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Funny satire stories about Football (Soccer)

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Norwich City paints away team's dressing room pink

Funny story: Norwich City paints away team's dressing room pink

Norwich City luvvie director Stephen Fry was heard to say "Just wait until Sir Elton hears about this" when told that his club has painted the away team's dressing room deep pink in an attempt to gain an edge on opponents. Pink is reputed to be a...

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Steve McClaren Seen Holding A Towel

Funny story: Steve McClaren Seen Holding A Towel

Steve McClaren, the new Queens Park Rangers manager, is thought to be 'reconsidering his position', after his side were treated to a 7-1 drubbing by West Bromwich Albion at the Hawthorns, yesterday. The former England boss was seen boarding the te...

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Merde On The Orient Express

Funny story: Merde On The Orient Express

There was a major controversy in South London on Saturday afternoon, when French football supporters travelling to a game in Leytonstone were confronted by a problem they could not, in their wildest dreams, ever have imagined - a merde on the Orient...

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The Pre-Season Games

Professional “bitcher” and part time Manchester United manager, Jose Mourinho, has claimed unless he’s allowed to sign all the players he wants, United could have a “very difficult season”. He is quoted as saying: "My CEO knows what I want. I k...

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Women's Football Commentary Comes Under Fire

Funny story: Women's Football Commentary Comes Under Fire

A survey amongst 3,000 football supporters of both sexes and all ages, to ascertain their opinions on female commentators of football matches, has concluded that the ladies should probably get back in their kitchens. Recent controversies involving...

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Football Returns After Never Even Stopping

Funny story: Football Returns After Never Even Stopping

Football returns today and up and down the country fanatical fans are rejoicing, even though it doesn't appear to have ever actually been away. With the World Cup having started soon after the domestic season, then the International Champions Cup...

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Harry Maguire Turns Down Manchester United Move As He Fucking Hates Them

Funny story: Harry Maguire Turns Down Manchester United Move As He Fucking Hates Them

Harry Maguire, the Leicester City and England defender, has turned down the opportunity to join Manchester United, saying he fucking hates them. Maguire, 25, was born in Sheffield, and has always been a Sheffield United supporter. As such, there...

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Jason Statham Doesn't Really Like His Name

Funny story: Jason Statham Doesn't Really Like His Name

English movie actor, heart-throb Jason Statham, has told confidential friends that he doesn't really like his first name. The tough-guy actor who has starred in 'Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels', 'Snatch', the 'Transporter' trilogy, 'Fast and...

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Where are they now? Winston Bogarde, "Footballer"

Funny story: Where are they now? Winston Bogarde, "Footballer"

Don't you just love this man? Well, maybe you haven't heard of him, unlike the Chelsea football fans to whom he is notorious, although they barely saw him. He had the most infamous contract in football. Our Dutch hero played for Ajax until 1998 when he signed for Barcelona, so he wasn't half bad, and played for Barça 19 times while they won La Liga and the Copa del Rey. On the advice of comp...

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The Secret England Footballer: World Cup Shambles, My Personal Roundup

Funny story: The Secret England Footballer: World Cup Shambles, My Personal Roundup

By the time you read this, I'll be back in Blighty doing the biz with the owner's daughter again. Just what I need and so does she. We'll be off to Ibiza for some pre-season R&R shortly. Well, never let it be said that I didn't do my best for...

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Golden Shower Dampens World Cup Final Celebrations

Funny story: Golden Shower Dampens World Cup Final Celebrations

France and Croatia provided a stunning finale to the World Cup last night, and, in a wonderful show of footballing skills, the French ran out 4-2 victors. Sadly, there was an unfortunate footnote to the tournament, when an argument broke out over the...

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England: Fourth Place Is Coming Home!

Funny story: England: Fourth Place Is Coming Home!

Let the celebrations begin! The England football team, so often derided in the past and labelled 'disappointing' at major tournaments, have at last 'completed the job', 'delivered the goods', and, in one last pathetic strain for a brilliant flower...

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The Secret England Footballer: Croatia and Cretinous Decisions. I told you so.

Funny story: The Secret England Footballer: Croatia and Cretinous Decisions. I told you so.

You know I told you so. It's taken a day or two for me to get over my anger, but now I feel free to vent my spleen. Forget Gareth's M&S waistcoat, the penalty win over Columbia, slab head Maguire's goal, getting us to the semi-final and all th...

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England Still Have Everything To Play For

Funny story: England Still Have Everything To Play For

England manager Gareth Southgate knows that he has a tricky job on his hands to raise his troops for tomorrow's game with Belgium, but has buoyed them with the rallying call that: Everything is still to play for - except for the World Cup, that...

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Football's Forgotten Terrace Chant To Make Comeback

Funny story: Football's Forgotten Terrace Chant To Make Comeback

A chant that emerged at football grounds in the 1970s, and became popular all over England, Scotland and Wales, mutated and morphed into differently-worded chants, but then went out of fashion, is making a comeback, it has been reported. The chant...

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American Guy Tries to Act Like He Knows A Lot About Soccer

Funny story: American Guy Tries to Act Like He Knows A Lot About Soccer

An American guy who knows nothing about soccer got way too into the World Cup match between England and Croatia in an effort to seem cool and worldly to his friends. He even used the word "gutted" to describe his feelings after the loss, knowing t...

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Croatian Nationals Face Expulsion From UK In Wake Of England World Cup Defeat

Funny story: Croatian Nationals Face Expulsion From UK In Wake Of England World Cup Defeat

There was a strange lull and an eerie silence over the country on Thursday morning as England and its people tried to come to terms with the fact that the England football team were not going to win the World Cup. Again. Gareth Southgate's men wer...

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BBC Sports Commentator Sets Precedent by Using the Word "Unprecedented"

Funny story: BBC Sports Commentator Sets Precedent by Using the Word "Unprecedented"

Football fans were stunned and amazed while watching coverage of England vs. Colombia when commentator Simon Brotherton deliberately used the word "unprecedented". The BBC switchboard and Twitter account were overwhelmed by the response, including d...

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Breaking news…

Pregnant robot dog blamed on Russian hacking

Mindy, the first robotic dog, is now pregnant. Senate Democrats allege that Russian hackers are to blame. The White House only states that Pres. Trump wants to make robot dogs great again.
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