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Funny satire stories about Funeral

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Funny story: Local Man Describes Meeting With Funeral Director

Local Man Describes Meeting With Funeral Director

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, still in a state of mourning following the death of his father last week, today described how he visited a funeral director in order to make arrangements for the impending cremation. "I went to the registraer's office yesterday to register the death," Shuttlecock said. "They give you a green sheet which confirms certification of death, and grants legal permission...

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Funny story: Funeral Reawakening strikes fear into those nearest to us

Funeral Reawakening strikes fear into those nearest to us

A funeral in Brazil was held up as a woman claimed the corpse had squeezed her hand. Maria Neymar Ronaldo Cesar said: "I leant in to say goodbye to Grandmamma and she squeezed my hand. I shouted for them to switch the furnace off and we called a a...

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Funny story: Quentin Kelp MP - My Funeral Arrangements

Quentin Kelp MP - My Funeral Arrangements

Dear Constituents I have had a hectic but very depressing few days that has left me questioning my policy towards a certain subject that I normally try not to contemplate - death. I'm sorry to sound morbid first thing on a morning but I need to share some most private thoughts with you so please don't forward this email without my permission. I wouldn't want any old Tom, Dick or Harry thinki...

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Funny story: Funeral homes: the new Starbucks

Funeral homes: the new Starbucks

In the midst of dwindling sales at home and stiff competition from other coffee shop chains, Starbucks management have recently turned to growth regions such as Asia to open up new stores while closing several existing shops in North America and Euro...

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Funny story: Funeral Directors in York chase down Coffin Dodgers

Funeral Directors in York chase down Coffin Dodgers

Due to shortage of new business, Funerals Directors in York have been seen "chasing down" the elderly. One survivor Beryl Chestnut, 84, of Gusset Close spoke of their actions... "I was just planning to visit my sister, who only lives 184 yards...

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Funny story: Dead Junkie Snarls Traffic In Newark, NJ

Dead Junkie Snarls Traffic In Newark, NJ

Those who are compelled to drive through the streets of Newark, whether to go to work, buy cheap meth, or --God forbid-- go home will find traffic ground hopelessly to a halt, this is in the wake of a funeral for a known drug abuser who died last wee...

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Funny story: No state funeral as Mrs Thatcher 'vows to go private'

No state funeral as Mrs Thatcher 'vows to go private'

London - A Sellafield recycling dump has been earmarked for scattering the horrid harridan's ashes in an updated funeral plan released today. Austere economic times have crushed Tory dreams of a state send-off with a a low profile toasting at Gold...

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Funny story: Senior citizens stoned after ingesting pot brownies, hauled off to hospital for no good reason

Senior citizens stoned after ingesting pot brownies, hauled off to hospital for no good reason

HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif.--Three senior citizens attending a funeral reception sampled brownies that they'd never forget--or perhaps they have forgotten actually. Among the ingredients used in the brownies: medicinal marijuana. According to sources...

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Funny story: Golders Green Crematorium send-off for Amy on Tuesday

Golders Green Crematorium send-off for Amy on Tuesday

London - The Crem-de-la-Creme of the entertainment industry's famous farewell venues will host tomorrow's final goodbye to North London diva Amy Winehouse. The Italianate-style Hoop Lane, NW11 facility has seen off Britain's finest including showb...

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Funny story: Sources Reveal That Burial At Sea For Osama Bin Laden Required A Huge Toilet

Sources Reveal That Burial At Sea For Osama Bin Laden Required A Huge Toilet

Osama Bin Laden, who was shot and killed in his Pakistan compound on May 1st, was buried at sea by U.S. Forces. This was done in accordance with Moslem tradition that burial take place within 24 hours. Bin Laden was killed by a bullet to the head i...

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Funny story: Celebrants and Organizers Cannot Decide On Theme Song For Osama Bin Laden Funeral

Celebrants and Organizers Cannot Decide On Theme Song For Osama Bin Laden Funeral

Celebrants and organizers cannot decide on the proper funeral song for the funeral of Osama Bin Laden. While such things as the flower choice were obvious (poppies, because of the opium), the music is still causing great debate. Apparently, the a...

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Funny story: Funeral parlour protest as billboard advertising hunting zombies is stuck on their wall!

Funeral parlour protest as billboard advertising hunting zombies is stuck on their wall!

A UK funeral parlour has vehemently protested over an advertising company sticking a billboard on their wall advertising a popular TV series about hunting zombies! The funeral parlour director, Damian Deadend (name changed for legal reasons), to...

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Funny story: Jack LaLanne's body "will be juiced" states wife

Jack LaLanne's body "will be juiced" states wife

A decision has finally been made on how to dispose of the body of fitness guru Jack LaLanne following his death in January. Two months on, and after complaints from the mortuary that the ageing corpse was beginning to "reek of rotten apples", Jac...

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Funny story: Fantastic cost cutting proposal

Fantastic cost cutting proposal

A north east business man has a brilliant idea how beat the burgeoning cost of funerals. What Nicholas Cadaver jr is proposing is not a new idea, quite the contrary having been used by the seafaring community for many millenia...You have guessed it,...

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Funny story: Walmart to Offer Funeral Home Services

Walmart to Offer Funeral Home Services

Special to INS - Beginning next week, Walmart will offer funeral home services at 225 of its Supercenters. The Walmart slogan, "Save money. Live better," will be altered at these locations to "Save money. Die stiffer." Its motto "Always Low Price...

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Funny story: Grave Problem for Funeral Directors

Grave Problem for Funeral Directors

Severus Slice, Vice President of the assembled Funeral Directors at their Annual Conference in Hull, had grim news for his audience. 'People are going to be living far too long,' he advised the worried throng. 'Some of us are bound to go under. I...

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Funny story: Leslie Nielsen has Last Laugh from the Grave

Leslie Nielsen has Last Laugh from the Grave

[Ft. Lauderdale, Fla.] Leslie Nielsen, the comic actor best known for his roles in Airplane! and The Naked Gun, who passed away last week, saved his funniest jokes for friends and mourners at his funeral today. Halfway through the funeral service,...

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