Washington DC - My source, a.k.a. Bill, in the IRS, jubilant over the averted government shutdown, revealed to me after five Black Russians, that the IRS will start taxing Americans on the 'beneficial' radiation that they are subjected too as a resul...
Fukushima - TEPCO workers have finally stopped the leaks at the Fukushima reactor site, thanks to Ronald Cole, automotive expert. According to the foreman on the night shift this evening, Mr. Isukasumo, it was thanks to a magazine article that advis...
Egg Harbor, N.J. - A Mr. Ronald Cole, of Egg Harbor, walked into our news room today and announced that he had the solution to stop the leak at Fukushima. "They'll never stop it with the diapers and bath salts they've been using. You can bet your bippy on that one," Ron laughed at me, sucking on his pipe. When I asked Ron what he would do he told me it was simple. "It's simple, chief.
Fukushima - According to an anonymous source working at the reactor, known only as Terryachyshumo Gansakifushimi, Tokyo Electric Power is resorting to ridicules measures to block a cracked reactor here. Tepco is flushing into this leak: * Sty...
Fukushima - Live dispatch from the scene - The very early morning darkness of Fukushima is pierced by a huge flashing blue light emanating from the interior of a melted-down reactor, lying in shambles. In the background can be heard the roar of...
Evolutionists are today celebrating, after the discovery of a brand new species of aquatic life. The discovery was made by a local fisherman off the coast of Japan, right next to the tragic Fukushima Nuclear Plant. He told reporters "I knew as s...
Japan was temporarily evacuated yesterday afternon after experts working at the stricken Fukushima Die Itchy power plant accidentally reported that radiation levels outside the plant were 10 million times higher than government safety levels. Air...
Tokyo - Feral geigers were spotted by Ms. Yukurtanklingashi of 30024E 3256th St in Tokyo early this morning. Geigers are not usually visible as they are so small. According to Ms. Yukurtanklingashi, these geigers were the size of cats but glowing g...
Tokyo - According to local police, a thirsty toddler's parents were shrunken by thirteen neutron beams emanating from the crippled, yet increasingly active reactor number three of Fukushima. According to officer Fukukufukud of Tokyo, astonished ne...
I'm here at the physics department of the Walmington-on-sea university of applied technology and mobile library to get a professional assessment of the state of the nuclear reactors in Fukushima. I asked Prof George Mainwaring, head of the atomic energy research section of the library what his thoughts were on the condition of the Fukushima Dai- ichi power plant. Before Prof Mainwaring coul...
In spite of reassurances that nuclear plants are completely safe, some panicky citizens continue to fear nuclear disaster. As talk show host Rush Limbaugh put it on his radio program, "Barack Obama showed what a wuss he is by ordering a Federal R...
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