Redmond, Washington Bill Gates, the richest man in the Universe, recently won two lotteries worth a combined $211 million dollars. "Mr. Gates has yet to pick up the money, or even call and make arrangements. It's almost like he doesn't care. Who...
ASPEN, Colorado - Local residents of the ski resort town of Aspen are as happy as woodpeckers in a kitchen cabinet factory. The word has gotten out that The Big Tex Texaco Gasoline Station is giving customers who fill up their vehicles three marij...
Detroit, MI Detroit was chastised by the emergency bankruptcy manager for not revealing its lottery wins. It appears that Detroit has just been going out and having a good time and not letting the bankruptcy manager know about the windfalls. "It'...
CHICAGO - Melville Paxperkins has been a homeless man for 17 years. He said that he lost his house in a poker game back on Labor Day of 1996. Mr. Paxperkins has been hanging out at the same Chicago corner for the past 15 years and he says that eve...
ZEPHYRHILLS, Florida - Eighty-four-year-old Gloria C. MacKenzie the $590 million Powerball winner recently stated that one of the first things she is going to do is to get a complete makeover. And by that Ms. MacKenzie said that she just doesn't m...
A UK Lottery winner has told the world how to blow 1,8 million quid in 5 minutes in a BBC interview and does not expect one ounce of sympathy; well he aint going to get any. He listed his purchases and is claiming a place in the "Guiness book of r...
A couple from the north of England want to remain anonymous after scooping the biggest prize in the Albanian national lottery, and for some reason, wish to stay anonymous. One of the poorest countries in the world, Albania have struggled to pay ba...
There was good news from lottery organisers, who have been concerned of late about the number of unclaimed winning tickets from various games. Despite scantily clad women pushing the button to operate the machines every Saturday on BBC1, there are...
Isle of Dogs - A late night fast food cafe owner is in shock this weekend after a trainee put the winning lottery ticket inside a customer's take away kebab. Five numbers and the two all-important star balls came up trumps for Barking Blue Moon Ke...
Cheddar or Gouda, Brie or Edam, it turns out that the congealed mess that is left if you leave milk in the sun can form the basis of a working time machine. "We noticed that the vacuoles of air inside a cheese were remarkably dense," said Professo...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock was today left cursing his damnable luck, after winning the National Lottery Jackpot by an absolute country mile - but forgetting to buy the required ticket in order to claim his prize. A thoroughly disgruntled Shuttl...
The anonymous Kansan who recently stepped forward to collect a check for $218 million acknowledged today that all of the money would be gone within a year. "I've got big plans for that money. I'm gonna rent me some diamond furniture, invest in...
Baltimore, MD - Despite six days of careful planning, Janet McNary learned Wednesday that she will not be receiving a lottery jackpot of over two-hundred million dollars. The 34-year-old McNary, a housewife from the suburbs of Maryland, had meticulo...
Fabio Capello has resigned as England manager, the Football Association has confirmed. It is believed that Fabio wants to spend more time with his family. A source told BBC today "Fabio is a pensioner - working two weeks in the summer will be...
Lard, Ayrshire - They famously scooped £161 million on the Lot and wowed Alex Salmond with their £1 million SNP bung. Today Michelin Man lookalikes Colin and Chris Weird (sic) face the ignominy (WTF that? - 'Ed') of seeing their cheque returned.
The winner of £2.5M in last week's UK Lottery has not yet been paid out owing to suspicious irregularities. The winning ticket held by Hamish MacFly, 19, of Reading was bought legitimately just two days prior to the draw and correctly named all six...
New York - "They're gonna use the winnings to short the Euro, heheh!" was one take on what three Greenwich, Connecticut hedge fund managers might do with their stonking $254million Powerball win. The winning numbers - 12/14/34/39/46 + the Powerbal...
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