London - "Maybe it's escaped from the Princess Diana Memorial Fountain," is how one wildlife expert assessed the situation this morning. Wildlife shots of the mystery beastie - definitely not doctored by the BBC or David Attenborough - show a Loc...
The great Loch Ness Monster has been spotted miles from home on the River Thames in London. It's been a few years since the monster has been seen in Scotland and the sighting in London could prove the reason why. The sighting of the famous monster...
Scotland - 'Mayday! Mayday! Extraterrestrial space shit attack!' The SOS message, picked up Saturday evening on marine emergency frequencies, saw Scotland's premier eerie loch trawled by rescue services after locals reported seeing a large blue b...
Has the Loch Ness Monster finally been killed? A Scottish fisherman by the name of Angus McTwinkle claims he caught the monster on Monday but then had to kill it and leave it to sink to the bottom of the Loch. "I called out a warning for Nessie to...
London - "We've been as busy as Beachy Head at Christmas," a Royal Parks Agency police diver commented this afternoon, "what with so many royal wedding invite disappointees looking for a landmark Central London site. "Of course, the Diana Fountain...
Coming on the heels of a couple who claimed they saw a "Nessie-like' lake creature while out on Lake Windermere in England, it has been reported that something very large has overturned a small boat of tourists who were out to get a glimpse. "We g...
Scotland - (Big Bang Theories): The details remain unclear whether it's Scotland's secret underwater mini-Hadron Collider that's exploded or if it's the missing Russian Akula-class submarine, sent potty by Stuxnet! Commenting on the incident Stra...
Recent sightings of Nessie the Loch Ness monster and photos taken by American tourists have sprung up a strange coincidence. One American tourist after a traditional Scottish lunch of Haggis and Scotch whiskey decided to take a walk along the Loc...
The Loch Ness Monster has been discovered frozen in a block of ice in Loch Ness today. After the severe winter in which the entire Loch froze over scientists only recently were able to get back and continue their search for Nessie. Scientists are...
It's feared that the Nessynappers, at present free on bail, will be facing a life behind bars. This fact is enivitable say both their defense and prosectution. If they are indeed, found guilty of Nessynapping, they will each receive a sentence of...
It's true, the Nessynappers have made bail. Apparently the husbands of two of the fanatics have posted bail for all imprisoned Red Scarf Brigade members. Bail has been set at $300,000,000,000 American. The conditions of their bail is laid out in court documents as follows: 1. The women will not be allowed to listen to any music or watch any videos of Susan Boyle 2. They...
Nessynappers continue to suffer after having been 'entertained' by Billy Connoly for 24 hours. Susan Boyle herself visited the women but was ordered not to speak, or sing. Susan was asked to merely stand in front of them, out of arms reach and, eve...
Much to the relief of Nessy followers, Nessy has been returned to the Loch - Nessy's Minder, Dennis Waterman, his pals Allun and James, successfully worked towards getting Nessy returned. An added bonus, the police apprehended a group of American...
Nessy (known outside Bonnie Scotland as The Loch Ness Monster) has been kidnapped, or rather 'Nessynapped'. Nessy disappeared from the Loch in the early hours of Monday morning. A busload of Nessy fanatics arrived at the Loch at approximately 8:0...
The Loch Ness Monster has failed to turn up recently for the usual tourist photos because Loch Ness is totally frozen during this period of Global Freezing. Scotland at present is even colder than Moscow. Angus MacPherson who has a collection of p...
Happily married couple Jimmy and Jemima MacFucksakes were enjoying a Highland drive-by vacation when they stopped on the shores of Loch Ness to exercise their pet labrador, Sityabastard. They were horrified by what happened next. Jemima MacFuck...
The Loch Ness Monster former star of the eighties poorly animated children's programme "Nessie" has been inundated with hate mail, journalists and general blather. After the entire UK speculate who attacked Britains Sweetheart Jordan Katona Goody Loh...
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