Chancellor Alistair Darling has announced debt consolidation arrangements to relieve the Treasury's exposure to the Northern Rock and avoid its imminent nationalisation.
Shitty of London - (Insolvent Mess): The EU's ultimate lender of the last resort has given bankrupt Labour Party money-pit the Northern Crock Bank a whopping great big $500 billion (348.7bn euros/£249bn) hand-out "just in time for the festiv...
UK Chancellor Alistair Darling has announced the nationalisation of failing bank Northern Rock.
Shitty of London - (Insolvent Mess): Former Northern Crock CEO Adam Applecart has been nominated for a Life Peerage by Prime Monster Gorgon Brown after embezzling a record £24 billion of UK taxpayers' money to prop up the disaster-hit mobster slu...
The BBCs 'Children In Need' fund-raising programme ended in confusion this evening, after leaked documents suggested that high-ranking BBC officials and directors of the stricken Northern Rock bank had conspired to divert donations to an offs...
Northern Rock has hit back at George W Bush's claim that it is part of the Axis of Evil by saying that it was "just a case of sour grapes" by the US President.
"Enough of the bad press - we're going after the Nazi!" The outburst by a Northern Rock executive over the weekend was quickly clarified, retracted, reissued and reclarified but the startling truth is that, for one Northern Rock custom...
Northern Rock's eBay sale has received a massive response from the auction site's followers. Proving beyond doubt that there is always someone out there that wants the useless stuff that you need to sell, bidding has now reached a massive £5...
Northern Rock, the UK Bank which has borrowed billions from the Bank of England when the credit markets dried up, is to be sold on eBay, insiders have revealed.
Northern Rock chairman Matt Ridley has mysteriously stepped down from his job, sources at the beleaguered bank have announced. He cleared his desk this afternoon, and resigned with immediate effect.
City of London - (Ass Sting Mess): "It's not often the Fraud Squad and the FSA gets the chance to have a right laugh," Financial Services Authority chief executive Hector Sants said today.
After six years of study, the London School of Economics has concluded that the only way to get rich on the internet is to promise to make people rich.
Shitty of London - (Embezzlement Mess): Northern Rock could stay unrepentant and even keep its current board of leeches according to reports in the City of London.
Shitty of London - (Bankrolling Mess): Whitehall sources have said that troubled financial giant Northern Rock Bank is spearheading a £20 million loan to the Labour Party to finance its campaign in the recently-announced Halloween general election.
City of London - (Ass Mess): A sub-prime junk loan company in Little Rock, Arkansas, has bought the near-insolvent UK Northern Rock Bank in a deal described as 'made in heaven' by City of London bankers today.
Chelsea - (Ridiculous Mess): Ex-Chelsea FC coach Jose Mourinho was reportedly seen in queue outside the Kings Road branch of the Northern Rock Bank today clutching several large holdalls and flanked by heavies.
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