(Original saying) I think, therefore I am. ( Updated saying) I stink, therefore I am pretty sure I still exist. That which does not kill us makes us stronger. That which does not kill us makes us really careful to avoid it the next time.
The Mike Diamond "smell good" plumbers radio commercial in Southern California begins with a call from a potential customer: "Why won't a plumber tell me the cost of unplugging my sewer over the phone?" His answer: "$99." Well, if he could unplug it…
Grandmother Valerie Jones is shocked to say that she used the word sleeps when talking to her grandson Toby. Toby, 4, was talking about what is happening on Wednesday, and when it was when Valerie committed the faux pas of saying it was 'only two…
Sometime a sentence can mean exactly the opposite of what the speaker or writer intended. That's due in part to conflicting meanings that many words have or the way the sentence is phrased. Here are some prime examples: On the last day of the se…
HARRISBURG, Pennsylvania - (Satire News) - The Pennsylvania Senate has voted to outlaw the use of the word “Pussy,” after hundreds of evangelicals, old fogies, sticks-in-the-mud, and old maids demanded the word be banned. One old maid, 79-year-ol…
Following England's footballing defeat at the hands of Italy, a number of politicians and celebrities have jumped in saying that there is absolutely no need to abuse the players. Despite having a track record of saying things that are off-colour,…
Retire the word journey. Please. Everything today is referred to as a journey. It isn’t. Surviving Covid-19 is not a journey. It’s survival. Going to the grocery store to purchase cat food is not a journey, it’s going to the grocery store. A fligh…
The earnest and slightly lunatic young scholars of Brandeis University have published an annotated list of “oppressive” and “offensive” words that will be banned on campus and in all student communications media. This list, the student publication no…
BROOKLYN – (Satire News) – Tittle Tattle Tonight reporter Pico de Gallo recently sat down with Goombalini crime family boss Salvatore Goombalini at a Pompous Pizza Parlor in Brooklyn. The two, who go way back to the days of the infamous Big Apple…
There was a storm in a teacup on an online satirical news website earlier this month, over the spelling of three similarly-sounding words landed one writer in a huge pickle, and an editor having to explain things to him in a schoolteacherly way. T…
A man who read of a possible change in the way words in the English language are spelt, has told of how he dreamt up another similar scheme after spending yesterday afternoon listening to the Jamaican reggae poet, Linton Kwesi Johnson. A story on…
Citing a legacy of colonial oppression, Yale University announced on Friday, that use of the English language will no longer be permitted on campus, effective July 1st. Other languages will also be affected. Spanish and French are right out. Due t...
Granted, humans may have stopped evolving, but not language! Ever fluid, in this, the lockdown era, words and phrases have continued to morph and metastasize in ways that would have been nearly impossible to predict only months ago. Don’t be left...
TEN THINGS TO DO WHILE SHELTERING-IN-PLACE 1. Learn how to play an unusual instrument (like the accordion, the glockenspiel, or the vuvuzela). 2. Tell your kids that you are all going to learn a second language (Mandarin Chinese, Mescalero Apac...
Young children in Thailand have been warned that their parents are irresponsible, and should be carefully watched. The news comes after a man who used to reside in the country revealed a photograph that he had taken of a sign at the swimming pool...
The government has announced plans to look at changing all UK placenames that have a 'foreign sound', to something a little bit more English. The move comes just two weeks after Brexit, and is intended to appease people who think 'foreigners' stil...
The Oxford English Dictionary, the world's leading authority on something, is to take radical action by removing the letter 's' from all plural forms, and replacing it with 'z', because that's already what many people do now anyway. The move comez...
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