HELL-UPON-THAMES - Following in the footsteps of Staines, which recently re-named itself Staines-upon-Thames, Satan has declared that he will re-name Hell Hell-upon-Thames, as part of a £60 million publicity campaign to increase tourism to the region...
In a shock statement, the tenth circle of hell from Dante's "Inferno" has been named as the Northern Line at rush hour. Intended as the circle to punish commuters for trusting the British public transportation system, this horrendous site sees an...
If you think you might go to Satan's fiery place instead of Heaven when you die, you better light up your cigarette now because all of Hell is a no smoking zone. Mysterious medium Maria Duval said she was in contact with the spirit of famed Roger Vivier, an enthusiastic smoker who designed many of the popular stiletto heel styles of the 1950s. In a letter on her blog, Duval told her fans a...
A janitor at the famous Caesar's Palace Las Vegas claimed he not only saw Frank Sinatra the famous singer in a dressing room he was cleaning but had a long conversation with his ghost. A reporter from Follywood Fortnightly, LA's most prestigious variety magazine was invited to meet with the janitor. The janitor took the reporter to Frank's old dressing room and shouted; "Frank!" Out of an...
In a new program launched by the Theo-Science Department of Adam Everson University (Normal, IL), researchers were able to create a method of very tangibly speaking to those who have passed away. Done through a method derived of advanced electronic...
Laura Preston of Old Oak, Missouri, had no idea what soul-crushing deal she would be solidifying when she prompted six-year-old retriever, Roxie, for a paw last Friday night. "I always ask Roxie to shake before I take out the dry food," said Prest...
VATICAN CITY -- While admitting that he's "no scientist," Pope Francis is preparing to issue a papal encyclical (not to be confused with a Popsicle or an icicle) concerning global warming "and other celestial matters." An encyclical is a lesson of...
Heavensgate - Every morning just after sunrise, says Christopher Hitchins, he and the entire heavenly host gather with their harps and neatly folded wings at the edge of a convenient cloud. Then as they drink their coffee and enjoy the air, they laug...
HELL - The Devil is complaining that Hell is getting too full of Islamic terrorists who insist on killing innocent people that don't share their same worldview. He hung up a temporary "No Vacancy" sign outside the entrance after accepting the sou...
Two North Carolina Baptist pastors are observing President Jimmy Carter's 90th birthday by suggesting that he might go to hell for saying that Jesus wouldn't discriminate against LGBT people. Pastor David McManus accused Carter of embracing the "h...
HELL---Longtime tabloid talk show host Jerry Springer was pronounced dead from a gorilla attack on Friday, soon after beginning his Final Thought segment at the end of the show, but was eventually revived by EMTs at the scene. Friday's show, which...
Texas Gov Rick Perry said in an emotional interview today that his favorite Wal-Mart is being over-run with illegal children! "I couldn't even get to the snack bar" a frustrated Perry proclaimed "it was like Korea in there"! Concerns about the...
Responding to the growing complaints about Hell's sketchy wireless coverage, Satan issued an internal memo this week pointing out what he believes should be brutally obvious to even the most narcissistic damned - you're in Hell. The tone of the me...
HEAVEN--In an interview God held with CNN's Anderson Cooper on Sunday, He admitted that Pope Francis was right when he said, "The church no longer believes in a literal hell where people suffer. This doctrine is incompatible with the infinite love of...
"To think I kissed her (or him) there--and there--and ''there''! - Sarah Michelle Gellar Although some contend that Baphomet is a Marvel Comics super-villain, Baphomet is really the demon of parties and partygoers west of the Mississippi. As such, he (or she) is often depicted at parties in Las Vegas, Hollyweird, and various family nudist camps in Arizona and New Mexico, and some Oregonians inc...
Hell was struggling to return to normal just days after a massive storm dumped more than 3 feet of snow in much of the area. By early Sunday evening, reported power outages numbered fewer than 2,800, down from as many as 2,801 a day earlier. Most...
Ned Kelly, Irish-catholic, Australian rebel and bandit has just been buried after he lost a shoot-out with Jesse James in heaven. The whole thing started after a fight in a saloon called "Heaven and Hell Whores and Nuns". Jesse called Ned an Irish...
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