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Funny satire stories about Newcastle United

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Funny story: QPR sign git

QPR sign git

QPR have signed Newcastle git Joey Barton. "I have always admired Joey as a git" said manager Neil Warnock. Barton will now be the highest earning git at QPR and fans are hoping the arrival of Joey will attract other big gits to the club: "We a...

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Funny story: Arsene Wenger wants to hire Joey Barton's smoking gun

Arsene Wenger wants to hire Joey Barton's smoking gun

Gunners' boss Arsene Wenger has turned up the heat on football fugitive Joey Barton. Rumours are circulating the North London underworld that 'Frenchie' Wenger has sent a Michael Caine lookalike up to Newcastle with instructions to "Get Joey."...

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Funny story: Friedrich Nietzsche gets respect from Joey Barton

Friedrich Nietzsche gets respect from Joey Barton

Alienated Newcastle footballer Joey Barton has been tweeting fans on Twitter about his "total respect" for German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche. Barton has told his 170,000 readers that the author of Beyond Good And Evil was "a real nutter" who...

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Funny story: Liverpool Triumph As North East Suffers Apocalyptic Football Weekend

Liverpool Triumph As North East Suffers Apocalyptic Football Weekend

The Laing Art Gallery in Newcastle is currently hosting an exhibition of work by 19th century painter of apocalyptic scenes and divine retribution John Martin. The region's football teams must have felt these had been brought to life as they suffe...

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Funny story: Premiership Star In Court

Premiership Star In Court

Newcastle United skipper Kevin Nolan has been fined almost £4000 after pleading guilty of speeding in a built up area. 28 year old Nolan, top scorer at the club since the £35 million January transfer window of Andy Carroll to Kenny Dalglish's Live...

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Funny story: Andy Caroll joins Liverpool, told to get a hair cut

Andy Caroll joins Liverpool, told to get a hair cut

Andy Carroll, the hero of Tyneside is set to become the hero of Merseyside, but only if he gets a hair cut. "It was bad enough that Torres used to wear a headband," said lifelong Liverpool fan and Newcastle boss, Alan Pardew. "But Andy wears a scr...

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Funny story: Newcastle Utd And Alan Pardew - A Triumph Of Hope Over Experience

Newcastle Utd And Alan Pardew - A Triumph Of Hope Over Experience

The football world was shaking its head in disbelief today as once again a throughly decent chap has decided to take a draught from the poisoned chalice. No doubt Alan Pardew will be handsomely remunerated for his efforts at Newcastle United but t...

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Funny story: Kevin Keegan: "I'll just LOVE IT, if I become Newcastle Utd Manager for a THIRD time!"

Kevin Keegan: "I'll just LOVE IT, if I become Newcastle Utd Manager for a THIRD time!"

St. James Park, Newcastle: The news on the Tyne, is that Kevin Keegan has made it known; "I'll just love it if I become Newcastle United Manager for a THIRD time!" Kevin Keegan was awarded £2 million (plus interest accrued) in severance claus...

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Funny story: Ex-Newcastle Manager Chris Hughton was Russian spy

Ex-Newcastle Manager Chris Hughton was Russian spy

Newcastle United have parted company with manager Chris Hughton having labelled him a Championship standard equal opportunities Russian spy who just happened to have a done a pretty damn good job. The Premiership club says its fears over his dupli...

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Funny story: Sol Campbell To Be Given 'Special Protection' At Newcastle

Sol Campbell To Be Given 'Special Protection' At Newcastle

Sol Campbell, the footballing journeyman signed this week by Premier League newboys Newcastle United, is to be afforded what has been called 'special protection' when he ventures out on Tyneside in an evening, due to the historically-harsh Geordie se...

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Funny story: Cole's for Newcastle

Cole's for Newcastle

Defying history Joe Cole is going to Newcastle - rumours that he was signing for Liverpool have proved groundless. 'I know where Coles have always felt at home' said Joe 'I want to be with the Magpies.' Meanwhile in the rest of the League trans...

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Funny story: Newcastle United Could Be Denied Promotion Over Technicality

Newcastle United Could Be Denied Promotion Over Technicality

The celebrations in the Bigg Market as Newcastle United apparently bounced back into the Premier League may prove to be premature thanks to an obscure 1997 clause which could see the Magpies have 20 points deducted from their season's total, thus den...

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Funny story: Geordie Joy as Newcastle United return to the Premier League

Geordie Joy as Newcastle United return to the Premier League

The streets of Newcastle were tonight awash with celebrating Geordies as they saluted the Magpies return to the Premier League, the place where they belong apparently. Among the revellers were celebrity supporters including Ant and Dec, Sting, Jim...

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Funny story: Joe McElderry Turns To Rappers N.W.A. For Direction

Joe McElderry Turns To Rappers N.W.A. For Direction

What a complete bastard of a result' - those were the words of X Factor winner Joe 'Jorrr' McElderry on hearing that his winning song DID NOT make it to Christmas number One. McElderry's song, 'The Climb' as an emotional song about a window cleane...

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Funny story: St James' Park Naming Rights Resolved

St James' Park Naming Rights Resolved

Having taken Newcastle United FC off the market and offered naming rights to St James' Park, owner Mike Ashley has announced that a deal has been finalised. As of December the first, St James' Park will no longer be referred to as St James' Park.

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Funny story: Shirtlifting Outlawed At Football Stadiums

Shirtlifting Outlawed At Football Stadiums

The Football Association today took its firmest steps yet to halt a growing trend in the game, by banning the unseemly and potentially painful activity known amongst players and fans alike as 'shirtlifting'. Shirtlifting came into football only ab...

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Funny story: Football Greats Honour Sir Bobby Robson (And Other Bobbies)

Football Greats Honour Sir Bobby Robson (And Other Bobbies)

Some of the biggest names in football have been gathering today to pay their final respects to former England, Newcastle United and Ipswich Town manager Sir Bobby Robson, who passed away in July after a long illness. Sir Bobby died on 31 July aged...

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