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Funny satire stories about Newt Gingrich

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Funny story: Glenn "Crybaby" Beck States That He Will Cry A Lot of Tears If Mitt Romney Is The GOP Presidential Candidate

Glenn "Crybaby" Beck States That He Will Cry A Lot of Tears If Mitt Romney Is The GOP Presidential Candidate

POCATELLO, Idaho - Glenn Beck was in Pocatello visiting one of the largest potato museums in the world, The Spud Land Museum & Gift Shop. He was accompanied by his 4-year-old niece Daisy Parpaletti, who looks just like him except she's a lot smaller, she's a girl, and she does not cry anywhere near as much as her uncle. Beck was asked by Mistletoe Bulova, a very pretty reporter with The...

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Funny story: Whose Bed Have Newt's Boots Been Under?

Whose Bed Have Newt's Boots Been Under?

Regardless of Newt Gringrich's prospects for winning the Republican presidential nomination, it's impossible to dispute that the ladies looooove Newt! And it's not just the ladies - nearly every time Gingrich is scheduled to speak, he ends up doing so to a packed house. Gingrich's passion is clearly contagious, as indicated by his sold-out debates and standing-room-only campaign events. In fac...

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Funny story: Gingrich & Santorum to combine as one...will run as Attila the Hun!

Gingrich & Santorum to combine as one...will run as Attila the Hun!

Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum stunned the political universe today as they announced they will combine their campaigns and run as one. "We will campaign and govern as Attila the Hun," stated Gingrich. A reporter from the Associated Press called...

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Funny story: Former Kamikaze pilot hired by Gingrich!

Former Kamikaze pilot hired by Gingrich!

In a surprise announcement this morning, Newt Gingrich announced that he had hired an Ex Kamikaze pilot as his campaign manager. Newt introduced the ninety-two year old pilot Yoshiro Metamora and explained his strategy in a few words. According...

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Funny story: My Worst Nightmare: I Was Married to Newt Gingrich

My Worst Nightmare: I Was Married to Newt Gingrich

I'm coming clean and you are the first to know. If you are a frequent Dating Dementia reader, you'll recall that I seldom remember my dreams. Scientists have established that everyone dreams. I'm sure I do. Yet, for some unknown reason, upon waking I remember nothing about the weird wanderings of my midnight mind. Ignorance is indeed bliss. My bliss bubble was popped early this morning...

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Funny story: Political Facebook - Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, and Ron Paul

Political Facebook - Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, and Ron Paul

POLITICAL FACEBOOK Rick Santorum: Hey Mitt how's your Etch A Sketch doing? 8:14 a.m. Mitt Romney: It's doing great Ricky boy. Do you still really feel that if I ran against President Obama that Republicans should vote for him and not me, a GOPer. 8:19 a.m. Rick Santorum: Do skunks stink? Is Lake Michigan wet? Does Lindsay Lohan have hundreds and hundreds of freckles? Of course I do "Hai...

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Funny story: Newt Gingrich Gets Hold of Romney's Etch A Sketch and Shakes up the Republican Presidential Race

Newt Gingrich Gets Hold of Romney's Etch A Sketch and Shakes up the Republican Presidential Race

The entire Republican presidential race took an unexpected turn when Newt Gingrich got hold of Mitt Romney's etch a sketch and shook the crap out of it. The incident occurred at a Houma, Louisiana gumbo bar called Mumbo Dumbo's Gumbo where both cand...

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Funny story: Gingrich Attacked by Wiccans Seeking Eye of Newt

Gingrich Attacked by Wiccans Seeking Eye of Newt

Late last night while taking his regular "constitutional" (Gingrich's preferred term for his nightly moonlight strolls through the woods, the moniker he feels best demonstrates his passionate commitment to the civil rights propagated by our Founding...

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Funny story: The Top Ten Political Etch A Sketch Sayings of The Month

The Top Ten Political Etch A Sketch Sayings of The Month

Ever since Mitt Romney spokesperson Eric "The Red" Fehrnstrom made his Etch A Sketch remark at a political campaign rally at a Pizza Gal Restaurant parking lot in Missoula, Montana, the name of the toy has been used more times than the words "Where's the clicker?" The following list was compiled by the verbiage gathering agency known as Did You Hear That, Inc. which is based in Kalamazoo, Michi...

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Funny story: The Inside Scoop on Newt's Conversion!

The Inside Scoop on Newt's Conversion!

ATLANTA, GA (ABSNN) - Newt Gingrich believes he is "Behind the Eight Ball," according to close associates within his faltering, third-place campaign. The big stories the past three news cycles were Romney's exit from the Mormon faith and his convers...

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Funny story: Mass projectile vomiting predicted at GOP convention!

Mass projectile vomiting predicted at GOP convention!

Newt Gingrich held a press conference yesterday in Biloxi, Mississippi and predicted that if Mitt Romney is nominated as the GOP candidate, "there will mass nausea and projectile vomiting at the convention!" Gingrich elaborated, "And this sickness wi...

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Funny story: Recent Poll States 3 out of 4 Residents of Mordor Prefer Mitt Romney

Recent Poll States 3 out of 4 Residents of Mordor Prefer Mitt Romney

Not since the fall of Sauron has a candidate excited the citizens of Mordor as much as Mitt Romney. During a recent stump speech in Mordor, he spoke to a group of former Orcs now working as bankers, stock brokers and wealthy industrialists. He tol...

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Funny story: Newt Gingrich Demands That Obama's Head Be Hermetically Sealed And Frozen

Newt Gingrich Demands That Obama's Head Be Hermetically Sealed And Frozen

BILLINGSGATE POST: In a last minute face saving development, Newt Gingrich demanded that President Obama's head be put into a hermetically sealed bubble so that flies wouldn't mistake it for an over ripe pumpkin during Presidential debates this fall.

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Funny story: Newt Gingrich: New Affair

Newt Gingrich: New Affair

Phoenix, Arizona- Local residents spotted GOP Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich courting Ron Paul's wife, Carol, at an upscale restaurant in Phoenix this past Friday evening. Given Newt's past marital problems, this will likely not bode well for h...

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Funny story: Catholic Church Nominated for Doublethink Award

Catholic Church Nominated for Doublethink Award

The Catholic Church has once again been nominated for the Doublethink Award, given annually to the person or organization that most ingeniously epitomizes the Orwellian concept of 'doublethink'. For those who have never read George Orwell's 1984,...

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Funny story: Santorum Now a Contender: Santorum and Romney to Star in Broadway Revival of "Carrie"

Santorum Now a Contender: Santorum and Romney to Star in Broadway Revival of "Carrie"

With a new head of steam from his three electoral victories on Tuesday night, Rick Santorum is daring to think what might have been unthinkable just a week ago and remains improbable - particularly from a costume perspective - that he can dispatch Ne...

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Funny story: Nancy Pelosi on Newt Gingrich: The 'something' she knows

Nancy Pelosi on Newt Gingrich: The 'something' she knows

WASHINGTON, DC --- Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi has told close friends what the "something" is she knows about Newt Gingrich, as a result of her, having served on the investigative committee that looked into ethics charges against the former House Sp...

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