New Aston Villa manager Paul Lambert has revealed his master plan for getting his underperforming team firing on all cylinders before the start of next season. Starvation. He said. "Hungry players play well, hungry players want to get out on that...
Unbelievable. Probably the only word to sum up Chelsea's performance at the Nou Camp tonight. The game didn't start well for Chelsea when they lost Gary Cahill to a strained sideburn after eleven minutes. It got worse when Sergio Busquets gave Bar...
It's been acknowledged as the most difficult question in modern football - the sheer genius of the diminutive Argentinian, or the instinctive athletic artistry of the Portuguese? Who is the world's best footballer? The two went head to head last n...
In an amazing turn of events today, Leyton Orient pulled off the transfer coup of the January window and possibly the millenium when O's chairman Barry Hearn announced to a packed to the rafters press conference in the club's Olympic suite that newl...
The Spanish cup second leg between Real Madrid and Barcelona exploded last night when star players Christiano 'Winker' Ronaldo and Lionel 'Mini' Messi went head to head in a mud wrestling challenge after 62 minutes of the game. A highly volatile m...
Leo Messi was today named the 'Short Footballer of the Year' in a prestigious ceremony at the Dog and Duck in Cleethorpes. 5 foot 7 inches Messi held off competition in the voting from now retired 5 foot 6 inches Roberto Carlos, 5 foot 5 inches De...
FC Barcelona forward Lionel Messi is as mad as an elf on the day after Christmas, after playing as himself on EA Sports' FIFA '11 game for Playstation 3, and realizing that the character sucks: And he plans to sue over it! "F--k Ronaldo, f--k, Kak...
The world of football is in a state of shock with the news that Argentinian superstar Lionel Messi has quit the game. Just minutes after helping Barcelona to win the Champions League final against Sir Alex Ferguson's Man Utd, the 23 year old maest...
South Korean Ji-Sung Park is being tipped to do a job on Lionel Messi at Wembley tonight. Expert Telly Venables sees Park as the man to muzzle Messi: "The Korean will be snapping at Messi's heels from the first whistle. It will be dog eat dog"...
Reports are coming out of the Nou Camp stadium in Barcelona that tiny footballer Lionel Messi has a gigantic cock. The Argentinian struts his stuff in Spain and is acclaimed for his dribbling and ball control. He is also a clinical finisher w...
Below average height Carlos Tevez (5ft8") has today claimed in a national newspaper that Lionel Messi (3ft7") is even shorter than Diego Maradona (5ft5"). The Manchester Argie has also claimed that tiny midget Messi could well be the shortest foo...
A misleading sports writer today accused the Barcelona football team of regularly 'planking.' Planking is the latest stupid internet craze, which involves a whole lot of stupid people lying face down in bizarre locations, then posting the pictures...
The mind games have started! Barcelona's Lionel Messi has claimed in a Spanish newspaper that Wayne Rooney has "messed his pants" ahead of the Champion's League final showdown. England's Number one (no pun intended) has hit back on Twitter:...
It seems a group of radical, breakaway, x-treme and very real Man United supporters has abducted Barcelona superstar Lionle Messi a week before the Champions league final at Wembley. Messi had booked an Argentinian restaurant for his mum (he's a b...
Despite his side going out of the Champions League semi final at the hands of a Lionel Messi inspired Barelona side, Real Madrid manager Jose Mourinho declared his temperamental forward Christiano Ronaldo to be "the complete 21st century player and s...
Hot on the heels of his stunning performance in the 2-0 defeat of Real Madrid at the Bernabeu, Lionel Messi has shocked the world of soccer by announcing that he would like to leave the mighty Bareclona and play for one of the Old Firm clubs. The...
Arsenal boss, Arsene "I didn't see it" Wenger was this morning reported to be getting over a restless night of Messi nightmares after seeing the Gunners crash out of the Champions League courtesy of a 3-1 defeat at the Nou Camp. A brace from Messi...
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