head of the NRA, held a press conference this morning to make a major announcement. His Face flushed and obviously excited, he gripped a sheaf of papers and took the podium. He began: "Guns don't kill people! Old age kills people...
Emily Harrison, Britain's oldest woman has contacted police, afraid for her life. "She believes that Maggie Davies of Kings Close in Dorking is gunning for her, in order to take the title of oldest woman in Britain for herself," said Detective Ins...
Honey-Do Lists and Female Barbers I'm telling you all right now, and you can look it up here on my writer's profile: My turn-ons do not include crawling on my belly through damp, bushy, dark places with deep, wet holes.... OK, OK, I'll reconsider that. I do not like crawling under the goddamned house to change air conditioner filters. I'm retired; I make enough money to pay some out-a-wor...
MOSCOW (ABSNN) - Vladimir Putin may be getting along in years, but he "is still as studly as ever," he said in an interview with geriatric reporter, Martin Shuttlecock. "He's but a lad, a mere slip of a boy," Shuttlecock wrote. "Vital, I'm vita...
Britain's last remaining Mackeson well, located in Stepney, East London has finally run dry after 105 years of production. Mackeson, a sweet milk stout, is probably best known for the TV catchphrase: 'It looks good. It tastes good. And by golly it...
Police have asked the aged and generally over sixties to improve security on their homes after a spate of burglaries have targeted this vulnerable section of society. "Now that pharmacies have stupendous security," said Police Inspector Gadget, "d...
People who live in the country are living longer than urban dwellers - and have better sex lives, according to researchers who investigate rumours. The Wildlife Society believes that it's the greener life that delivers these benefits, but country...
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