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Funny story: Sharp Upturn in DIY Sector Lifts Retail Hopes

Sharp Upturn in DIY Sector Lifts Retail Hopes

The markets have been encouraged today following a sharp upturn in retail hardware sales reported by B&Q and Homebase. A spokesman for the retail consortium BodgitFixit Group reported that since last Monday, when the Daily Telegraph began rele...

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Funny story: Hugh Jackman to have tool named after him

Hugh Jackman to have tool named after him

Byron Bay, Aus - CEO of a prominent chain of hardware stores has announced actor and star of Wolverine, Hugh Jackman, is to have a brand new tool named after him. The Hugh Jackman is a brand new, previously unnamed tool, which looks like a cross b...

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Funny story: Back Garden Swimming Pools: How To Make One

Back Garden Swimming Pools: How To Make One

The popular 'How To Make One' series continues now, with a look at something 9 out of every 10 Americans have, and 97 out of every 100 Australians have - a swimming pool in the back garden! Most people in Britain will be unfamiliar with the concept of having a pool in their garden; almost all will, however, have visited their local swimming baths for a swim, and to enjoy the experience of havin...

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Funny story: Results of the "Name B&Q" competition

Results of the "Name B&Q" competition

For years, people have wondered what DIY superstore B&Q's initials stood for. After a variety of suggestions, such as Block and Quail and Been and Queued, Euan Sutherland admitted during his appointment speech that it does not actually stand for...

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Funny story: DIY Chain Land NASA Contract

DIY Chain Land NASA Contract

DIY chain B&Q has been handed a contract believed to be worth $3.5bn to supply around 100 pots of their own brand tile grouting following problems with space shuttle insulation coming away on take-off. The next scheduled scheduled flight was t...

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Funny story: DIY Giant To Ban Russia's Olympic Team From Its Croydon Branch

DIY Giant To Ban Russia's Olympic Team From Its Croydon Branch

A controversy is controversing like buggery today over plans by retail giant, B&Q, who according to reports being reported, is planning to ban the sale of gardening implements. A spokesman for the DIY chain commented: "Gardening gear can be...

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Funny story: Ronseal Marriage

Ronseal Marriage

A couple from London are getting married, after meeting over the last tin of Ronseal in a DIY shop. Reginald Kendall III, and his bride to be Felicity Dwight met in an un-named DIY emporium after both were looking for an elusive tin of Ronseal Qui...

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Funny story: Big Paint Drier

Big Paint Drier

Intelligent viewers across the United Kingdom are looking forward to the start of series eighteen of Big Paint Drier, which starts next week.

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Funny story: NHS announce plans to open first DIY Hospital

NHS announce plans to open first DIY Hospital

Sam Wickes the Government Junior Health Minister announced plans today Monday 29th October 2007 that the first DIY Hospital was to be built for the NHS Trust.

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Funny story: D.I.Why Not

D.I.Why Not

Overly-homosexual Irish innuendo peddler Graham Norton is releasing his own range of gay-friendly DIY products. The bum-loving leprechaun expects his 'Poof's Powertools' to hit (and fix) shelves in time for the inevitable sludgy torrent t...

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Funny story: Dancing In The Aisles

Dancing In The Aisles

A DIY giant has been rapped by trade unions for getting prospective employees to sing, dance and generally act the fool as part of their interview process.

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Funny story: New DIY Breast Implants for those on the NHS

New DIY Breast Implants for those on the NHS

Those who suffer daily embarrassment due to the size of their small breasts will soon be able to participate in a brand new scheme from the NHS.

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Funny story: Stud finder finds stud in wall

Stud finder finds stud in wall

Mark Armond, 34 and a hairdresser by day, was shocked today by the results of using a tool which had heretofore never affected his day to day hammering.

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