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Funny satire stories about Lance Armstrong

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Funny story: Lance Armstrong Named Yankees' New Cheating Coach

Lance Armstrong Named Yankees' New Cheating Coach

New York -- Looking to bounce back from being swept in the American League playoffs, the New York Yankees have named former cycling scammer Lance Armstrong as their new cheating coach. "We managed just six runs in that four-game series," said Yank...

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Funny story: Nike and Lance Armstrong get divorced after Franco-German revelations!

Nike and Lance Armstrong get divorced after Franco-German revelations!

Sport clothing giant Nike has decided to get divorced from it's former super-hero, Lance Armstrong. The relationship had become slightly strained after it was revealed that Lance really preferred wearing Adidas tight cycling pants instead because the...

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Funny story: Coastguard warns of armband slick

Coastguard warns of armband slick

The US Coastguard in California is warning people to beware of a large slick of yellow silicon rubber. This comes in the wake of the United States Anti-Doping Agency's damming report into Lance Armstrong. "People are taking their yellow armbands...

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Funny story: Lance Armstrong announces new challenge after doping charges

Lance Armstrong announces new challenge after doping charges

Seven times Tour De France winner Lance Armstrong today addressed the media for the first time since revealing he will not fight the doping charges brought against him by the USADA (US Anti-Doping Agency), and instead he will actually be cycling to t...

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Funny story: Lance Armstrong's seven Tour de France titles go on sale

Lance Armstrong's seven Tour de France titles go on sale

In a stunning announcement last Thursday, the famed cyclist Lance Armstrong said he was selling his seven Tour de France titles. The titles will go on sale next week, but they most likely won't be available to the fans. All Tour de France runner-...

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Funny story: Lance Armstrong never took drugs, just performance enhancers!

Lance Armstrong never took drugs, just performance enhancers!

Lance Armstrong has called the rumours surrounding his so-called drug taking during the Tour De France as complete and utter nonsense! But he does admit to taking perfomance enhancers before the Tour and during it too and these are certainly not drug...

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Funny story: Tour de France's Surprising Mundanity

Tour de France's Surprising Mundanity

The Tour de France sensationally passed off today with no criminal incident. Onlookers looked on with stunned amazement as no discernable sabotage or doping or any other criminality occurred. With the possible exception of Bradley Wiggins' yellow...

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Funny story: Tour de France Defines Acceptable Doping Standards for 2012

Tour de France Defines Acceptable Doping Standards for 2012

Following the latest controversy over delayed doping accusations for Spanish rider, Roberto Contador, the Tour de France announced yesterday that there would be a new set of acceptable drug usage rules posted for the 2012 international event. "Bas...

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Funny story: Lance Armstrong: "That syringe sticking out of my thigh is a fashion statement"

Lance Armstrong: "That syringe sticking out of my thigh is a fashion statement"

Austin, Texas: During what was expected to be a typical post-retirement press conference for the athlete, in which he would announce plans to compete in an ever more mediocre sporting event and blather about cancer, Lance Armstrong's day took a turn...

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Funny story: Spoof Bike Race: The Kidnapping! Chapter 5

Spoof Bike Race: The Kidnapping! Chapter 5

"Listen you blaggerts, if were to have a chance in the Tour De Pants, we have to have a strong leader here," said J.O. commanding everyone's attention, "Little A bitchy here has a nice bike, but when he hits the first Piereneese mountoon stage, he's gonna fold like a saab air bag." "What are you suggesting then?" asked Jean a little taken aback by the comments about his abilities. "I'm sayin...

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Funny story: Lance Armstrong, Rowan Atkinson and Chevy Chase to Host Pratfall Competition

Lance Armstrong, Rowan Atkinson and Chevy Chase to Host Pratfall Competition

Carrying the working title of "Falling for You", a new cable reality show will pit 16 hopefuls against each other for a prize of $100,000 and the title of "Best Physical Comedian", while Armstrong, Atkinson and Chase will act as series hosts and judg...

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Funny story: Armstrong Concedes Tour de France after Jet Fueled Suppositories Cause 3 Out of Control Crashes

Armstrong Concedes Tour de France after Jet Fueled Suppositories Cause 3 Out of Control Crashes

Lance Armstrong, 38 year old 7 time Tour de France winner conceded the race today after falling helplessly behind despite setting a new world record climbing La Ramaz at 62.5 MPH leaving the rest of the pack far in his dust. It was the decent where...

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Funny story: Lance Armstrong Will Only Pose Bare-Chested for Future Magazine Covers

Lance Armstrong Will Only Pose Bare-Chested for Future Magazine Covers

Well, Outside Magazine has gone and ruined it for the rest of the magazine-reading world. Wait, maybe they've done us a favor. By taking it upon themselves to add a message to the plain blue t-shirt Lance Armstrong wore for the cover, Outside Magazin...

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Funny story: After Tearing Biker Shorts During Race, Armstrong Told "Put That Thing In Your Pants, Lance"

After Tearing Biker Shorts During Race, Armstrong Told "Put That Thing In Your Pants, Lance"

Lance Armstrong had an accident while racing in the "Tour De Cleveland" bicycle race yesterday, resulting in the tearing of his bicycle shorts. That rip also brought some unwanted public exposure to the many time Tour De France champion. As you...

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Funny story: Lance Armstrong May Have To Return Tour De France Medals

Lance Armstrong May Have To Return Tour De France Medals

American biker Lance Armstrong may have to return his seven Tour De France medals after an exam indicated that he was in the same field as South African runner, Caster Semenya. "That's crazy", Armstrong told officials after agreeing to an exam for...

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Funny story: Lance Armstrong Fuming over Tour De France Finish

Lance Armstrong Fuming over Tour De France Finish

Paris, France - Lance Armstrong revealed today the depth of his despair in finishing third in the recently completed Tour De France. "I just can't bring myself to dismount from my bike even though the race ended last Sunday," said the seven time...

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Funny story: Hey Pistelero, There Is No "Ass" in "Astna"

Hey Pistelero, There Is No "Ass" in "Astna"

MADRID, SPAIN Seven-time Tour de France champion Lance Armstrong of America, who had criticized his Astana teammate Alberto Contador of Spain as being inexperienced earlier this year, responded on Twitter to fresh criticism leveled by Contador. C...

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