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Funny satire stories about Genetics

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Funny story: Winkileaks: Ears of Prince Charles and Barry Obama "Not a Coincidence!"

Winkileaks: Ears of Prince Charles and Barry Obama "Not a Coincidence!"

The latest bombshell from Winkileaks reveals never before seen documents linking the lineage of US President Barry Obama and Prince Charles thanks to state of the art laboratory DNA profiling and ear analysis in the government funded sterile mouse...

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Funny story: Experts confirm "lembit opik" species facing extinction after last surviving member ponders survivalist challenge

Experts confirm "lembit opik" species facing extinction after last surviving member ponders survivalist challenge

LONDON, UK: At a Human Survival conference held here yesterday, anthropologists and paleontologists alike confirmed the potential extinction of yet another species. Despite a rare sighting of possibly the last surviving member of the tribe, experts...

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Funny story: Biologists Create New Species of Insect Eating Beetle

Biologists Create New Species of Insect Eating Beetle

Announced at a press conference in Bern, Switzerland this morning, a joint effort between Universitätsleitung Seniorenuniversität at Bern, and HNE Eberswalde University in Brandenburg, Germany has yielded a new species of insect eating beetle that ta...

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Funny story: French genital fingerprinting scheme sees photocopier sales sore (sic)

French genital fingerprinting scheme sees photocopier sales sore (sic)

Paris, France - (Ass Mess): An announcement by France's interior minister recommending new police identification procedures has seen photocopier manufacturers' shares rocket. Brice Hortefeux said today a new plan to combat digital fingerprinting p...

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Funny story: "Pear-shaped" Genes Uncovered

"Pear-shaped" Genes Uncovered

Parts of our DNA that influence body shape - including the classic "apple" or "pear" shapes in women - have been revealed by scientists. Using super-powerful electron microscopes, the boffins have identified the 13 genes - which seem to have a gre...

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Funny story: Geneticists develop puppy without poo

Geneticists develop puppy without poo

Most people agree that a bouncing and blundering puppy is about as cute as animals gets - except for the smelly downside - number twos. For their size, puppies burn an inordinate amount of energy - spending most of the day chewing anything with co...

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Funny story: Rush Limbaugh's Genome Mapped

Rush Limbaugh's Genome Mapped

J. Craig Venter, founder of The Institute for Genomic Research, announced that Rush Limbaugh's genome has been sequenced. In what Venter describes as an "atypical genome," Limbaugh was shown to have only 11,000 genes, roughly one-third that of humans...

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Funny story: Noted Obstetrician Claims Technology Available to Make Androgynous Babies

Noted Obstetrician Claims Technology Available to Make Androgynous Babies

Budapest, Hungary - A noted Hungarian obstetrician, Dr. Uri Legonalaff has devoted his life to studying obstetric genetics in order to perfect a test that would allow women to know within the first few weeks of pregnancy what the sex of their child i...

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Funny story: Sex keeps women sane

Sex keeps women sane

After comparing the genomes of more than three women, Eyam Bonquers of the Paris Institute for Science and Baloney has found a gene on the X-Chromosome that is suppressed during sex. Although the study is in the preliminary stages, it would appear th...

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Funny story: Prehistoric Hairs Found In Cretaceous Amber Will Enable Scientists To Recreate Dinosaurs

Prehistoric Hairs Found In Cretaceous Amber Will Enable Scientists To Recreate Dinosaurs

Palaeontologists in France have discovered two mammal hairs encased in 100 million-year-old amber. The hairs, found alongside a fly pupa in amber uncovered in southwest France, are similar to hair found on modern-day mammals, and it's thought that...

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Funny story: Mouse genitals grown on human forearm

Mouse genitals grown on human forearm

Following in the footsteps of the recent tissue-engineering breakthrough where a human ear was successfully grown on the back of a mouse, scientists at one of the US' leading Bio-Medical institutions have flipped the process entirely to grow mouse or...

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Funny story: Geneticist Synthetically Recreates Stephen Hawking's DNA

Geneticist Synthetically Recreates Stephen Hawking's DNA

A well-known geneticist has created DNA identical to that of Stephen Hawking, and claims that when injected into specially prepared bacteria cells, the synthetic organism will be capable of building a time machine. Said the scientist, "This is the...

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Funny story: Long-elastic-curved Carrot

Long-elastic-curved Carrot

We have all probably heard the news announced by J. Craig Venter Institute, May 20, ‎‎2010, on creation of the first synthetic cell. ‎ Looks like Frankenstein, a novel by Mary Shelley, is taking a new evolutionally turn. Of ‎course, we do admire the robots which can defuse road bombs, and, if the system is ‎running short of dead bodies as fake drivers of vehicles employed in suicide bombing, ‎t...

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Funny story: Scientists make 'artificial life'

Scientists make 'artificial life'

Scientists in the US have succeeded in developing the first synthetic living cell. The researchers copied an existing bacterial genome. They sequenced its genetic code and then used "synthesis machines" to chemically construct a copy. Affectionat...

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Funny story: Gene sequencing goes viral

Gene sequencing goes viral

Seattle's prodigy inventor Bart S. Sampson announced today his process of etching microscopic robots that reassemble DNA in situ. "That book my mom made me read about some dog swallowing an invading space armada got me thinking about microscopic a...

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Funny story: New genetically modified corn tastes like shit

New genetically modified corn tastes like shit

USDA was horrified to learn the taste-test results of over 400 volunteer tasters who participated in a modified corn cook off last weekend in Heart, Kansas. Mildred Hogg, a 56 year old Kansas farmwife, had this to say about sample A217, "That sure...

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Funny story: Archbishop Tutu in Gnome Health Study

Archbishop Tutu in Gnome Health Study

Scientists have analysed the gnomes of five South Africans, including Archbishop Desmond Tutu, to study their genetic diversity and health. The study, published in the magazine Fishing Rod, compared the genes of the Archbishop's garden gnomes with...

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