Happy is the man who gets laid As many of you know, I have suffered from a bad heart for sometime now. Many other problems have had me down as well. Doctors were able to fix what ailed my heart with stints, but I suffered bouts of high axiety brought about by sexual abstinence (something my physical body is unused to). Some doctors think that my hypersexuality stems from the 893 acid trips...
As a newly minted Monsignor, I have had the duty of looking back over my lifetime and making recompense for my sins (such as they were). I have remembered the high points in my life as well as the low points; there were many in each category. Today, I wish to make known to my parishioners as well as to the reading pubic, the best points I've ever seen, and those I haven't seen, but am certain...
VATICAN CITY (ABSNN) - Pope Benedict has joined with other world leaders in enthusiastically approving that the Roman Catholic Church celebrate a Feast Day during the upcoming Breast Appreciation Day on September 28, 2009. Speaking through His Con...
Back in the days when donkeys, mules and horses were used to haul ore cars in the coal mines of West Virgina, their animals were purchased, at great price, by the miners themselves. Thus, to lose a donkey was a tragedy that might cause the miner's family to starve. One night, a miner was leading his donkey home after working the late shift in a mine. He decided to walk along the railroad tracks...
WASHINGTON, DC - The Vatican announced today that Jesuit Priest Fr. François Dubois is to be elevated to the office of Monsignor, Sunday, in a White House ceremony presided over by President Barack Obama. This is an obvious break in Roman Cathol...
LYNCHBURG, Va. - Jesus of Nazareth, AKA the Christ, was arrested by agents from Homeland Security following a Saturday morning sermon preached in this southern Virginia town that is home to Liberty University, founded by the late Baptist minister, Dr...
Dear Father Frank, Just a quick note to thank you for the social hour in the rectory last Sunday; I am very honored to have been selected the guest of honor, but I must admit that I am a bit saddened that none of the other invitees were thoughtful enough to accept your kind invitation. Oh, well, I kind of enjoyed having you all to myself; such stimulating conversation! It was wonderful to have...
Dear Father Frank,, I am writing to thank you for your prompt action in returning my car to me this morning after my terrible experiences of yesterday. It seemed to take mere moments from the time I gave Li'l Tommy my note to you for you to come! Thank you so much for sending him to the movies; he really enjoyed the outing. I would also like to thank you for sharing the Eucharist with me; a...
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