After surveys and statistical data were analyzed at the University of Colorado last week, the results indicated that people actually do cheat on each other constantly, while looking for more money as they steadfastly maintain a need to go to Church e...
In a gesture of solidarity with politically-despondent Americans, the Vatican has announced that for the duration of Donald Trump's presidency, suicide by Americans will not be considered a mortal sin disqualifying them from eternal salvation. "We...
The world was left stunned today when the almighty God descended from on high to announce that He, the Alpha and Omega, has officially become an atheist. The surprising revelation had an even more surprising origin, as the Father confirmed that the c...
The Reverend T. J. McCorkle of Louisburg, North Carolina held a news conference this morning in Raleigh to announce that he had, in the last day, emitted a giant turd. The emission weighed six pounds, seven ounces and McCorkle stated, "It was the...
33 year old two time zombie Jesus of Nazareth was tasered by an off duty policeman Sunday morning after he entered a Catholic church during mass. Witnesses from a home across the street from the church report seeing "some scroungy looking guy" ent...
Former presidential candidate Donald Trump might stumble but he never falls. In debt from his presidential bid and judgements from lawsuits over Trump University, the billionaire is moving on to his next business venture and redemption: The Trump Church Of Monetary Unification. This reporter attended a Trump rally, ostensibly a worship meeting, at the Atrium in the Trump Towers. Trump roused th...
Bentleyville, USA (AP)- Al Roker never predicted a rapturous burst of the power of prayer in his weekend forecast. The Child Soldiers For Christ youth group had assembled at their regular "divine debriefing" Sunday morning service when a loud nois...
When 38-year old Jeff O'Mairs went to Walmart last Sunday afternoon overdressed, repercussions were severe. A blast of Facebook rants and Instagram photos of him shopping while wearing a suit in the paper goods aisle went viral. The perpetrator...
The Green Cathedral, Harrisburg, Kansas The Honorable Crowley Smitherson, asst. Minister From the Pulpit, Dear Friends, We've all had to enter the new modern age and leave behind some cherished ideas. One is prayer. We aren't giving up on prayer yet. But, in the interim, we are standardizing the prayers we use. We have decided to eliminate all prayers in favor of one brief, standardized...
I have observed over the years a despondency with some of our parishioners when their prayers have failed them. Sometimes they prayed for rain and got snow. Some have prayed to win the big Lotto Jackpot, only to do so, and find they have lost the win...
Today, the pope created a new tribunal to judge the judges' in the old tribunal, who judged bishops accused of sheltering priests' abusive conduct in child sexual abuse cases. Msgr. Ignacio Colderanoni, was named chief judge over the objection of...
May 31, 2015 3 minutes after Vespers Written on my iPhone Sent by email to the website, "PrayersGalore.universe Dear Holy Spirit, Yesterday I prayed to Jesus, God, Mary, St. Dominick the thin, Mother Doris,and Nun Kolodnic. I asked for wisdom, guidance, truth, clarity, and a bagel with cream cheese. I hope you are not offended that I didn't include you in my prayers. It wasn't an...
A vicar who believes shoes and socks are "the tools of the Devil" has been turned away from a pub in Todmorden, West Yorkshire, for being barefooted. Martin Chuzzlewit, 56, landlord of the Splintered Potsherd on Boundary Street, asked the Reverend...
If the lord would make the miracle of 'Immaculate Conception' available to lesbian couples they would no longer need to locate an adult novelty store to consummate their marriage. This should make the church quite happy. Gay couples can consummate quite easily, but would still need to adopt because even the lord can't make the sun shine everywhere. Is human canine next? A lot of folks really d...
After a man of Eastern origin yesterday walked into a chapel and ordered fish, chips and a pickled egg, calls to clearly mark places of worship were made in Scunthorpe. Last week two inebriated couples walked into Scunthorpe's Kirk St. Mosque and...
The Southern Baptist Convention voted unanimously to expel a California church that was entirely too friendly to homosexuals. The New Heart Community Church in La Mirada, California, was "disfellowed" by the Executive Committee which held that...
London, UK - A North London vicar who has clearly never read the part of the New Testament about Jesus throwing the money changers out of the temple has opened up his own little bit of heaven in London NW6. The Rev Andrew Cain, vicar of St James'...
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