Port Au Pants - (Rotters): Bewildered Haitians, still in shock following the earthquake devastation of their island home, are gobsmacked. A humanitarian visit to their ravaged country by two former US Commanders-in-Chief has descended into farce.
On a visit to Haiti, ex Presidents, GW and Bill Clinton are working to a really tight schedule. Today they went walkabout and met many Haitians, shaking hands and smiling broadly. The guys, however, had a prearranged signal that said, right that's...
As cleaning up continued in Chile this morning after the weekend's earthquake, people in Haiti spoke out to tell the world that their quake was "much better" than the one in Chile. Sunday's quake, a massive 8.8 on the Richter Scale, demolished onl...
The entertainment world hung its head in shame today after US R&B singer Jason Derulo knocked the celebrity charity single recorded to help Haiti's earthquake victims off the top of the charts. Everybody Hurts, orchestrated by Simon Cowell, wa...
An almost unanimous vote by Caucasian, Oriental, and Hispanic artists has declared that the "We Are The World" remake is "the biggest piece of crap ever" (their words) and the worst waste of musical talent of all times. The song remake, which was do...
Hollywood actress Sharon Stone, once famous for being tall and blonde and tall and blonde and firing blanks from fake guns in movies, but now the world's leading climatologist and expert on seismic tremors and tectonic plates, today made a long-await...
An earthquake victim in Haiti admitted that she felt the earth move during the earthquake, but says that it was not due to a sexual encounter. Marie DuBois said something nearly incomprehensible in French, that was translated as "I felt the grou...
'Self-Publicists Make Your Ears Hurt', the song recorded to help feeble B-list faded pop stars to publicise themselves to help the tragedy that is their careers, today went straight to Number One after its organiser Simon Lithpfool went round to his...
The terrible earthquake that caused so much devastation in the central American country of Haiti last month, could have been avoided by the people there, and was, to a large extent, "their own fault", it has been claimed. Eminent professor at the...
Feeling the need to do something for the residents of earthquake-torn Haiti, The Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus have teamed up to sponsor a canned food drive for deserving families on the island nation. Both still busy on the road with concert dat...
Zombies from the UK are returning to Haiti which is a major problem for Gordon Brown as that is where Labour get their votes. Zombies the mindless creatures which are referred to as the walking dead always vote Labour. The Labour Party already loo...
Lots of talentless nobodies that rely on the media to be famous and to sell their 'music' to the public today announced they were going to inflict a version of the REM song 'Nobodies Hurt Our Ears' on the public in aid of their own self-publicity. Th...
There's an old Haitian proverb: "Behind the mountains, there are mountains." Behind those mountains are smaller mountains. Behind those smaller mountains is an enclosure. And behind that enclosure is a tropical paradise rented out to a Caribbean crui...
After the High Frequency Active Aural Research Program's earthquake weapon test went terribly wrong (or right as some have suggested), the Haiti military have set out to destroy the secret military testing base in Alaska to stop further earthquake at...
Haitian after-quakes have struck Liege Belgium, causing the collapse of an apartment block in the middle of the city. The authorities there measured force 7 on the Richter scale as the apartment block just disintegrated. Belgian Seismologists w...
Port-Au-Prince - (Gonads): UN disaster workers have unearthed Barack Obama's original birth certificate in the ruins of Haiti's presidential palace. His DNA mother Mary Jo Kopechne fled there to give birth after the baby's father, the Reverend Jes...
Afghanistan - Al Jazeera has produced a voice recording reported to be the voice of Osama Bin Laden exhorting advances made by Al Qaeda globally, in particular the development of their latest suicide weapon, the earthquake machine, which Bin Laden sa...
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