The 2013 Virgin London Marathon due to be run this Sunday has been cancelled at short notice. The event which raises millions of pounds for charity as well as being a showcase for top international athletes has fallen victim to a lack of available po...
Lady Thatcher will not be buried in the foreseeable future minister's claim. Several noted undertakers have been contracted but have returned the body without explanation. A countrywide search has been made to find a funeral service willing to...
A local man has threatened to respond to what he described as "the ultimate insult" by performing in a You Tube skit - impersonating his own brother. And making him look a right 'twat'. Martin Shuttlecock, a dashingly handsome and pioneering satir...
A speed trap captured a hearse doing a very nippy 107 mph along a dual carriageway near Slough. Traffic wardens had spotted it earlier doing 50mph along a street with 'Dead Slow' signs. When stopped and questioned by police officers, the driver of...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, still in a state of mourning following the death of his father last week, today described how he visited a funeral director in order to make arrangements for the impending cremation. "I went to the registraer's office yesterday to register the death," Shuttlecock said. "They give you a green sheet which confirms certification of death, and grants legal permission...
A funeral in Brazil was held up as a woman claimed the corpse had squeezed her hand. Maria Neymar Ronaldo Cesar said: "I leant in to say goodbye to Grandmamma and she squeezed my hand. I shouted for them to switch the furnace off and we called a a...
Dear Constituents I have had a hectic but very depressing few days that has left me questioning my policy towards a certain subject that I normally try not to contemplate - death. I'm sorry to sound morbid first thing on a morning but I need to share some most private thoughts with you so please don't forward this email without my permission. I wouldn't want any old Tom, Dick or Harry thinki...
In the midst of dwindling sales at home and stiff competition from other coffee shop chains, Starbucks management have recently turned to growth regions such as Asia to open up new stores while closing several existing shops in North America and Euro...
Those who are compelled to drive through the streets of Newark, whether to go to work, buy cheap meth, or --God forbid-- go home will find traffic ground hopelessly to a halt, this is in the wake of a funeral for a known drug abuser who died last wee...
London - A Sellafield recycling dump has been earmarked for scattering the horrid harridan's ashes in an updated funeral plan released today. Austere economic times have crushed Tory dreams of a state send-off with a a low profile toasting at Gold...
HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif.--Three senior citizens attending a funeral reception sampled brownies that they'd never forget--or perhaps they have forgotten actually. Among the ingredients used in the brownies: medicinal marijuana. According to sources...
London - The Crem-de-la-Creme of the entertainment industry's famous farewell venues will host tomorrow's final goodbye to North London diva Amy Winehouse. The Italianate-style Hoop Lane, NW11 facility has seen off Britain's finest including showb...
Osama Bin Laden, who was shot and killed in his Pakistan compound on May 1st, was buried at sea by U.S. Forces. This was done in accordance with Moslem tradition that burial take place within 24 hours. Bin Laden was killed by a bullet to the head i...
Celebrants and organizers cannot decide on the proper funeral song for the funeral of Osama Bin Laden. While such things as the flower choice were obvious (poppies, because of the opium), the music is still causing great debate. Apparently, the a...
A UK funeral parlour has vehemently protested over an advertising company sticking a billboard on their wall advertising a popular TV series about hunting zombies! The funeral parlour director, Damian Deadend (name changed for legal reasons), to...
A decision has finally been made on how to dispose of the body of fitness guru Jack LaLanne following his death in January. Two months on, and after complaints from the mortuary that the ageing corpse was beginning to "reek of rotten apples", Jac...
A north east business man has a brilliant idea how beat the burgeoning cost of funerals. What Nicholas Cadaver jr is proposing is not a new idea, quite the contrary having been used by the seafaring community for many millenia...You have guessed it,...
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