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Funny story: New library book officially opened

New library book officially opened

After two years of planning and six months of construction, Bolton has finally got its own library book. Entitled 'Bolton's Library Book', it is a gripping account of Bolton's pioneering library book project. Five thousand potential readers have a...

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Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Librarian fined over overdue books

Isle of Wight News - Librarian fined over overdue books

Librarian, Gemma Paddlworth, of Ryde has been fined nearly three thousand pounds in late fees for overdue library books. "It's quite embarrassing," said Gemma, 34 a single mother. "I'm the only librarian at Ryde Library, so when I discovered that...

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Funny story: Public Libraries: return books on time or be shot

Public Libraries: return books on time or be shot

Police officers can now lawfully shoot those who mock the library fine system. "In some cases during the summer several thousand library books were not taken back on time throughout England. This is totally unacceptable, anti-social behavior which w...

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Funny story: Talk of Library Closure Hushed up

Talk of Library Closure Hushed up

A councillor in Epping was told to hush when the thought of shutting the local library was raised at a council meeting. Mr Entitlement from the Council takes up the story. 'There I was, minding my own business, moving onto the next item on the age...

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Funny story: Disbelief as Yorkshireman 'Puts Good Book Down' before finishing it!

Disbelief as Yorkshireman 'Puts Good Book Down' before finishing it!

Leeds: Shock, horror and disbelief as local Leeds Man Puts Good Book Down in Library. There is a saying in literary circles, that if you put a good book down before finishing it, 'Then yer a bastard"!! Unfortunately for one man, the act of putting...

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Funny story: Buckinghamshire library emptied in cuts protest

Buckinghamshire library emptied in cuts protest

The BBC reports: Library-users have emptied a town's library of books in protest against plans to close it down. People have taken their maximum allowance of books from Stony Stratford library, Milton Keynes - clearing all 16,000 volumes. DSF,...

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Funny story: The English local library with no books to lend

The English local library with no books to lend

UK minister for Local Government has been left holding his head in his hands. The Right Honourable, Eric Pickles is in a real pickle today. Residents of Stony Stratford, near Milton Keynes, Buckinghamshire have emptied their local library of all 1...

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Funny story: Libraries rebranded as a lo-tec Kindle

Libraries rebranded as a lo-tec Kindle

The British Libraries Association have undergone a major re-branding to compete head to head with Amazon's Kindle. "It's a major initiative," said Rowena Reddalot, High Priestess of Librarians. "Kindle's marketing policy is to highlight their posi...

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Funny story: Old man asks local library for a face book

Old man asks local library for a face book

In local news, an old man has befuddled the local library by requesting a book about face, "I have been reading about it a lot in the paper recently" said the perplexed pensioner "I don't really know what a face book is, but what with that new film o...

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Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Ventnor Library to Close

Isle of Wight News - Ventnor Library to Close

Ventnor library has been suffering with a general decline in visitors over the past year, and the local council have made the reluctant decision to close it. "In 1999 reading rates were at their highest since records began," said councillor Helmut...

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Funny story: Booze for Books

Booze for Books

Cowpoke News in Bijou, Montana. Named after a theater somewhere, Bijou doesn't have a ten-plex or even a one-plex. Bijou does however have a huge library, rivaling many a large city, which was built thanks to a local rancher, Bill Bunch. Bunch...

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Funny story: Derek Acorah in library trouble

Derek Acorah in library trouble

Internationally acclaimed psychic sensation, Derek Acorah was arrested yesterday outside his home in Scarisnrick, Southport. Acorah, sixty-two, has persistently ignored reminders from Southport library to return three overdue library books. In 200...

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Funny story: For over 200 years President George Washington has owed $300,000 in fines for failing to return 2 library books

For over 200 years President George Washington has owed $300,000 in fines for failing to return 2 library books

NEW YORK: In 1934 a dusty, beaten-up ledger was found in a trash heap in the basement of the New York Society Library on E 79th St. Information revealed that on 5 October 1789 the Nation's first President had borrowed 2 books - the "Law of Nation...

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Funny story: Bodleian Library To Become A Public Convenience

Bodleian Library To Become A Public Convenience

The Bodleian Library-the main research library of Oxford University and one of the oldest libraries in Europe-is to become a public convenience. The news has angered scholars, who argue that a place of learning should not become a place of toilet fun...

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Funny story: Britain's First Strip Library To Open In Grays, Essex

Britain's First Strip Library To Open In Grays, Essex

A strip library is to open in Grays, Essex. The innovation is the brainchild of local businessman and keen reader, Stig O'Treacy. "I wanted somewhere for the discerning gentleman to be able to read and enjoy seeing naked librarians. It just seemed li...

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Funny story: Alphabetical Order! Order!

Alphabetical Order! Order!

Klaus Enuff, a maverick linguist from the University of Carumba has come up with a radical solution to the age old complaint of the computer keyboard not being in alphabetical order. "Tis simples, yes?" said Enuff, mimicking Aleksandr the meerkat...

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Funny story: Librarian Blames Bad Economy on Unpaid Fines

Librarian Blames Bad Economy on Unpaid Fines

Sandra Beckle, Head Librarian at the Clinton Williams Library, says that the downfall of the economy can be directly traced to unpaid book fines, a financial staple for libraries. "We need people to pay their fines for the good of the economy. T...

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