The ultra Feminist head of the FBI, Ms. Gona Dectomy has announced the success of a three year Honey Trap. "Operation Sticky Centrefold". Twenty thousand men were interviewed and forty thousand "helpful" Lads Magazines were last night being examined...
NORFOLK, Virginia - The executive director with PETA, Mimosa Ledbetter, recently stated on The Ellen DeGeneres Show that her group would like to have a nice friendly meeting with the representatives of the world's biggest circus, The Ringling Brother...
OMAHA, NE - A zookeeper in Omaha, NE was recently placed on indefinite work suspension due to disciplinary measures he was caught taking with primate residents at a local zoo. "I felt that bobo, in particular, was being selfish, hoarding food, and...
No sooner was it announced that Brent, a 37-year-old Louisiana chimp, had won first prize in a chimpanzee art contest (read about it here on TheGuardian.com website) than the chimp called a lawyer to complain that the sanctuary where he lived would b...
OK, I have a confession to make: I think I'm a bad person. Not "Battlefield Earth" bad, but bad enough. What has driven me to all this self-flagellation? What could cause such dark introspection and self recrimination? The answer is simple - a crazy chimpanzee. I still can't stop thinking about the former celebrity chimpanzee who went nuts. How could a story about a former celebrity chimp wh...
NORFOLK, Virginia - There are an awful lot of unhappy folks at the organization known as PETA, which stands for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. The group's Executive Director Mimosa Ledbetter sent an email to the Iranian Assistant Def...
This was monkey business, with a capital B. Turns out Darwin (yep, that's the monkey's name), who was wearing a shearling coat as he roamed the parking lot, was doing some modeling for his clothing business, which -- you guessed it -- manufactur...
A small monkey wearing a sheepskin coat was spotted shopping in a branch of Ikea in Toronto. Shoppers were surprised and shocked by the sight. "It was just a small monkey. I thought at first it was a little person in a mask." Mario Tomlin said. '...
Recently released US government documents have shed light on George W. Bush's time as President of the United States. They reveal the sort of lunacy President Dubya's staff had to put up with during his two terms in office. We have compiled a list of ten of the most idiotic things he said and did or thought. 1) When discussing foreign affairs with his advisors Bush believed they were talk...
After this weeks disgraceful behaviour by UK football fans who thought they were funny by acting like monkeys, the Monkey union, called Apes Anonymous, have decided to sue any persons attempting to pathetically copy the real thing; monkeys that is.
"From the actual jungle to the urban jungle" as David Attenborough would probably say if he was remotely interested in this story. A English married mum of two says she was raised by monkeys in the Colombian jungle. We at Back and to the Left news really wish she had said "gorillas" then we could have made a selection of jokes (and pass them off as journalism) about the paramilitary group Farc whi...
DAYTON, Tennessee (ABSNN) - A female Dayton blogger, Rachel Held Evans, lived an entire year according to the rules laid out in the King James Version of the Bible. Among other biblical tenants she followed, she addressed her husband as "Master," an...
Sneezing monkeys have a lot to celebrate. They were recently named to Arizona State University's annual Top 10 New Species list. And there's more. The resulting publicity has had an amazing side effect. The sneezing monkeys have signed contra...
Earlier today, zoologists were stunned when three apes from the New York zoo began to speak to them in English. What started as a friendly conversation (the apes thanking the zookeepers for their humane treatment) quickly turned sour. "You can onl...
Theresa May has announced that she's sending preacher Abu Qatada back to Jordan. Qatada was deeply distressed by this and said 'No, please don't make me go. Jordan makes me dress in pink hot pants and every night she sings at me until I scream. I wou...
The riddle of how our ancestors 'evolved' from moving on all fours to being bipedal has at last not been answered. A recent study, where 'evolution scientits' (not a spelling mistake)spent 14 months on holiday in Guinea, West Africa concluded that...
The Bonobo "Whoopee" Apes in the Democratic Republic of the Congo are becoming extinct even though they have sex every few minutes, even while they're eating. "It is an amazing fact", stated Penelope Swinger of one Bonobo Sanctuary in the central...
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