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Funny satire stories about Fruit

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Funny story: Jack LaLanne's body "will be juiced" states wife

Jack LaLanne's body "will be juiced" states wife

A decision has finally been made on how to dispose of the body of fitness guru Jack LaLanne following his death in January. Two months on, and after complaints from the mortuary that the ageing corpse was beginning to "reek of rotten apples", Jac...

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Funny story: Fruit and Vegetable sex toys

Fruit and Vegetable sex toys

A recent survey carried out by Girl Play magazine has revealed a liking of fruit and vegetables as sex toys among sexually active and adventurous women. "The most popular vegetable was the carrot," said magazine editor, Andrea Fuller. "Women repor...

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Funny story: Five a day is not enough

Five a day is not enough

Nutritionists working for the Government's Ministry of Health and Safety have announced that the current recommendation of five portions of fruit and veg a day is not enough and it should be raised to eight or nine a day. "We have found that a dec...

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Funny story: Blueberry diet stops senility

Blueberry diet stops senility

A recent study from nutritionists at the University of Newcastle has shown that a cup of Blueberries every day stops senility in its tracks. Even a very small cup, say doll house sized. Violet Beauregarde, who led the study, initially bred mice th...

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Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Greengrocers held up

Isle of Wight News - Greengrocers held up

In a novel twist on the mainland stories of banks held up by a banana, Turley's Greengrocers in Shanklin was held up on Tuesday by a man waving a menacing wad of cash. "I was proper scared," said greengrover, Hurley Turley, 49 of Shanklin. "He cam...

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Funny story: Church Of England Ordains Lemon

Church Of England Ordains Lemon

The Church of England has ordained a lemon in a bid to make officiating at funerals easier. Whilst the move is unusual, the lemon is not thought to be the first fruit to be ordained by the church. Bishop Ray Kiddiefiddler said "These days funerals...

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Funny story: Zionist Fruit Infiltrates Tehran

Zionist Fruit Infiltrates Tehran

Chinese Zionist Fruit subversion assaults Tehran citizens undermining homophobic Iranian family values. Citizens all over Tehran were made temporarily gay after eating Jaffa Sweetie's labelled as product of Israel. A local fruit gobbler noticed...

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Funny story: Minnesota Divided over State Fruit

Minnesota Divided over State Fruit

ST. PAUL - In a repeat of the contentious battle for ballots between Norm Coleman and Al Franken for a Senate seat, Minnesotans have split once more. The initial tally of votes was so close that it triggered an automatic recount. Out of some 3 mi...

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Funny story: Can't tell your Plums from your Nuts Madam?

Can't tell your Plums from your Nuts Madam?

The days of picking up Oranges, Banana's, apples and other soft fruit from your bowl only to discover that they are rotten and mouldy underneath will soon be gone. Scientists at the Laboratory of Food Technology and Engineering in Ghent, Brussels...

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Funny story: Tin Peaches Mentioned in new Slur on Gov. Blagojevich

Tin Peaches Mentioned in new Slur on Gov. Blagojevich

In a hastely called press conference, Raul Mendoza - a spokesperson for the US Executive Office of Fresh Del Monte Products made the following statement. "There is absolutely no truth in alergations that the Ilinois State Governor has approached t...

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Funny story: Aspartame to Enhance all Fruits' Flavors

Aspartame to Enhance all Fruits' Flavors

GENEVA - The anonymous committee ruling the World Trade Organization Sunday announced it was taking steps to improve the taste and uptake of fruit. Citing the global economic troubles, the committee decided it was time all fruits were made to tast...

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Funny story: EU to allow wonky veg

EU to allow wonky veg

To give Neil Kinnock his due, he has worked tirelessly on behalf of British farmers for the past twenty years to overturn the EU directive that disallows the sale of knobbly carrots and bent cucumbers. Since the introduction of EU Directive 1677/8...

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Funny story: Oranges are the only fruit

Oranges are the only fruit

According to a ground breaking study that will be published in the Lancet this month a group of amateur scientists have stumbled upon what they claim to be the fruit gene. This news, if corroborated, will rock the world of fruit and vegetables to...

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Funny story: Bald Melon Shopper Gets Head Thumped

Bald Melon Shopper Gets Head Thumped

Toronto - 42 year old Wilbert Roscoe got his head thumped this week while shopping for watermelons at Kensington Market. Mr. Taylor who is heavy set and bald was leaning over a bin of seedless watermelons and was thumping them for freshness when anot...

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Funny story: New Easy Peel Oranges A Hit With Kids

New Easy Peel Oranges A Hit With Kids

Following the sudden loss of popularity of the humble orange, due to the fact that it's harder to peel than a tangerine, scientists have been working round the clock to get it back on menu's all over the World. It was discovered that kids today s...

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Funny story: Bananas - Fruit or Foe?

Bananas - Fruit or Foe?

Have you ever picked up a banana and considered the possibility that it might be evil? not unless you are below ten!...

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Funny story: Durham man attacked by locovore

Durham man attacked by locovore

A Durham man was attacked this evening by a locovore when he got in the locovore's way while it was grazing at a Whole Food's salad bar on Todd Street. Peter Hardwick was serving himself when a man identified as a locovore came out of the cor...

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