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Funny satire stories about Health and Safety

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Funny story: Steps out say authorities

Steps out say authorities

In a shock move the Health and Safety Executive has announced a ban on stairs. A spokesman said that they had been considering this move for some time and had now reached a firm conclusion. Balls House, headquarters of the Labour Party, announced...

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Funny story: Children's Swimming lessons cancelled - due to fire risk.

Children's Swimming lessons cancelled - due to fire risk.

Lessons in swimming for children up to the age of eleven have been cancelled in Dorking after a local fire safety marshal deemed the Dorking Leisure Centre swimming baths unsafe, and a fire hazard. "It is impossible to get thirty children out of t...

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Funny story: Little House On The Prairie A Death Trap Says Building Inspector

Little House On The Prairie A Death Trap Says Building Inspector

Building Inspectors in the small town of Walnut Grove, Minnesota, have called a house, built by the owner "a death trap" and that the residence needs to be demolished or brought up to code by the end of week. The house has no smoke alarms, an ope...

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Funny story: Anti-slippers are a must buy for the safety conscious

Anti-slippers are a must buy for the safety conscious

The Safety in the Home Instructional Task-force has produced its recommendations to cut down on accidents in the home. The main outcome of the five year study is that the slippers are to blame for just over half of all home based accidents. "In fi...

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Funny story: Nottingham Spoofer suffers 'Spoof Withdrawal Syndrome' - rushed to hospital!

Nottingham Spoofer suffers 'Spoof Withdrawal Syndrome' - rushed to hospital!

The Internet Health & Safety Monitoring & Investigation Unit, are looking into claims of relatives of an elderly Spoofer, Inchcock Chambers, of Nottingham, that he suffered a setback in his cardiac recovery programme, caused by the site being...

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Funny story: Nottingham Health & Safety Executive Close Down Stalls at Charity Fair

Nottingham Health & Safety Executive Close Down Stalls at Charity Fair

Nottingham Health & Safety Executive have closed stalls down at a local Charity Fair, that was being held over the weekend, in support of the Lithuanian & Bulgarian Immigrants Benefit Claiming Association Inc. The Council's Chief Executive...

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Funny story: Action Urged Over Propelling Pencil Safety

Action Urged Over Propelling Pencil Safety

Government and health officials are being urged to take action over safety issues relating to propelling pencils. The call comes after a weekend when a local man "narrowly escaped death" while trying to replace the lead in his Yard-O-Led pencil.

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Funny story: Who Wants Health & Safety?

Who Wants Health & Safety?

All red tape and bureaucracy is the target for the Government which wants to free up the business world. A shining example has come to light in the private health initiative which has been providing breast implants. Funding the cheapest possible opti...

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Funny story: Health and Safety ban bare banisters

Health and Safety ban bare banisters

After an extensive study lasting three years, the government's panel on Health and Safety in Britain have come to the conclusion that stair rails, or banisters, should not be smooth. "There was an accident in 2008," said the government's chief Hea...

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Funny story: Health and Safety Executive not happy with storage of Gaddafi's body

Health and Safety Executive not happy with storage of Gaddafi's body

The Health and Safty Executive (HSE) have issued a directive regarding the body storage of Colonel Gaddafi, the former Libyan dictator. In a directive issued to Libya's National Transitional Council, the HSE's representative in the region, Mustaph...

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Funny story: Youngsters Across EU 'Fall Down, Go Boom.' Governments Outlaw Fun, for Kids' Own Good...

Youngsters Across EU 'Fall Down, Go Boom.' Governments Outlaw Fun, for Kids' Own Good...

Something of a kerfuffle has erupted across Europe recently after little Alfie B. Chapman took a tumble during an overly competitive game of 'tag' in the back yard of friend and neighbor Deirdre E. Findlay. It seems that during a rather enthusiast...

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Funny story: EU Bans Christmas Wrapping Paper

EU Bans Christmas Wrapping Paper

Tough new regulations from Brussels coming in today aren't only to do with toy safety. They also mean that from now on it will be illegal to wrap up Christmas presents with paper. "Paper cuts can be very serious," explained a EU spokesperson. "Chi...

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Funny story: Health And Safety Brigade Criticise Carpets

Health And Safety Brigade Criticise Carpets

Under new health and safety in the home, carpets will have to be replaced in houses up and down England and Wales. Scotland is exempt due to there being no health and safety north of the border. "Carpets are one of the most dangerous items in t...

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Funny story: Man Replaces Missing Thumb with Big Toe Graft: Now Forced to Put a Sock on it!

Man Replaces Missing Thumb with Big Toe Graft: Now Forced to Put a Sock on it!

A local man who lost his thumb during a heated scrum with his local council Rugby Team, is smiling once again as after a 26 month wait a controversial operation performed under the auspices of the NHS grafted his big toe on his hand to replace the...

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Funny story: Hurricane Irene Victim Spells out "SOS" on Roof of KFC Franchise using Cockroaches

Hurricane Irene Victim Spells out "SOS" on Roof of KFC Franchise using Cockroaches

Baltimore, MA - An employee trapped in a KFC outlet flooded by hurricane Irene managed to alert officials by spelling out "SOS" on the roof of the building using drowned cockroaches. The employee, Ramone Concha, was rescued still wearing his work apr...

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Funny story: Theresa May Authorizes Water Pistols to MET Riot Control Officers: 7500 Call In Sick !

Theresa May Authorizes Water Pistols to MET Riot Control Officers: 7500 Call In Sick !

Home Secretary Theresa May appeared to anger many in London yesterday after refusing to authorize the use of water cannon as mobs continued to loot and burn down many historical sites in the city and surrounding suburbs leaving homeowners and business owners to fend for themselves. The Home Secretary denied reports she is lobbying to replace EU Rep Barrenness Arsecrass by her restrained actions...

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Funny story: Visiting Your Local Job Centre Could Kill You!

Visiting Your Local Job Centre Could Kill You!

Job Centre staff and the unemployed job seekers they serve will have to wear face masks and hygienic surgical gloves when inside the Job Centre buildings as from from September 2011. It forms just part of a whole package of new regulations being bro...

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