An earthquake victim in Haiti admitted that she felt the earth move during the earthquake, but says that it was not due to a sexual encounter. Marie DuBois said something nearly incomprehensible in French, that was translated as "I felt the grou...
'Self-Publicists Make Your Ears Hurt', the song recorded to help feeble B-list faded pop stars to publicise themselves to help the tragedy that is their careers, today went straight to Number One after its organiser Simon Lithpfool went round to his...
The terrible earthquake that caused so much devastation in the central American country of Haiti last month, could have been avoided by the people there, and was, to a large extent, "their own fault", it has been claimed. Eminent professor at the...
Feeling the need to do something for the residents of earthquake-torn Haiti, The Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus have teamed up to sponsor a canned food drive for deserving families on the island nation. Both still busy on the road with concert dat...
Zombies from the UK are returning to Haiti which is a major problem for Gordon Brown as that is where Labour get their votes. Zombies the mindless creatures which are referred to as the walking dead always vote Labour. The Labour Party already loo...
Lots of talentless nobodies that rely on the media to be famous and to sell their 'music' to the public today announced they were going to inflict a version of the REM song 'Nobodies Hurt Our Ears' on the public in aid of their own self-publicity. Th...
There's an old Haitian proverb: "Behind the mountains, there are mountains." Behind those mountains are smaller mountains. Behind those smaller mountains is an enclosure. And behind that enclosure is a tropical paradise rented out to a Caribbean crui...
After the High Frequency Active Aural Research Program's earthquake weapon test went terribly wrong (or right as some have suggested), the Haiti military have set out to destroy the secret military testing base in Alaska to stop further earthquake at...
Haitian after-quakes have struck Liege Belgium, causing the collapse of an apartment block in the middle of the city. The authorities there measured force 7 on the Richter scale as the apartment block just disintegrated. Belgian Seismologists w...
Port-Au-Prince - (Gonads): UN disaster workers have unearthed Barack Obama's original birth certificate in the ruins of Haiti's presidential palace. His DNA mother Mary Jo Kopechne fled there to give birth after the baby's father, the Reverend Jes...
Afghanistan - Al Jazeera has produced a voice recording reported to be the voice of Osama Bin Laden exhorting advances made by Al Qaeda globally, in particular the development of their latest suicide weapon, the earthquake machine, which Bin Laden sa...
"We knew coming into Haiti that providing aid would definitely be a delicate balance and we seem to have overshot our mark." "The sudden explosion in aid has been overwhelming and for that generosity we thank everybody, especially George Clooney, Chris Martin and Coldplay." "When we first came to Haiti it was one of the most horrific disasters we have ever encountered however thanks to the m...
An expert in such things has concluded that the Haitian earthquake which devastated the Caribbean country was as a result of Mother Nature not taking too kindly to the inhabitants dislike of her favourite drink. "If they had have named the country...
The new television series of Freaky Eaters is to feature a 24 year old man from Haiti who was found alive in the rubble of the Napoli Inn Hotel eleven days after the Haiti earthquake. Wismond Exantus smiling and in very good condition was brought...
(Port-au-Prince-Haiti) Former Presidential candidate and husband of the year John Edwards went to the earthquake shattered country of Haiti with a group of 25 people, including doctors, to "help in whatever we can", which was the statement released b...
PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti - Senator John Edwards, hot off of his admittance that he is in fact little Quinn's biological father, has arrived in Haiti's capital city to help in fund-raising proceedings. Raul P. Escritor, a representative for the Haitia...
In a dramatic announcement from the BNP (the British Nutty People and nothing to do with any political party that may have the same acronym), spokesman Nicholas Griffin (no relation to any political party leader), revealed that Desmond Hitler, son an...
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