Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, last night reportedly had set up a temporary abode on a bench in Titchfield Cemetery, following a horrendous argument with long suffering wife, Anne, regarding the appropriate applications available for 'real' gravy, as...
Disgraced Jesuit, and go-getting entrepreneur, Francois DuBois, of West 'By GOD!' Virginia, today announced that he will soon be opening a premium rate telephone confessional service, for people who lead such busy lives that they don't have the time...
Local woman, Anne Shuttlecock, long suffering wife of renowned idiot, Martin Shuttlecock, today revealed that she has sold her intolerable other half for £1.99 online. In a statement issued to reporters, Anne Shuttlecock revealed that the final st...
Failing satirist, buffoon of long standing, idiot, crap diplomat, pariah, awful cook, bad husband, and beer guzzling, chain smoking idiot, Martin Shuttlecock, today embarked upon a lunatic quest intended to restore to at least some degree, his points standing on satirical website www.thespoof.com. By hitting the lowest common denominator...and surfing the net for porn. Here, he explains the...
Barcelona - El Raval - Sunday: Another hot sunny Sunday in the Catalan capital. For the Shuttlecock clan, there was much to anticipate, for Sunday evenings are traditionally the best times to see the Magic Fountain on the olympic hill of Montjuic in all their spectacular glory. The whole clan were raring to go, and wallow in the Magic Fountain's musical lightshow. All that is, except Mart...
Barcelona - Day Five - L'Aquarium. In his own words for once. "It was a weird sort of a day; day five. It kicked off with the kids getting bored in the apartment, so I had a conspiratorial word in the son-in-law's shell, and we decided to take them out for a walk to burn off some of that excess energy. "I don't know if any of you who are reading this know Barcelona at all - if you do, you...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock told reporters this morning that he was "gutted" after seeing his beloved Manchester United crash to an opening day of the season defeat to Everton at Goodison Park last night. Everton won the match 1-0 with a second half header from Belgian star, Marouane Fellaini. "I was gutted," Shuttlecock related. "I'd been working the 2-10 shift and I forgot to Sky-Plus th...
No trip to Barcelona is ever considered complete without a visit to the magnificent Nou Camp. Which is where Martin Shuttlecock went on Friday, accompanied by his football loving son in law. Who filmed the event for posterity, unknown to Shuttlecock. "He had one of them orbital cameras," Shuttlecock revealed. "What does films and that. I didn't know he was filming it. I thought he was just t...
Night time: Sagrada Familia, El Raval and Ladyboys - As regular readers are probably aware, Martin Shuttlecock can't write for peanuts, has no comprehension of the concept of humour, or irony, or even basic table manners. So we sent a Skoob News reporter out to interview him. In a cockroach infested crackhouse up an alley in Barcelona's notorious El Raval district. "It's not really all that...
"Well, that wasn't at all what I expected," said a decidedly disgruntled Martin Shuttlecock, from his garret in Barcelona's notorious El Raval district, last night. "The flight down here was pretty uneventful - although it wasn't a Lear jet, it was at least a jet, one of them airbus things. Still, at least we never did a belly flop onto the M27. And we didn't get served champagne by a bevvy of...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, a vertically challenged Scouser who pretends he's really from Salford because it sounds a bit more 'street' revealed today that he's looking forward to jetting off to Mediterranean hotspot, Barcelona, on Tuesday. "I'...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock today announced that he intends to post daily letters from Barcelona - on condition that he actually makes the trip, and can avoid getting blind drunk on Estrella Damm, absinthe, and local wine by the bucketload. "It'...
Speaking from his 1960's retro-themed council tower block in Titchfield, Hants this evening, local man, Martin Shuttlecock angrily declared that in his opinion, Home Secretary, Theresa May, is "a brain-dead muppet" with no tangible grip on reality, a...
Local woman, Anne Shuttlecock, the long suffering wife of local idiot, Martin Shuttlecock, today went seven shades of homicidal as she renewed her passport at the Titchfield West post office. "That bitch at the post office rejected the photographs...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, a part time roast chestnut vendor from Titchfield, revealed that he had survived a horrendous buttock area gas explosion earlier today. "I was lucky to escape unsinged," Shuttlecock told reporters. According to so...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock has added his negligible weight to the pre-match analysis ahead of tonight's Italy v England Euro 2012 quarter final clash in Kiev. Relaxing quietly at his Titchfield home, sipping a cold one and sparking his thirtiet...
Long suffering wife of local idiot, Martin Shuttlecock - the lovely Anne - today stated unequivocally that she's had a really shit day. "It all started in the early hours, when my silly bastard of a husband woke me up at about four thirty am deman...
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