CIA HQ in Canadian Parliament male boghole has just received a flash of MP, Pat Martin's rear end after he rushed in here to change his tight underpants! Star Canadian CIA (Cockroach Inflitration Army) reporter, Randy Orifice-Thong, after being bo...
The Home Secretary Theresa May has stunned her Westminster colleagues having unknowingly displayed her new 36DD breast implants to both the opposition and coalition party. The normal comatose assembly of deadbeats, no hopers, kiddie fiddlers, expe...
Labour Liverpool councillor, Bobby Davro, has called for all Members of Parliament to be put on zero hour contracts. "The current ConDem coalition has not only allowed, but actively encouraged the use of zero hour contracts across the country," sa...
While countries such as Spain crumble under top heavy government administration costs, E.U. rules now state that all M.P.s of member States must now submit claims for claiming for expenses. Additionally, claims must be made for petrol costs for drivi...
William Hague, often mistaken for Kryten, the bald, strange talking robot from Sci-fi comedy Red Dwarf, has been advised by his boss, Dave (Doolittle) Cameron, to take speech therapy lessons after a near fatal incident in the London Science Museum.
Ed Miliband has finally shown his hand to the political world at large by declaring: "I want to bring Socialism back!" Considering your average voter no longer knows what socialism is this could be seen as a bit of a mute point. However Back an...
Dear Diary, Thank god I'm not in that hell-hole of a place Wandsworth anymore. It was a nightmare to be in there. All I could hear were the little lambs screaming every night and there was nothing that could take their screams away. Now all I can hear is their silence and it's so peaceful. Now I'm residing at her majesty's pleasure in an 'Open Prison' which is completely different from Wan...
Friday 15th 2013 Dear Diary, Well I have survived a night in Wandsworth Prison and I haven't been beaten up yet. I'm 'padded' (sharing) a cell (toilet) with somebody who cannot be named for legal reasons but he's 'in' (convicted) for robbing old grannies for their handbags and seems quite harmless, and he had to get up in the middle of the night and have a very large poo (crap). Oh the ind...
Disgraced and humiliated Lib Dem MP Chris Huhne has asked to be given a community sentence in regards to his recent guilty plea for perjury and perverting the course of justice. In the biggest scandal to hit Whitehall since plebgate and George Ga...
A new post, Offensive Minister, has been created by the Government as a result of public demand : the new Minister is to be Algernon Crapper MP for Littlehumpton - a man who will imbue confidence into his Post. In an announcement Crapper stated t...
British MP's are demanding at least a 32% payrise because they feel the hot-air garbage that spews out of their mouths is worth much more than what they are receiving at the moment! David Cameron who spews out the most hot-air rhetoric, is demandi...
A 20-year-old car regularly used by teenagers has been condemned as unfit for use. All four tyres were under-inflated, both wing mirrors were missing, and the windscreen was filthy. A group of 14-18 year-olds in Stockport have been put at risk bec...
Dear Constituent I have had a hectic few days spoiled by a gastric upset which I blame on the poisoned haggis that arrived via Parcel Force from an address in Aberdeen. I actually suspect my last newsletter upset Alex Salmond of the SNP and it was he who posted me the spiked Macsween haggis. Both of these famous names - Salmond and Macsween - claim to be guardians of Scottishness -...
Dear Constituents I had a very hectic weekend, utterly spoilt by my wife insisting I attend the wedding of her niece to a man who hails from Edinburgh. As we all know, Scots are well known for being careful with their money but how low they can stoop was brought home to me when I was given a handful of confetti to throw. It was dirty. Whilst I waited in the car for the reception to f...
Dear Constituents Fresh from my work experience as an apprentice vicar at Krupton Parish Church and with the Conference season over for another year we can now focus on more important things such as re-election. My theme this week will be the looming power crisis and I have a solution that I think should guarantee me the necessary attention before the election and a Ministerial job soon...
Dear Constituents (and Parishioners) I have had a very hectic week. I should really have gone along to the Party Conference but, instead, undertook some specialised work experience. Unless one is pre-booked to perform on the main stage or even one of the side shows, Party Conferences are a useless pathway to career progression especially for a non-comformist so I decided to get away with...
Dear constituents Everything has returned to hectic normality since the few days I spent in drag in Grey Gables Old Peoples' Home. I have to admit that I miss my knickers, though. Despite occasional disasters I found these over-sized garments far more comfortable than my Y-fronts so I'm going to renew the campaign once started by the excellent Mr Paxman to improve the design of men's underwe...
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