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Funny satire stories about Old Age

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Funny story: Much Younger Man Expected To Be Chosen To Become Next Pope!

Much Younger Man Expected To Be Chosen To Become Next Pope!

This morning's announcement from the Vatican that 85 year old Pope Benedict XV1 is to stand down as leader of the Catholic church due to advancing years seems almost certain to mean the choice of a much younger replacement. Pope Benedict XV1's dec...

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Funny story: "Guns don't kill people! Old age kills people!"---Wayne LaPierre

"Guns don't kill people! Old age kills people!"---Wayne LaPierre

Wayne LaPierre, head of the NRA, held a press conference this morning to make a major announcement. His Face flushed and obviously excited, he gripped a sheaf of papers and took the podium. He began: "Guns don't kill people! Old age kills people...

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Funny story: Britain's Oldest Woman in fear of her life

Britain's Oldest Woman in fear of her life

Emily Harrison, Britain's oldest woman has contacted police, afraid for her life. "She believes that Maggie Davies of Kings Close in Dorking is gunning for her, in order to take the title of oldest woman in Britain for herself," said Detective Ins...

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Funny story: My life as a man #12

My life as a man #12

Honey-Do Lists and Female Barbers I'm telling you all right now, and you can look it up here on my writer's profile: My turn-ons do not include crawling on my belly through damp, bushy, dark places with deep, wet holes.... OK, OK, I'll reconsider that. I do not like crawling under the goddamned house to change air conditioner filters. I'm retired; I make enough money to pay some out-a-wor...

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Funny story: Russia's Putin still as "Studly" as ever at 60

Russia's Putin still as "Studly" as ever at 60

MOSCOW (ABSNN) - Vladimir Putin may be getting along in years, but he "is still as studly as ever," he said in an interview with geriatric reporter, Martin Shuttlecock. "He's but a lad, a mere slip of a boy," Shuttlecock wrote. "Vital, I'm vita...

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Funny story: UK's Last Mackeson Well Runs Dry

UK's Last Mackeson Well Runs Dry

Britain's last remaining Mackeson well, located in Stepney, East London has finally run dry after 105 years of production. Mackeson, a sweet milk stout, is probably best known for the TV catchphrase: 'It looks good. It tastes good. And by golly it...

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Funny story: Junkies target the over sixties

Junkies target the over sixties

Police have asked the aged and generally over sixties to improve security on their homes after a spate of burglaries have targeted this vulnerable section of society. "Now that pharmacies have stupendous security," said Police Inspector Gadget, "d...

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Funny story: Rural people live longer and love longer

Rural people live longer and love longer

People who live in the country are living longer than urban dwellers - and have better sex lives, according to researchers who investigate rumours. The Wildlife Society believes that it's the greener life that delivers these benefits, but country...

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Funny story: Advice, Support & Tips for those entering old age - from Bartholomew Utterwaithe

Advice, Support & Tips for those entering old age - from Bartholomew Utterwaithe

This article, was designed by Bartholomew Utterwaithe (66), to offer help, support, succour and advice to those of the population who are entering their 60's - in an effort to lessen the culture-shock suffered by many, when they also get made redundant at 62 years of age, then suffer heart failure. It is not intended as a solution for the those who are about to lose their concentration, bladder...

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Funny story: 62-Year-Old Bachelor Decides to Date Only Age-Appropriate Women in Their 30s

62-Year-Old Bachelor Decides to Date Only Age-Appropriate Women in Their 30s

After several failed relationships with women in their early to mid-twenties, 62-year-old* bachelor Nick Candlewood decided to date only age-appropriate women in their thirties. "There are some very smart, mature 25-year-olds out there," remarks N...

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Funny story: You're Older Than You've Ever Been

You're Older Than You've Ever Been

I'm feeling old lately. Not the kind of old Bill Cosby used to schlep about in his stand-up routine, lamenting the inevitable forgetfulness that comes with age, like the panic you feel when you've forgotten who you're calling before the intended party has answered the phone. It's more an ever-growing sense that there is a chasm that's widening between myself and the past. It first hit me while lis...

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Funny story: Doubling of old age care costs stirs shares in 'backhanded slaps' market

Doubling of old age care costs stirs shares in 'backhanded slaps' market

News that the families of millions of UK pensioners will be forced to pay twice as much for them to stay in a care home has seen stocks and shares in the mashed food and backhanded slap markets soar to unprecedented new heights. Market's across t...

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Funny story: 'Long to reign over us' to be Removed from National Anthem!

'Long to reign over us' to be Removed from National Anthem!

A statement released from Buckingham Palace this morning has sadly officially confirmed that Her Majesty the Queen has the age related condition known as 'detrectandis'. The condition is fortunately not life threatening. Detrectandis usually attacks...

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Funny story: Sex and The City Prequel Casting - Original Four in Discussions with Cher to Get Rejuvenation Tips

Sex and The City Prequel Casting - Original Four in Discussions with Cher to Get Rejuvenation Tips

Sex and the City producers have confirmed a prequel, a cause for celebration and a bonaza for cosmetic surgeons suffering from the recession. Women around the world will have another chance to indulge in doses of fashion porn from the glamorous s...

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Funny story: Sharon Stone Flashes 'Mature' Beaver on Film in NYC - Rotting Corpse Gas Kills Several Crew Members, Biggest Evacuation Since 9/11

Sharon Stone Flashes 'Mature' Beaver on Film in NYC - Rotting Corpse Gas Kills Several Crew Members, Biggest Evacuation Since 9/11

Ageless actress Sharon Stone has triggered one of the biggest on set disasters in movie history, as a one mile cordon had to be set up around a film set in New York after she recreated the infamous scene from Basic Instinct. An unexplained toxic gas...

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Funny story: Bankrupt care home sells off old people

Bankrupt care home sells off old people

A care homes company has begun selling off its old people after going into administration. Northern Cross, which operates 130 care homes around the UK, went into administration this week after failing to raise finance to cover its debts. 1,000 sta...

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Funny story: Then and Now - 1959 vs 2011

Then and Now - 1959 vs 2011

One of the old farts who contribute their pathetic rubbish to our magazine, (we've tried to discourage him) has sent in yet another of his 'Odes' - this time about the downhill differences he finds himself suffering from 1959 to 2011. Being as we rejected to git's previous three pieces of crap, we thought we'd better include this one, as it is not as bad as his usual offerings. The place I now...

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