A decision has finally been made on how to dispose of the body of fitness guru Jack LaLanne following his death in January. Two months on, and after complaints from the mortuary that the ageing corpse was beginning to "reek of rotten apples", Jac...
A recent survey carried out by Girl Play magazine has revealed a liking of fruit and vegetables as sex toys among sexually active and adventurous women. "The most popular vegetable was the carrot," said magazine editor, Andrea Fuller. "Women repor...
Nutritionists working for the Government's Ministry of Health and Safety have announced that the current recommendation of five portions of fruit and veg a day is not enough and it should be raised to eight or nine a day. "We have found that a dec...
A recent study from nutritionists at the University of Newcastle has shown that a cup of Blueberries every day stops senility in its tracks. Even a very small cup, say doll house sized. Violet Beauregarde, who led the study, initially bred mice th...
In a novel twist on the mainland stories of banks held up by a banana, Turley's Greengrocers in Shanklin was held up on Tuesday by a man waving a menacing wad of cash. "I was proper scared," said greengrover, Hurley Turley, 49 of Shanklin. "He cam...
The Church of England has ordained a lemon in a bid to make officiating at funerals easier. Whilst the move is unusual, the lemon is not thought to be the first fruit to be ordained by the church. Bishop Ray Kiddiefiddler said "These days funerals...
Chinese Zionist Fruit subversion assaults Tehran citizens undermining homophobic Iranian family values. Citizens all over Tehran were made temporarily gay after eating Jaffa Sweetie's labelled as product of Israel. A local fruit gobbler noticed...
ST. PAUL - In a repeat of the contentious battle for ballots between Norm Coleman and Al Franken for a Senate seat, Minnesotans have split once more. The initial tally of votes was so close that it triggered an automatic recount. Out of some 3 mi...
The days of picking up Oranges, Banana's, apples and other soft fruit from your bowl only to discover that they are rotten and mouldy underneath will soon be gone. Scientists at the Laboratory of Food Technology and Engineering in Ghent, Brussels...
In a hastely called press conference, Raul Mendoza - a spokesperson for the US Executive Office of Fresh Del Monte Products made the following statement. "There is absolutely no truth in alergations that the Ilinois State Governor has approached t...
GENEVA - The anonymous committee ruling the World Trade Organization Sunday announced it was taking steps to improve the taste and uptake of fruit. Citing the global economic troubles, the committee decided it was time all fruits were made to tast...
To give Neil Kinnock his due, he has worked tirelessly on behalf of British farmers for the past twenty years to overturn the EU directive that disallows the sale of knobbly carrots and bent cucumbers. Since the introduction of EU Directive 1677/8...
According to a ground breaking study that will be published in the Lancet this month a group of amateur scientists have stumbled upon what they claim to be the fruit gene. This news, if corroborated, will rock the world of fruit and vegetables to...
Toronto - 42 year old Wilbert Roscoe got his head thumped this week while shopping for watermelons at Kensington Market. Mr. Taylor who is heavy set and bald was leaning over a bin of seedless watermelons and was thumping them for freshness when anot...
Following the sudden loss of popularity of the humble orange, due to the fact that it's harder to peel than a tangerine, scientists have been working round the clock to get it back on menu's all over the World. It was discovered that kids today s...
Have you ever picked up a banana and considered the possibility that it might be evil? not unless you are below ten!...
A Durham man was attacked this evening by a locovore when he got in the locovore's way while it was grazing at a Whole Food's salad bar on Todd Street. Peter Hardwick was serving himself when a man identified as a locovore came out of the cor...
Get Spoof News in your email inbox!
We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.
