With thousands of desperate migrants attempting to enter the UK through the channel tunnel, UKIP have come up with a number of ideas designed to make the problem go away. In a press conference this morning, UKIP's immigration spokesman, Ozzy Mosle...
John Kerry has issued a (somewhat) heartfelt and (entirely) disinterested plea for Europe to stay in the EU. But for some reason his customary shine, polish and wide-eyed eloquence of a typical well-beloved fairly centre-leaning Secretary of State has temporarily deserted him. For some inexplicable reason, the notable public figure in question is straying into the kind of long-winded verbo...
Nigel Farage has finally had it with the intransigence of the EU. So he's offering the following nuclear option for Europe, which has terrified sundry Eurocrats and politicians of all the once proud and arrogant former states of Europe. Nigel genially smirks: If you don't give us what we want, we will stay in the EU forever! Apparently the whole continent's quaking in their seven-l...
The Eurozone financial crisis took a fascinating turn yesterday, as new Greek financial Minister, Yanis Varoufakis [spell check? - Ed] offered the coveted Charizard pokemon card to Germany in order to cover its widening financial black hole. Varou...
A Landmark decision by the European Court that allows European governments to send Illegal Immigrants into Outer Space on the European Space Shuttle has been welcomed by the British and German governments. The ruling concerns a family of twenty seven...
After the successful Drone missile attack on Cup Cake rebel leader Mr. Kipling, President Obama, acting on the outcome of a C.I.A investigation into subversionary English coffee bars has declared that old women having tea and cup cakes in "Tea Rooms"...
According to recent material discovered at Graceland Elvis Presley was getting ready for a big comeback tour when he died at his home at Graceland near Memphis, Tennessee. Several of his friends and musicians have claimed this all along but the le...
Calls to shut down the L.H.C. because the newly verified Higgs-Boson particle doesn't "do anything" have been gaining momentum. Additionally insurance companies have admitted that their collision waver supplement clause is so flawed in this instance...
In the past many American comics have earned a good living talking about the weird acts and ways of people from other countries around the world. Do Scots wear anything under their kilts. 50 Mexicans in the back of a truck. 900 Indians on a train!...
Rupert Giles studied at Oxford University, but dropped out before earning a history degree to become a voyeur, or "watcher," as his father and grandmother Edna had been before him. Rather than taking his wayward son to task for wasting what could have been a superb education at one of the world's leading universities, Giles' father approved of his decision, affirming it as a fulfillment of his "de...
The UK's Eurovision Committee, chaired by Sebastian Coe, have employed the services of Sir Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr and a black magician by the name of Alistair Darling for next year's Eurovision contest entry for the UK. "Darling will employ t...
Brussels MEPs will soon be voting on whether or not to downgrade Britain's status from a fully paid up member of the European Union and instead have them sidelined as 'one of those countries we don't really like, such as Poland and Greece'. This w...
Liechtenstein, the tiny and, until now, insignficant Principality, which is sandwiched between Austria and Switzerland, is a hot favourite in the race to be elected to a temporary a seat on the UN Security Council, ahead of Finland and Australia.
Sir Geoffrey Punt, prominent MP for the East Anglia area has come forward and delivered the most stinging attack on the UKs immigration policy. "Thousands of foreign criminals and sex offenders are roaming our streets like packs of wild dogs. Pre...
When the Assad regime does not retreat its troops before the 1th December, Syria will automatically be a member of the European Union. The EU hopes that this threat will force troops to retreat and violence to halt. Moody's has already responded b...
Dear Constituents What a hectic week and it's only Wednesday. My theme today is Europe and so my Newsletter is full of complicated statistics that might only be full appreciated by my constituents with a decent education. So, for the majority of you (and that includes that upstart who thinks he's in with a chance to take over from me at the next election) I'll try to simplify things.
In an effort to promote this weekend's European Championships between Spain and Italy, UEFA has struck a deal with the European Central Bank whereby immediately following the conclusion of this Sunday's match, the sovereign debt of the winning countr...
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