Those who claim to have had a near-death experience almost always describe it similarly: the feeling of floating in a tunnel toward a very bright light. But according to retired electrician Clovis Deekins, who has had two such experiences five year...
NEW YORK CITY - The Crocodile Sports Drink Company of Bedford-Stuyvesant, New York, has issued a statement saying it will soon be removing a highly controversial ingredient from its line of energy sports drinks. Sahara Sara Serpentulli, spokespers...
A huge Scottish Hydro giant filled with energy carried a pair of Highland bulls all the way up Ben Nevis yesterday. Thousands turned up to witness this amazing feat, which was filmed by Sky News and several American film companies. Mega-biologi...
The Irish gift for blarney, blather and waffle could soon begin cutting the UK consumer energy bill by £10 Billion over the next eight years. "The average Irishman generates more hot air in a single day than any other nationality" says Dr Hugh Q...
Rockville MD: Nikola Tesla working in his garage at night has invented an infinite power source, potentially making the USA energy independent. Mr. Tesla planned to patent the device and give all rights to his adopted country. An application for a...
Farting, the controversial technique for obtaining the new energy source, methane gas, should be allowed nationwide, according to a recent directive from the Energy Commission. "The universally variegated act of farting, which has been blamed for...
TOKYO (SAPP) - After many years of international pressure to stop whaling, sources close to the prime minister of Japan, Yoshihiko Noda, have admitted that whaling has become a vital source of energy for the country. Members of Mr. Noda's inner circl...
The government is set to scrap up to 10,000 wind turbines in favour of 2,000,000 exercise bikes to meet the countries future energy needs. Harking back to the workhouse, benefits will be scrapped and all able bodied scroungers will be encouraged...
Relations between Argentina and the rest of the world worsened today following the nationalisation of a popular stage musical. Argentina was left isolated yesterday when president Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner announced the nationalisation of Yac...
Under considerable pressure to do something to lower gasoline prices, President Obama called a surprise news conference today to announce a change of direction in our national energy policy. With Secretary of Energy Dr. Stephen Chu standing at his side, Mr. Obama announced a major new renewable resource energy initiative. Following is a transcript of the conference, Mr Obama: "Good afternoon...
British Gas has announced a 5% increase in pretending to care about its customer base after confirming it will slash 5% off electricity bills which increased by 16% in August. The move comes a day after EDF ramped up their own attempts at feigning...
1. If your wife keeps turning up the thermostat, start collecting guns, just to let her know you mean business. 2. You remember that guy that never wore a heavy coat and said he was always comfortable. He died of pneumonia. 3. In the depression people burned their homes' inside doors for warmth. Luckily that could never happen again. 4. You can turn off your refrigerator if...
World leaders are to invest in rowing machines as the 'new energy saver'. Its thought every household in the Western world will be given a rowing machine and some even two or three depending on the size of the house. "Energy is often wasted by p...
The government plans to launch a new lotto style 'National Hottery' to provide the warmth of hope to those members of the electorate struggling to combat the rising problem of 'fuel poverty', according to a leaked report. The report claims that go...
Glasgow - A pair of middle-aged chinless blobs from Lard - er...Largs! - in Ayrshire won the record breaking jackpot after a seven week-long rollover. Chris and Colin Weird (sic) said today they would be investing some of the dosh in gastric band...
Britain's leading energy suppliers have warned consumers to expect steep price increases from August this year, possibly by as much as 19% The energy providers have attributed the rises to Wayne Rooney's hair transplant, a situation being further exa...
Evil gas Barons in Scotland have just enraged the wrong person with their 20% gas price hike. That person is the multi-billion pound Woolly Jumper Philanthropist Donald McDonald. Donald was so enraged by the news that Gas prices are to rise for...
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