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Cook County crack addict resigns from bench

ST. ECLAIR, ILL - Michael Cook, who was caught, white-handed, cooking up smack (or maybe it was coke; details are confused in what remains of his mind), has resigned in disgrace from his position as a Cook County judge. A colleague died of a heroi...

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Compulsory brain scans for appeal court judges

From the first of April all appeal court judges will be forced to undergo compulsory brain scans to see if they really are partially brain dead. The scans are to be carried out in private clinics because the government lacks confidence in the NHS to...

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Strangler gets 10 ears

A deaf drug addict who strangled five people got away with ten ears. Al Avago was notorious for strangling his victims with the wire cords from their own ear-phones. In his defence, Avago claimed that as he was trying to get the ear-phones out o...

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Memoirs of Judge Elliphont Harding

Funny story: Memoirs of Judge Elliphont Harding

I remember Stinky a tall cadaverous looking chap with a profound limp in his vocabulary. We bedded at Cambridge together,he had a habit of wanking under a copy of Country life. Never saw him after Girton College, just sort of went our separate ways, at Winchester together you know. Some years later, I am sitting in the Dunlop Club having a snifter when who should walk in? Dear old Stinky, dr...

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The Jury is out, but the jurors are clueless

Funny story: The Jury is out, but the jurors are clueless

In an unprecedented legal quandary this week, an entire jury was deemed unfit for service and thrown out by the judge. Journalists discarded all courteous behaviour as they shoved, elbowed and kicked their way to the Court entrance in a bid to interv...

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Innocence Is No Excuse

A man who was convicted of a brutal murder twenty-five years ago was released today and he has vowed to clear his name. Mr John Ripper believes a combination of his surname, his "haunting eyes" and his inability to pronounce his "Hs" had convinced pe...

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Local man called up for Jury Disservice

A man has declined to take part in jury service after sensationally admitting he doesn't hold the British Justice System in high regard. He didn't seem to realise that nobody in the country does and people regularly take jury service purely to be nos...

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Judge Not Too Dredd Like

The Great British justice system has done it again; a man has been spared jail after burgling three houses in five days. Justice Bowers listened to how the "poor lamb" had developed a heroin problem and was merely stealing so he didn't have to work a...

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Juror Jailed After Online Research

Funny story: Juror Jailed After Online Research

British justice was shown to be the best in the world yesterday when a juror who made the mistake of doing internet research about the case she was trying was jailed for six months. Three judges at the High Court found 34-year-old psychology lectu...

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Toddler Convicted For Inciting Riot - Government Praises Tough Justice as Child Shows No Remorse

In a landmark case a judge in London has condemned a toddler, to five years hard labour for mouthing the words 'mummy riot, mummy riot' and shaking his rattle at the same time, whilst taken for a stroll by his nanny in London's wealthy enclave of No...

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Sober as a Judge

Funny story: Sober as a Judge

The perennially popular idiom "Sober as a Judge" was put under the spotlight by the Idiom Police, a lesser known division of the Literary Squad in Lincoln. "A lot of drunk people use the phrase," said Detective Charles Loche. "We need to know how...

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Journalists to defy super injunctions

Funny story: Journalists to defy super injunctions

The recent spate of super injunction gagging orders are being defied, and several journalists have decided to ignore these bits of paper obtained from injunction-issuing Justice Sue Mai-Ass, who incidentally wears a very strange wig in court and exp...

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Confectionery Thief Gets Life

Funny story: Confectionery Thief Gets Life

A man who stole a packet of Munchies from a major UK supermarket chain will spend the rest of his life behind bars. After a somewhat unnecessary twelve day trial at the Old Bailey, David Francis, 27, was said to have committed "a deliberate and t...

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Bolton Man Fined For Littering By Laying Flowers On Town Hall Steps - Claimed It Was A Tribute To The Victims Of Every Disaster That Ever Occurred

Funny story: Bolton Man Fined For Littering By Laying Flowers On Town Hall Steps - Claimed It Was A Tribute To The Victims Of Every Disaster That Ever Occurred

Bolton man, Vernon Birch (not to be confused with the one who played the wah-wah guitar on the late Isaac Hayes' 'Theme From Shaft') was fined £50 today by Bolton magistrates after placing a bunch of cheap supermarket flowers on the town hall steps,...

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The Ultimate Invention - a Threat to Civilization?

Funny story: The Ultimate Invention - a Threat to Civilization?

A new lie detector said to be accurate to within .000001 of a percent has been hailed by many in America as a major breakthrough in crime detection. Retired CIA scientist and inventor Dr. Ralph Seemore who is currently under police protection is said...

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Judge in Assault Trial Loses Plot... completely.

Funny story: Judge in Assault Trial Loses Plot... completely.

Australia: A QUEENSLAND man has described himself as "a bit of a monster" during his trial for assault outside a Melbourne strip club that left the victim critically injured. Christopher Gibbon, 28, of Brisbane, appeared at Melbourne's Crown Cour...

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Arizona Judge in Trouble

Funny story: Arizona Judge in Trouble

The Third District Court of Appeals, in Flagstaff Arizona has come under fire for some of its inhumane methods of handing out punishment. Judge Manherd Prather recently has been sentencing some offenders to what some consider "cruel and inhuman" s...

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Judges given new guidelines to avoid causing offence

Funny story: Judges given new guidelines to avoid causing offence

Judges have been given new guidelines to ensure that they do not offend people who appear before them in court. These came to light during a recent case when a judge referred to a person as a 'gypsy'. The clerk of the court produced a document and ad...

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Trump Jr. Says That He Always Wanted to Be Separated From His Parents

That's why he can't understand the consternation at the border with kids being taken from parents.
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