Holland is a lovely place, isn't it? And so flat! The perfect place to ride a bicycle, as flat as a pancake, with no impossibly-difficult hills to climb. Or that's what you think! Here are some things about Holland that you probably didn't know, a...
You know you're old - and maybe and old southern Californian: When none of the names on the senior golf tour are familiar. If you can remember using a fountain pen. When a successful morning is a satisfactory bowel movement. If you rememb...
He needs a decent shampoo, rinse, and cut from Vidal Sassoon. He wants Stormy Daniels’ phone number. He wants to be let loose carte blanche in the M&M anchor store in New York City, ending in a candy bath of M&M Reds. He wants his scientists to examine Nancy Pelosi –it’s an ancient Korean cultural practice dealing with living mummification. He’s out of nuclear warheads anyway, cuz Godz...
The age old discussion of booze and health refuses to go away as scientists have come up with yet another threat to our lives; apart from dropping out of a plane, being hit by East European trucks, crossing the road generally, and falling in the bath, among millions of other reasons why our lives could be shortened! Well Jaggedone sent his CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) star, piss-artist rep...
Over here at Back and to the Left news we are very, very busy people so bust in fact we can’t always come up with our own ideas for articles. So we take ideas from others. It’s not stealing as such more a re-appropriation of concepts from less talented writers and giving said ideas access to a larger global audience. With this in mind we went through MSN news and found the article “40 Hilarious...
Donald Trump. For legal purposes we have to point out, again, that this man is the current President of the United States. Mr Trump has decreed that 25 of the most endangered species in the world no longer need the USA's conservation efforts. Below we obtained the list and his reasons why. 1. Pacific Walrus: Quite like seals and we have loads of them. No one would wake up one morning and go...
We all want to be popular. Unfortunately, we don't all have the face of popularity. Likability, now that's something we can all achieve. And with these four easy steps to follow, you'll be likable in no time! 1. Have a sense of humor. If you don't have one, immediately after saying something, stare at the listener (preferably a stranger) in the eyes and say in a low voice, "You're supposed to b...
After years of research and a constant stream of psychotic experiences in the pub, Perry & Terry share what pisses them off. People who major in all the arts but can't draw the curtains. Critics who never complain after a blowjob. The humble accountant. They must count for something. When horses are called stupid names like "Transsexual" and you are forced to place an each way bet...
Why don't.... ..Police interrogation officers get confessions by pushing the perpetrator into a darkened room with a random upturned 3 pin plug left on the floor. ..can openers have a 'best by' date on them? ..1% of household germs wipe out life on this planet? ..aboriginals when they eat grubs feel disgust when we eat caviar? ..we ever remember the exact amount when our parents asked "How...
"Trumpmas": A Top Ten List What say we get the superficial similarities between the season's two hottest execs out of the way first, shall we? Both are known to be large, pale, white, hairy men with yuuuuuge waistlines and a habit of jetting around the world doing deals. Here then is a Top Ten accounting of the "bright contrasts" between this holiday season's two big-shot CEOs: 1) Tru...
1. I'm signing nothing! 2. George Brown, George W. Bush and his dad as well as Henry Kissinger, Barack Obama and J.K. Rowling are all tools, all phonies. 3. Hiram Abiff is an idiotic myth and you should all grow up. 4. Your controllers of the 'upper degrees' are laughing their asses off at the gullibles clinging to the lower rungs. Right? 5. Money is not God. 6. Sex is of no real importance...
Sick of that old sixties vinyl collection cluttering up the hallway? Exasperated by the pile of Superman comics in the downstairs loo? Let's face it, here's a great opportunity for throwing out your partner's junk. Exercise a little deceit - excuse me, I mean tact - when you're loading the car. "Hang on a sec, I've forgotten something..." you could say, as you dash back inside with a bin-liner.
Ten Reasons Why you are Skint. 1. Your parents want you to get to heaven and only skint people they fervently believe go there say the holy books. Your parents may wear Shamrocks, turbans, beads and feathers or Eskimo hats, it really doesn't matter. You are mandated to stay skint for the rest of your natural because it would break their hearts if you didn't. After all they have suffered for you...
(1) Claiming that you are "irish". Nobody wakes up in the morning thinking they are Irish. An 'Irish' beard has never been shaved by an 'Irish' razor. (2). Seeking recognition for doing something exceptional. Taboo is that. That is why the Irish are hopeless at anything competitive. "Who da fuck duz he tink he is?" is an effective deterrent against the very thought of trying to win at ANYTHING.
In a survey from Thailand to Morocco men's magazine "U-R-FKD" discovered that men's taste in women had not changed over thousands of years. Certain key traits however seemed to predominate over the centuries. If Cleopatra turned men on with her brains as well as her beauty many more found success in the absence of both. It really devolved to who the male was as women seemed to tick eve...
1. Showing up there, unless you want to or need to. 2. Allowing yourself to be pissed upon from a great height by your boss. He/she is not your parent. He/ she doesn't know you. They only imagine they do. That is how they got to be boss in the first place. Like David Cameron got to be PM. 'Knows' everybody, does David. 3. Misunderstanding the true nature of the...
1. He beats you up. 2. He doesn't beat you up. If he really loved you he would beat you up like your first husband... whom you should never have left but had to... because he beat you up. 3. You are not Jane enough to his Tarzan. 4. He is not Tarzan enough to your Jane. 5. He only married you for your money. 6. She only married you for your money. 7. He lusts after other women.
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